NBA Sack-Up 2010-11 with the Dream Team

So Edy, Stringer Bell and I wrote this preview back in October, full of stupid predictions, miscellaneous predictions and some blind-squirrel-finding-a-nut predictions. It was fun, and so, I decided get together a dream team to recap the season in true Sackrilegious style, so I rounded up my crew of ball watchers to help. In white font, is your's truly, in red is The_Real_Pat, in blue is DJ Stringer Bell and in black bold is the new roomate aka Humetron. Edy couldn't make it because he usually just copy and pastes everything Pat says, so he really isn't needed anymore.

Enjoy, ye hooligans.

1: How awesome is DeShawn Stevenson? I expect at least 5000 words each from everyone on this topic. At least 1,000 of which must describe what you imagine his next tattoo/piercing combo will be:

Humetron: Not saying I didn't know who he was before these finals, but it was more how unnoticed he went in my eyes before June. He was more of just a side show to me during his Wiz years to me because I didn't follow them outside of Gilbert. I sorta love him now though.  It may just be ALL your (Sack's) obsession rubbing off on me but he is a funny dude.

The-Real_Pat: To measure DeShawn's "awesomeness", I think we need to define DeShawn and work backwards.  DeShawn Stevenson:  Uber tatted meathead, could start a fight with anybody at anytime (himself included), has one main specialty (defense) with a secondary specialty (the tre ball) and has beef with one of the league's "stars".  Tats, meathead, fight potential, one main trick, one backup trick, beef with star...on the awesomeness scale, I give DeShawn Stevenson 7 out of 10 Dennis Rodman's.
 

DeShawn's next tattoo will be LEBR on one ass cheek, and an N on the other...

Sack: I have already written this love letter to him, but since then he has continued rolling it on; skipping the Mavs' South Beach party because he was a family man and his wifey was preggos, getting arrested for public drunkeness (profiling), called out LeBron some more at the victory parade and explained that he got the $5 bills surrounding his Lincoln tattoo so he didn't have to explain who it was anymore. He is the gift that keeps on giving.

He is a free agent next year (NUGGETS, NUGGETS, NUGGETS), but wants to stay in Dallas. Since two of his teammates now have Larry O'Brien Trophy tattoos, I don't expect DeShawn to follow suit. I am willing to wager he goes big on the next one, stamping Tre Goggles permanently on his face.

2. Let's all mock Edy openly for calling Dallas most disappointing team? Then mock everyone for other terrible prediction (like Gilbert comeback player and Heinrich best white player. My bad).

Edy with a bad claim?  Unheard of. 

DJ Stringer Bell: We had some fucking retarded picks here, with Hinrich in the chocolate city of black holes (John Wall and Arenas) coming in as a runner-up to me and Edy jerking ourselves off to the Thunder. True they had a watershed year, but not nearly the championship contenders we talked ourselves into. Throw in the Perkins trade and we had damn near given OKC the title by the end of March when the fact of the matter was that Durant hadn’t properly barked down Westbrook into a subservient position yet (still waiting for this) and the team was still fine tuning their BIG game.

3. Then give me props for calling Dallas a darkhorse contender.

-When did Edy say that?!?!?! #dumb I am their biggest hater and it is partly because they are good and contend with the nugs on a normal basis (Ed Note: Hume and I played a drinking game based on Dirk's performance in these playoffs. If he made a shot, Hume drank, if he missed, I drank. This usually really got going in the fourth quarter, so Hume drank a looot).

You picked a team with two for sure Hall of Famers, a Puerto Rican Point God, a statistical juggernaut with a very outdated movie reference nickname (Matrix), the best right handed 6th man in the L, a guy who I'm gonna hand a title to in a few minutes, and a guy who registers a 7 on the Dennis Rodman Scale of Awesomeness...what exactly do you want props for? 

-No one picked Dallas to do shit this year, but I felt they were primed. It's easy to look now and say Dallas was good, but everyone was calling them washed up early this year (not that I predicted them to win a title, but still).

