Month of April Sack-Up: Draft, #Rapril, Nuggs & More

So, it appears I didn't do a lot of blogging in March and April, but shit, I was busy trying to find a job and I felt that blogging may not have been the best tactic. Also, I was getting drunk a lot. These things are unrelated, I'm sure.

Still, a lot has happened in the last month that I care to discuss, so hop on you hosehounds, we're going to catch up rapidly:

Since you last heard from me...Obama sonned Trump (and got his Call of Duty on on some other fool who then went deep sea diving), Eddie Royal got married and it was a big deal, Godzilla attacked Japan and God decided it was past time for Bama & Auburn fans to give up the souls they sold for back-to-back championships.  Other than that, pretty slow. 

NFL Draft: With all the crazy lockout nonsense going on, this kinda snuck up on everyone. And the damn Panthers decided to draft Vince Young  Cam Newton, because when you have a shot at a quarterback that is stupid, immature, a convict has questionable accuracy and a sketchy entourage, you just have to take them and throw about $40 mill at them. Somewhere JaMarcus Russell is laughing (but only because he be on that lean and them flashing blue lights is TRIPPPAY).

Anyway, no one cares about the Panthers anyway, we are here for the Broncos talk. And dammit if John Elway-God didn't throw a fucking home run in this draft. Von Miller was so happy he could of shit. That's the passion I like in my pass rushers. And his Twatter handle is @millerlite40. That is awesome. (Speaking of 40 oz. in my lap freezing my balls, I did 40 hands in Von's honor on Saturday and finished in 25 minutes. That is pretty fast considering it was like 2 in the afternoon after about 5 beers. Sadly, according to my Scotish friend Scotland, the record is 7 minutes. BY A GIRL).

Rahim Moore also got pretty choked up while on stage, and I think he has a great name for a saftey. You just got Rahim-ed up. Boom!

Would you look at that, Joshy McD, we actually drafted some defenders, what a novel fucking concept.  And on top of that, guys that were actually productive in college and went to succesful schools (and if you pop off about Nevada not being successful, go chinch with Osama). PS, that is 6th Round pick Virgil Green, who is super high in that picture and also a black man named Virgil.

Plus, Elway-God and Tebus Christ are bonding, so soon we will have a super quarterback.

You know, if the NFL ever comes around again.



#RAPRIL: A very fun month of Rockies baseball, and this team could still get a whole lot better. We are comfortably in first, and so far; Cargo can't hit, Ubaldo can't pitch, 3rd base is still a hole (and not the good kind), Street is living on the edge and we've almost been no-hit like seven times. And still, we be cool.

Hopefully things straighten out in Ray and we just keep on cruising. Usually the Rockies tend to heat up as the weather does, so fucking Colorado needs to get it's shit together and pump out some more 80 degree days so I can take off my shirt and drink beer and yell at Juan Pierre in center field (inside joke for all 10 people at the Rocks-Diamondbacks game with me).

Next year, totally making purple shirts with #RAPRIL on them. Put your money down now, I'm totally good for it.

Nuggtober Ends Early: I went on a pretty epic Twitter rant about the officiating in this series and will discuss it in more detail with the Dream Team in fucking July or whenever the NBA playoffs finally end, but the Nuggets got so shafted I just can't even invest in the NBA playoffs anymore. The double-standard and wildly inconsistent calls kill me. And I know a lot about those things, as I currently ref two nights a week. I'm pretty bad, but I think I could take Dick Bevetta in a ref off.

Since I won't be watching basketball, I'll be fighting my lovely new roomate Rocky and his master Eric for control of our super huge new TV (not actually ours in any way, all his) so I can watch...

HOCKEY: Which even though the Avs were awful, is much more exciting because it is almost always settled on the ice and overtime happens pretty much every night.

"Oh these NBA playoffs are awesome, so competitive and so much talent." -Every douchebag ever.

It only took about 40 games before the first overtime, you know how many overtime Stanley Cup games have been played this year? I'm not sure, but there has been at least one every night, so I can assume it's somewhere close to a fuck-ton.

Plus, skates, sticks and missing teeth look way cooler than tatoos and Kobe. Cheer for BRO-Vechkin and the Bruins, and not the Red Wangs.

Premier League: Hockey games too competitive for you? Well soccer won't be any better. Shit is getting real. My boy Torres is finally score again (not a typo, I think you have to do it more than once to say "scoring"). Barca and Real Madrid will play 4 times in 17 days (and even trophies commit suicide when Barca doesn't win). Liverpool is finding it's form once again and making a late Champions qualification bid. Clint Dempsey is the best EVAR at Fulham. Chelsea is poised to catch Manchester U in the last couple weeks. Drama-drama errawhere.


Charlie Sheen and #Manday: Nothing to do with sports, but this is how I spent my epic weekend. Full report soon.

Bacon cups and such,

Sack