But you never know, this could be the week Brandon Marshall drops by to slap bitches (I'm really hoping for this as a dramatic season finale).
Our last vague memories of the Guidskis was of a very sad and forlorn Vinny. He was stood up by the girl of his dreams, who he was sure he would be his soulmate and he was totally gonna introduce to his mommy and they would live happily ever after in their house made of pasta with his 87 creepy uncles that just want him to bang strange trim. So sad.
-Ronnie comes with his best romantic overtures, trying to re-gift the flowers that Vinny bought for his Dreamlover to Sammy. Shockingly, Sam is not thrilled that her flowers are covered with "(Ron's) children, Mike children and Snooki juice."
No wonder Chivalry is dead, bitches turning their noses up at sperm Roses.
-"I'm the woman, so I pick and choose when we have sex." -Angelina. Ben Rothlisberger strongly disagrees with this opinion.
Angie also apparently would rather be labeled a whore and say she smushed two guys in two nights (or, as Kappas call it, Thursday) rather than be called a prude. Logical.
-"I don't want to turn her into a stalker, which I have a tendency to do." -Pauly D. No, Pauly, you have a tendency to hook up with lonely, damaged women, some of whom have a tendency to act like themselves (aka crazy stalker biatches).
-The first thing douchey T-Aw-Me from Bawstawn does is snoop through J-Woww's phone book. Trust issues?
Don't worry, the couple quickly has a rational discussion about trust and the dangers of prying into other's personal space and decides that they will be more open in the future so these kind of outbursts are a thing of the past.
Haha, no that would be disgusting. Tawwmmy just sticks a booger in J-Woww's mouth (Rothlisberger would have stuck something else in there). [Two Rapelisberger jokes already, I'm on a roll]
-Cucha? Cooka? Cooocha? Whatever word that Snooks is using for her vagina is pretty awesome. Plus the fact the she once almost broke her vagina bone on Vinny's dick is classic (I know she says bicycle as she hit a house, but both of those are clearly euphemisms for Vinny's dick).
-"IIIIIITTTTTT'SSSSs TTTT-SHIRRRRTTTT TIIIIMMMME!" (Repeat x100)... "CAB"S HERE!"
-"You're so hot." -Mike. "Thanks, I'm a model." -Random not-model.
If you have to say it, you aren't. I am tall, I don't tell people I'm tall. Just saying.
-"You ever had that feeling, where you are having the worst time and want to kill everyone?" -Random tool/douche/taint/Cuban.
"Yeah, right now." -Snookers.
-Blacked out Snooks creepy crawls into J-Woww and Tommy's smash-session like a grommet. She really is pretty amazing. Just TV fucking gold.
BTW, every time a couple of people fight in this show, they later hook-up (Ron+Sam, Vin+Angie, J-Woww+Tom. I sense a trend.)
-Does Jackass really need to be in 3D? It's like that testicle attached to a rocket is gonna explode right in my face. Can't wait.
(In reality, I will support this solely because I know that Bam, Johnny and Steve's coke funds have got to be pretty low right now, and they were pretty vital to my teenage developement. How else would I have survived in the dale without shopping cart crashes and throwing pool balls at my friend's balls).
-Pauly D should create more "excitement" in the Ron and Sam relationship. I would suggest writing a note about what Ron did and hiding it in Sam's bed.
-"I know that every month (Girls) have a situation." -Mike, unwittingly calling himself a bloody menstrual cramp. Can't really describe him in more flattering terms.
-Mike puts the bloody "Situation" in Angie's bed. She finds it, laughs it off. Upset he is still unable to truly piss her off, Mike decides to call her out in front of her new friend about being a whore. Apparently this crossed the line, now Angelina is pissed.
Next week: Mike and Angelina bang. Also, Snooki and Angelina fight. I am willing to assume they then bang.
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