-How can anyone claim ref conspiracy when the guy who bitches the most just won a championship?

There’s a shitload of bitching and twitter timeline quoting I could do, but there just weren’t enough close games involving the preferred markets to really make a case for Stern as Geppetto. New York was disjointed, newly formed and saddled with the Nuggets shit offloads of AC, Billups and Melo. Boston was a victim of their own murdering of the Ubuntu mantra (see the 2011 The Association season). And the Lakers succumbed to the Law of more, NBA miles and had nothing left to accomplish, save Barnes. None of these teams held up for shit in the playoffs and none of them even knew how to keep a game close when the 4^th quarter came within its final 6 minutes.
The argument could be made that Lebron and the Heatles (I fucking hate that name… and the Beatles.) were a preferred champion but even they were newly formed, without playing reps, and unable to get it close enough to let the angel of Stern work his magic.

My feeling on the matter is Stern looked at these playoffs the same way we all did; All of the final 4 teams were good for the NBA and the Mavericks just had too many great storylines not to let the playoffs play out or even to embrace them. The game thrives off of polarizing, astronomically dynamic characters and both the Mav’s and the Heat had them in spades. Furthermore, the final 4 teams were each darlings in their right and any of them as champions would have been great for the league. Add in what a Dirk win did for Overseas interest in the NBA and a Mav’s win doesn’t quite seem so FU Stern (cue Stern Jew smile)

What championship did Melo win?  (Waits for applause to die down)  Stop, thank you, you're too kind. 
And nobody claims an outright ref conspiracy.  And conspiracy is the wrong word.  It's more like a nefarious consortium.  It's a large group of people who all work in conjunction to promote the interests of the league.  At the end of the day, just like anything else, it all comes down to dolla dolla bills yall.  The NBA is a business.  And any business is going to try to maximize revenue.  When the most popular teams win exciting games in long dramatic series', the NBA makes more money.  FACT.  So to say it's rigged and a big conspiracy is overkill...to say the powers that be stay completely hands off is naive.

=-Stars will always get calls.   

-Most entertaining team of the season?

Here's how this one should be answered:  When you saw on the left side of SportsCenter that Team X's highlights were coming up, who would you refuse to miss more often than not?
Clips/Heat tie.

I started off claiming a homer tie on this one between the Nuggets and the Mavs, but the truth is it was always the Mav’s. I remember watching regular season games where they held on against the Lakers and Blazers and it was evident just how much all the years together this Mavs team had, had done for their clutch performance. The team was killing it all year by making the extra pass and knowing exactly where each team member was going to be on the court. They win this award from the standpoint that they were a team in the strictest of definition of the word. They excelled all year by breaking the will of an opposing team with 3’s that shouldn’t keep going in and extended possessions where they just keep moving the ball away from defenses. Nothing will fucking kill a team more than a shot that shouldn’t keep going in or an offense that moves the ball despite ur best efforts. The Mavericks had both. Put simply, they weren’t playing Rucker ball and it showed.

You guys really missed this one, because it was clearly OKC. The Heat were more dramatic, Dallas better, but the rise of the Thunda, the Perk trade to make them legitimate contenders and then the epic Diva collapse of Russ Westbrook was fascinating theatre. Every queater of every game had this tension that it could collapse at any point, and it did. It was a psychological thriller.

-Most entertaining player this season (besides DeShawn, clearly)?

If anyone says anyone else but Blake Griffin they should be shot in the head.

