Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Season 2, Episode 7 & 8 (Double Wrap that Shiz)

I took a week off from my bloguamole of Jersey Shore, because I knew that episode six would be fucking boring. Seriously, this was the final paragraph of my last Shore post.

Oh, wait. That is what should happen. Instead, Ron and Sam will fight. And the Situation will spit really contrived catchphrases. At least the J-Woww-Sammy rumble should take place, but if I know MTV (and I do), that will be at the DRAMATIC CONCLUSION of the episode.

Also, there was football to watch. Since CSU has given up on football, I am back to blogging about the Shore. PLUS, there were TWO fucking episodes this week and I had no idea. Look how out of the loop I was (and fortunate for my DVR).

We pick up this week with Ron and Sam back together, Sammy pissed at the girls for writing the note telling her Ron was cheating on her and Vinny pissed at Angelina for being born. Let the good times roll after the jump.


-J-Woww gets some good swings in early in the fight, but Sammy, thanks largely to Ron's full-Nelson on Jenny, connects with a couple wild swings. Plus, we got Snooks in there biting at ankles and Ronald getting all bitchy at Vin.

In the end, Sammy and J-Woww each recieved 5 minutes for fighting, Ron got a game misconduct for being the third one into the fight, while both Vinny and Angelina picked up instigators. WHEN WILL GARY BETTMAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE VIOLENCE IN HOCKEY? /wrong rant

-"The kitchen is a mess. There are hair extensions in the sink, fingernails and a tuna fish sangwhich on the floor." -Pauly D. Sounds like a typical Friday night in Guidotopia.

NOTE: I did not miss spell "sangwhich," that is literally what Pauly says.

-"He spends what, $39.99, $49.99. The man should be smashing." Pauly. $50 bucks is the going rate for hookers on the shore. I watched that Real Sex: Atlantic City Hookers show. For research.

"You gonna let him hit that?" -Paul
"Nah." -Staten Island Dump Angelina
"But he bought you a watch?" -Paul

-Snooki lets us know that she refuses to admit she is white. She writes "Other, Tan." I always like to put Aboriginal/Inuit.

-"The girl (Sammy) was peed on in many different ways and she just took it... It's kinda like when you are a kid and you wanna believe Santa Claus is alive, but Santa Claus is really dead." -The Situation

GREATEST QUOTE EVER? I say so. It would take years to explain the thought process here and just how disturbing it is. But I'll give it the old college try (or at least the old Colorado State try, which is giving up seconds after the kickoff).

1. How many different ways can one be peed on?
2. Santa Claus doesn't exist. He is not dead. If this is how Mikey's parents explained Christmas myths to him it explains a ton about his stunted growth as a person.
3. R. Kelly is pissed (pun intended) that he wasn't the first to somehow tie Golden Showers to Santa Claus' untimely death.

-I once woke up in college to my roommate getting a blow job in his bed, but I would never intentionally be in the same room as another couple hooking up. Both J-Woww and Mike just chill in rooms in these episodes while others smoosh, Mike even enjoying an egg sangwhich. Go sleep on the couch you fucking wierdos.

-Snooks: "I'm now waiting for, I can't remember his name...to come over." To smush. And she later calls Angelina a whore. Slut meet kettle. You're both whores.

Pretty sure his name is Pablo. Can't remember though.

-"Marco is a grenade, grundle, chode." Bet he is glad he signed the waiver to show his face.

-"Hey Vinny, you checking out the Staten Island Dump? I heard it is nice at this time of year." -Pauly D, as Vinny hooks up with Angelina.

I think this is the year of Vinny, he is killing it.


Intermission: A Short Story From Da'Sean Butler

All right, onto episode 8.

-Angelina did give Pablo a very nice birthday present. (Wait, Pablo was Snooki's Spanish guy. Angelina's is Paco, right? Like I'm gonna learn these Spaniards names).

Random TV PLUG for ARCHER:

Archer: How do you say 'The Hulk' in spanish?

Ramone: 'El Hulk'

Archer: Gay.

Ramone: What? We don't have a word for 'Hulk'

Archer: Do you have a word for gay?

Ramone: Gay.

Archer: Gayer! Jesus Spanish! Our jobs aren't enough now you gotta take our words?

 -"Obviously (Angelina's vagina) is loosy, goosey because (Vinny) got it in." It being his apparently giant dick. According to Snooki. Kinda reminds me of a Friends episode where Rachel talks up Chandler's dick in exchange for a favor. Clever move by Vinny, having Snooki give him some great publicity.

-I would kill to have Vinny's mother cook just one meal for me.

-Don Vito is so much skinnier these days. Lucky man, to be related to Vinny and Bam Margera.

-The Situation is having a bigger sophomore slump than Eddie Royal. Even when he pulls a girl from Vinny he gets played. Little airtime, grenades and trannys, bet he can't wait to escape Miami.

-After Mike's dick move of all dick moves, Angelina comes semi-clean to her Spanish friend about Vincenzo. All while he is dancing like an ass clown just a few feet away. Great comedy.

-We end on a sad note, with Vinny stood up by the second "Most Beautiful Girl in Miami" that he has seen in two episode. Going for the Dramatic Acting Emmy here, Vin, a good strategy.

The man now has set himself up as someone with a big dick and in need of sympathy. That is brilliant.

NEXT WEEK: TaaawwwMMM from Bawstahn comes to visit J-Woww. He gets pissed at her over a phone number. Grenades. Smushing. Mike discusses pissing on the Easter Bunny.

Predicted quote of the week, by Tom: "How daah yo-ah save this numbah of a dahkie? It is ovah!"