Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Season 3, Episode 2

After a promising start to the episode, MTV had to do what they always do in the second episode and devolve into the relationship shit and bore the fuck out of me. Still doesn't mean I won't mock these Guidos, but it just isn't near as much fun when it is the same Ronni and Sammi shit as the last 3 seasons. Get that fucking whore off the show ASAP, even if it takes creative editing.

Oh well, onto the fun:

-Jennay was clearly the victor in Glancola-Farley II (yeah I looked up their last names), scoring with a few solid rights and then a nice facewash, until Vinny and the private security ruined the fun. Good job by Ronald, just sitting there and watching. Let your girlfriend fight her own battles.

-Speaking of security, since when are they at the house? I understand out in public some security will be needed, but on the "first night" at the house, when they never even left, why? Quit staging my reality MTV (I'm fully aware all reality is staged).

-"How many times do I have to tell you that Ronnie is cheating on you, dumbass?" -Snookers, coming hard and coming correct.

-"Me against the three trash bags in the house." -Sammy, who would undoubtedly suffocate if challenged by three trash bags.

-The girls call Sammy a female backpack since she stalks Ronni, but what else is she gonna do? She has no friends, I mean, she has never even had a friend come up to visit. Never even interacted with anyone besides one cop for one night in season one. She just gloms onto Ronni. She is just a girl who defines herself by her look and her boyfriend, she has no other substance.

-"Hey new girl, what is in a real boob?" -Vinny. "Fat" -D-Na. "Isn't it milk?" -Pauly. It is interactions like this that keep me coming back to this show.

-After avoiding a stalker, Vinny and the Sitch engage in some triple and quad-kisses, which I have explained previously never work. Sad, but true.

-"I will pee in a bush, I'll poop in a bush and I'll hide in a bush." -Snookers I'm sure did all three, and I bet she has been banged out in a few bushes.

-"Happy Anniversary to you too! (Click)" -Tawmy from Queens making a bold statement. When you call your boyfriend at like 2am, drunk, whining about stupid shit and desperate for attention, you are a horrible person. When you do it on your anniversary, you will get dumped. Which will hopefully lead to a drunken J-Woww on the prowl, devouring helpless men and "literally ripping their heads off" as she promises in the intro.

(Sidenote: Deena's intro boob grab and quote is titties, pun intended.)

-Programming note: There is really no better way to spend MLK Day than watching fake-baked Wiggers behave like animals. Doctor King must be so proud, his dream really has come true. Now today, members of all races are portrayed as poorly thought out stereotypes, not just blacks.

-Despite all the whores parading for the cameras, Vinny is the only one to convince one to come home, and Mikey tries to horn in, leading to a nice Chinese Finger Trap discussion.

""We gotta share." -Sitch. "Stay on your side." -Vinny.

Instead of going all Drama and Turtle, Vinny swoops the girl (revenge for Sitch's many "robberies") while Mike stares at himself in a mirror. Oh vanity, the biggest whore of all.

-Sunday dinner is ruined because Rammi go out to dinner, since Ron is "Done with that family shit."

-"You don't come home on Sunday with a giant banana and act like everything is peaches." -Pauly.

-Drama, drama, drama. I really didn't pay attention, because unless Sammi is sucker-punching Ron, I don't want to see them on my TV. And why is it okay to show Ronald getting got, while we couldn't see Snooki snookered? Reverse-feminism is ruining this country.


Hook-Ups: Vinny takes the lead with one, ONE. Come on editors and producers, I expect at least a 3/1 ratio on hook-ups to episodes. Step this shit up.

MVG: J-Woww, for getting after Sammi and doing TOM-ME dirty. Good work girl.

Next Week: 2 episodes, featuring hopefully a couple of break-ups and the sure to be entertaining Snooki arrest. "Wherez da beach? Oh, my face is currently buried in it."