BlakeTube Griffin 
Runner Up:  Derek Rose
Dead Last:  Tim Duncan's methodical ass

On the court no one was as entertaining as Blake Griffin, the dude singlehandedly re-programmed Sportscenter on a nightly basis, giving us at least 2 dunk highlights a night IN ADDITION to his top 10 contributions. Night in and night out we were treated to glimpses into otherwise shitty and irrelevant games between the Clippers and the Suns. Griffin was so amazing he made the Clippers relevant. Re-read that last sentence again. Here, I’ll help you. HE MADE THE CLIPPERS RELEVANT. No one has been able to do this in forever. The last time we even moderately cared about this team ET was running point and Chris Kaman was making a case as the last Neanderthal on the planet in what could be called the greatest freak show on earth (They still easily handled the Nuggets in the first round).
Worst yet, none of the NBA fanatical could come up with a good nickname for him. His half-white, half-black, red headed, freckled ass made this task damn near impossible. It was like trying to figure out  a cool name to call Opie if his hair grew short and wiry and routinely jumped over Aunt Bea and Dipshit Deputy Barney Fife on the regular. (My contributions in the matter: El Mulatto Magnifico and the Soaring Griffin).   
And when the season came to an end, we were still watching the Clippers who weren’t even within an 8^th seed implosion of making the playoffs. Hell, that underperforming, Iverson-esque cocksucker Baron Davis even got traded because of him. If you get someone’s lazy ass traded away from you just because management is afraid he’ll somehow find a way to make you lax and unwilling to hustle, you’re usually doing some awe-inspiring shit.  

Too bad ole Blake wasn't relevant in the playoffs. But yes, Mozgov-ing fools gets you this top spot.

-Will Dwight Howard play in Orlando next season? Chris Paul in New Orleans?

Watch for Dwight to take his talents to South Beach if not the Lakers like Shaq before him. I give it decent odds that he ends up a member of the Heat for less money.  CP3 stays because of a little word called leverage and his own refusal to be a jobber to anyone.

If they go to LA and NY like the rumor mill (You must be an Insider to finish this thought

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I think Dwight is 50/50 on staying vs. fleeing to LA. It is the only place that really makes sense for him.

-That little girl Chris Paul is already out of New Orleans.  He is going to prance around New York with that doucher melo.  I think Dwight is going to stay for some reason, unless the Magic upgrade though he is out.   

-How long before Chris Bosh is booted from Miami?

When that shemale from Baylor is allowed to play in the NBA, he should start sweating.

-If they don't win next year or start slow, Like a Bosh is scapegoat numero uno, off to Siberia aka Milwakee for Andrew Bogut.

-Who was the craziest player in the league (aka Starbury award)?

Gilbert Arenas is deeply offended that you think this is up for debate.  He's tweeting about your nappy ass shirt as we speak.

-Damn right it's Gilbert. I am going to claim this is what I meant by Comeback Player of the Year. Welcome back crazy Gil...keep on tweeting bout sharks, shoes and skanks til the Magic figuratively or literally have you whacked to get out of that contract.

I really fucking wanted to put Barnes here but he didn’t really do shit. He was pretty quiet (as Barrio Barnes standards go) and only once took it to another level when he threw an assistant coach to the ground. Worst yet, there really was no clear winner in this category. Stephen Jackson, Brandon Jennings, Delonte West, KMart and Barnes were all a little too quiet on and off the court.  

Update: DeShawn Stevenson: tell me how my drunk Dirk taste.

P.S. Now we see why Gil and DeShawn were such awesome teammates.

We are all in agreement Kevin Love was best white American? Griffin ROY? Harden best beard?

False!  I hand this title, as mentioned above in #3, to Brian "The Custodian" Cardinal.  Any argument about the Best White American should be centered around White American skill sets.  Kevin Love rebounds and scores.  Those are bro skill sets, so Kevin Love is like the 85th best bro.  BWA should be given based on hard fouls, killer screens (on or off ball), textbook box-outs, bounce passes, ball fakes, charge takes, defensive rotations, and bench enthusiasm.  Brian Cardinal is the Kobe Bryant of White Americans (complete with jewelry).

No arguments on ROY.
BDiddy's beard takes silver to Harden's face-fro.  (Coined bitches.  O/U weeks til Edy uses that phrase around Val and her friends?  I say however many weeks it takes for Val to have more than 2 of her friends around.)

Pat wasn't around for the beginning of the year and apparently didn't do research, but B. Diddy was retired from contention. Brian Cardinal had one, maybe two good games all season. Kevin Love set records. Real basketball records, not white player records.

I’ll take my victory laps around the park on the majority of these. Kevin Love dominated in this years’ Strom Thurmond/ Derrick Vinyard  category, giving us white boys some hope and Harden brought new infamy to the Moussai beard with his bearded gap-toothed post 3 screams.  

-O/U of players who get NBA trophy tatoos next season?

I feel like this HAS to be set at 0.5.  And I'll take the under.

zero, douche bag terry

2

I am saying 20.5: Every sixth man/energy guy/irrational confidence guy for a contender is gonna get one. I mean, we've already had one fucking bench guy get one that didn't do shit. They are gonna be popping up errrawhere. I assume Birdman is getting one as we spreak.

-Most intriguing plotline this offseason?

Toss up:  It's either
A.  Bulls roster changes.  They really felt like they were one or two guys away from being a championship squad.  If they can add a guy who can create his own shot and a veteran who can get buckets in tough situations, I think they immediately become a championship favorite.  Or
B.  Lockout.  Or
C.  The Shaq Sex Tape. 

Will a bunch of free-spending hoodrats with little finance knowledge and miniscule amounts of leverage and huge costs of living be able to stand up against a coalition of owners that is losing an alleged 300 million a year.  

Most hated sportswriter/commentator: Jeff Van Gundy. No onegets under my skin like his nerdy, ill-placed, matter of fact quips. He was so annoying throughout the year I actually wished hiring upon him just so that I wouldn’t have to hear his fucking dipshit poindexter ass on my TV. I‘ve got room for one pencil-necked sports intellectual and John Clayton is it with his Stewie looking ass.  

Lockout, duh.

Yeah, dumb question by me. Lockout is clearly the big story, Dwight number 2.

-Will the Heat ever win a title?

They need to upgrade at C, PF, PG, 6, 7, and 8th man, coach, PR, and towel boy.  Even if they didn't upgrade any of those things, if King Dipshit could get his head right, they could win the next 4.  Will they?  Who knows.  That guy's sucha Freudian wet dream that these next few season's could go a billion different ways.

-yep, that team can only get better. I mean jowhatver anthony and juan howard as post players??!?! some big lanky freak will sign with the heat.

Yes, pending a solid PF/C  acquisition in the offseason .

They were argueably two shots away from it this year. I will bet my house on it next year (fact: I don't own a house, so thanks Tejouis for the collateral).

-Most hated player (I expect Russ Westbrook to get some love here)

Ask me about this a year ago and I put Kobe here. Ask me today and its Westbrook. No one consistently just pissed me off quite like his Antz/ Jurassic ass (Co-writer credits to Edy and Manchester there). I found myself likening his and Durants demeanor to the Good Son of the family that finds out he sucks at sports. He just kept having that whiny, I deserve to win and all these people are just hating against me look to him. A year ago I would have never said that especially after how much heart we saw him show against the Lakers, but this year he bought into the hype and really started believing he was better than everyone else (including Durant). Kobe had this same sort of bratty transformation, call it an NBA rite of passage but fuck this little-big headed prick for real.

As long as Sasha Vuji-bitch is in the league...

too many to count but right now it has to be serge i pound my chest ibaka. God he is annoying as all hell with his numerous facial expressions, fist pumps, and o yes that DK chest pound. 

-How's my Dirk taste, BRON. Even though he has almost been ridden to death, fuck that motherfucker.

Anything else you find important/want to include.

"I'd like to thank the Man Upstairs for my thoughts and input here today.  Without his inspiration, I wouldn't be here.  All glory to Him."--Trev, if he lived in my basement.

-F the Mavs...focker outttttttt

Bonus: A DJ Stringer Bell Lookalikes Section: 
Derrick Rose/OddJob,

http://cdn2.windows7news.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/oddjob.jpg
http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/35/3592/GPU2F00Z/posters/derrick-rose-1-pick-2008-nba-draft.jpg
http://www.guesswhosback.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/26a1a.jpeg

Tom Thibodeau/ Devil from Constantine
http://www.dvdbeaver.com/film2/DVDReviews42/constantine%20blu-ray/large/large%20constantine%20blu-ray11.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WSizouJaa-k/TaWufzeBoqI/AAAAAAAAAk8/amYTJL4S0mY/s1600/Tom+Thibodeau+NBA+Coach.jpg

Russell Westbrook and Gon from Tekken and Gook Cartoons
http://i11.ebayimg.com/07/i/000/99/dc/423a_2.JPG

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5UQnm811GfY/TdZ5ustMdQI/AAAAAAAAZYY/6Crk9p6CC2s/s1600/russell_westbrook_01.jpg

The EPL and ESPN Effect: The Joys of Being a Casual Fan

I am fanatical in support of my teams, a fact that comes across plainly in almost every post I write on this site (and fanatical about Jersey Shore, which is also clear). I take losses personally and find it difficult to remember that my emotional well-being shouldn't hinge on a ball game. It is exhausting, and one of the reasons I have trouble writing blogs when my teams suck (Case in point: Rockies, and why this blog has been silent lately).

 I can't quit on my boy, even if he quit on my boys.

Which is why I have been so invested in soccer lately. I really have no vested connection to any team other than the US National team.

In fact, when it comes to soccer, especially in the English Premier League, I am the type of sports fan that I hate. I support a name team (Liverpool) almost solely because of my love for one player (Fernando Torres), who is no longer on the team (he left for Chelsea in a shocking last-minute, midseason transfer to rival Chelsea). Torres' move came during one of the most depressing stretches in Liverpool's history. Hypothetically, if his name was Fernando, I dunno, Cutler, and he left the Broncos under similar circumstances, I would use his jersey to clean my toilet and literally dream of punching him in his sulky face.

Instead, I still proudly wear my Liverpool Torres jersey kit, cheer for his success, while at the same time proclaiming myself a Liverpool fan. It really is mind-bottling, but there are a few reasons why:

-It is a task to follow the Premier League here in America: The games start at weird times, highlights are rarely shown, articles are never published and bars usually are confused when you ask to watch a soccer game on Fox Soccer Channel, even when you tell them the exact channel number ("You mean Fox Sports, yeah we got that.").

-Most importantly, the games often aren't on ESPN: Though the Worldwide Leader has stepped up it's soccer coverage dramatically, it is still usually a game a week. So, mercifully, the overblown coverage that has permeated every other sport ESPN covers ("LeBron is the greatest," "No, he's the worst." "We've discussed this every day for the last year and yet in no way is anyone sick of this...OMG BRETT FARVE PENIS!") has yet to come to the EPL.

What does that mean? It means I am allowed to follow the league, it's teams and stars without storylines being forced upon me. I'm sure the English press does this, but thankfully I only watch Sky Sports for the hot anchors with tart British accents (it's like porn except their talking about balls...footballs) and live blissfully unaware of that chatter.

So even if Wayne Rooney is being a hooligan, I can still like him for his play and not develop an irrational hatred of him because he leads every fucking Sportscenter ever. I can dislike Rooney simply for playing for Manchester United and being a twat with hair plugs, not because Stephen A. Smith and Collin Cowherd argued his worth. 

I have no connection to Liverpool, other than the fact that I loved scoring goals with Fernando in FIFA videogames so much that I jumped on the bandwagon. I've never been to a game, and didn't know until recently that Liverpool is not in London. But it doesn't feel right to abandon them now, as I have claimed to be a Liverpool fan for about 4 years, so it is too late to change.

Still, I love the fact that I'm not so Liverpool ingrained that I can't cheer for other teams, and mostly that I haven't found a reason to dislike almost every other team in the EPL. In the NFL, I can really only cheer for the Texans because they are CSU South. Basketball, I used to have a real soft spot for the Wizards, but they went boom so I just cheer for DeShawn (and hopefully a Gilbert reincarnation). In the MLB, can hardly even watch a World Series game if it is sans Rockies.

In the Premier League, I can use a pecking order to find enjoyment in almost every game. It goes:
1. Liverpool.
2. Team playing Mancherster United.
3. Fernando, which in turn means Chelsea.
4. Clint Dempsey & Fulham.
5. Tim Howard & Everton, which is ironic because they are Chelsea's biggest rival.
6. Stu Holden & Bolton.
7. Any other team with an American.
8. Against Manchester City, because Tevez is the ugliest human ever and Edy plays with them in FIFA constantly.

It really simplifies the league, and gives me a rooting interest in almost every game, allowing me to watch more and better follow the league as a whole. That means that I can enjoy the season even if Liverpool is shit and if Torres is shit (both happened this year).

Plus, the EPL Review Show does this ludicrous thing, where they show every goal and key moment from every match of the weekend, almost as if the teams are all important. It's an hour-long segment, and each game gets about 5 minutes of highlights. The Man U-Chelsea match doesn't get 2 minutes of highlights, 5 minutes of interviews and 17 minutes of discussion with the same highlights rehashed and debated, leaving just 30 seconds for a Bolton-West Ham match. Nope every game gets a solid highlights package, a quick quote from the manager, and little to no analysis.

It's almost like the EPL thinks I can watch and interpret for myself, and that every game matters (which it does, because of relegation, but that's a subject for another time). Ruddy brilliant.


When I get to think for myself I can actually enjoy the full product better. Being a casual fan definitely has it's advantages, but I think it will have to end as soon as I travel to Englandland, get all scoused up and see a game in Merceyside with the Kop (100% chance I fucked up everything in that sentence, and that I will be killed by Liverpool hooligans at this match for being a giant twat that knows nothing of the team's traditions). Then I will become a true Red fan and begin zealously hating everyone else in the Prem like I'm some sort of soccer Nazi.

Because fandom is like sex; even though the casual stuff is fun, it is ultimately hollow.  Eventually we enter committed relationships where we reach levels of passion and joy we never felt possible...

Followed shortly by all encompassing agony, anger and disappointment.

Or maybe that's just my abusive relationship with Broncos/Avs/Nuggets/Rockies/Rams.

Bonus: Just as life takes away, it gives: Luis Suarez is the new Liverpool goalscoring God:

DeShawn Stevenson>LeBron James

The title of this post is incorrect, if we are talking about basketball skill. LeBron James is much better than DeShawn in every facet of the game. LBJ is one of the greatest players (exactly how great his is I'll let the retards on ESPN blather about) in the history of basketball. But that doesn't matter.

What matters is, at the close of this season, DeShawn Stevenson has one NBA championship ring, and LeBron has none. And this fact is one of the many reasons why sports are awesome.

One of the craziest players in the NBA (so therefore, one of the craziest people on the planet) joined a whole bunch of "guys who couldn't win" and took down the big, bad bully. This isn't a Disnified movie, this is real life, and it is much more entertaining. It has heroes, villians, foreshadowing and plot twists. Yes, the big story is about Dirk's rise, the Big 3's fall, but often times the most interesting characters are those is the supporting role, and DeShawn's improbable victory over LeBron was the most compelling to me (of course I'm fucking crazy).

We forget, now that everyone in America has spent the last year shitting on LeBron (truthfully, the Mavs were better supported than any team in the history of sports, more so than even the Miracle on Ice US hockey team that was playing the Goddamn Commies) that he wasn't always hated, as back in 2008 Bron was the savior of Ohio and we were all WITNESSES.

Only a select group of people had any beef with LeBron; the fine folks of Washington D.C., whose Wizards were defeated by LeBron two previous times in the playoff series that included controversial circumstances (an uncalled travel on Bron and LBJ shit-talking Gilbert before free throws), and destined to be eliminated by the Brons for the third straight season. They needed a voice for their frustration, and they found one, in DeShawn.

Mr. Stevenson had the audacity to say that he didn't like LeBron and found him "Overrated," you know, because he still hadn't won shit. This opinion, at the time, caused much controversy and ridicule for DeShawn. The popular opinion was "Who the fuck is this idiot talking shit to LeBron, question the patron Saint of Basketball?"

And on paper, that is how this "rivalry" appeared, King James vs. The Bust. DeShawn and LeBron had both followed similar paths to the NBA, as high school phenoms plunged straight to the league. Then, their paths diverged: DeShawn was drafted by Utah, forced to toil under the curmudgeon Jerry Sloan, dealt with a number of legal issues and injuries, never reaching his potential to be a star. But a surprsing thing happened, instead of flaming out like almost every other troubled phenom, DeShawn evolved, becoming a strong defender and long-range specialist.

So it is natural that he might feel some bitterness towards Bron due to his success and hype, especially after some crushing defeats.

Instead of letting the storm from DeShawn's comments blow over, LeBron's hubris got the best of him, as he alluded to DeShawn as Soulja Boy and himself as Jay-Z. This sparked off a series of silly media battles, that resulted in Soulja Boy attending a game during the 2008 series and then Jay-Z recording a diss specifically aimed at DeShawn.

High comedy and entertainment ensued. The Wizards lost and Bron got what appeared to be the last laugh, as sadly, it appeared that the rivalry would die an early death. The Wizards imploded due to Gilbert Arenas' gimpy knee and gunplay, shipping Caron Butler, Brended Haywood to the Mavs, tossing an injured DeShawn in more for contract reasons. Then LeBron eviscerated Cleveland with the decision, and the odds of another D-Steve/Bron playoff battle seemed impossible.

While we breathlessly followed every movement of LeBron's scripted life and if he could fit in with the other superstars, only passing interest was paid to the real Dos Eqius man of the NBA; DeShawn.

Somehow, the man that has multiple facial tattoos (including the Pirates logo backwards so that it looks correct in the mirror), that has an Abe Lincoln tattoo on his neck that is pierced, that has a neck piercing that also goes through the neck of Lincoln (naturally), that celebrated every 3-pointer with an homage to doing massive amounts of cocaine, that nicknamed himself the Locksmith, Poppa Smurf and Mr. 50, that once bet Gilbert Arenas $20,000 on a shooting contest, that once etc. etc. etc...

Etc.

Somehow, that man had little trouble earning the respect of his teammates in Dallas and fitting into a winning team. Meanwhile, the greatest weapon in basketball history never quite figured how to coexist with a couple of other great players.

When the two met in the finals, both tried to downplay the rivalry, but it came out again, after Stevenson outscored Bron-Bron in game 4 and then said LBJ "checked out."

In the Finals it was obvious King James failed to live up to his potential. DeShawn was a clutch, with his multiple personalities merging perfectly. "The Locksmith" getting in people's grill, contesting shots and generally creating mischief; and "Mr. 50" hitting over 50% of his shots from 3-point range (13-23) and gesturing wildly.

On a team full of nice guys (Dirk, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry), DeShawn was the wild card, bringing the toughness (along with Tyson Chandler, Brenden Haywood and ironically Brian Cardinal) that was missing from the 2006 Mavericks squad.

While he may not be the conventional good guy, this picture makes it pretty clear where he ranks in the Mavericks organization.

*I can only assume Cubes is yelling "The Nuggets fucking blow," since those were the word he used while grabbing Arab Money's and my shoulders in a similar fashion.

**DeShawn and I are basically bros now, since I hang with Cuban and he does too, right?