Guess what? Not much is going on in the sports world, so I live Tweeted Jersey Shore. Now I redo it. Lazy? You bet. Entertaining? Duh.
Mind you these Tweters began at 4:00am, after I got off for work. And keep in mind I finish two monster Whiskey-Sprites while playing my drinking game.
My tweets are numbered and in bold, followed by further explanation not in bold, as if that is needed. Enjoy:
1. Jersey Shore Drinking Time. @greenaaker turn off your texts haha. The Situation is that I am going to get drunk.
-Last week's Tweet of the Week, if I had actually done that Sack-Up, would have been:
GreenAaker:
Waking up16 times by drunken tweets about #Jerseyshore between the hrs of 3a.m.-6a.m. = Im officially unsubscribing via SMS 2 @messiahthadon
Sorry Benjamin, but at least I warned you this time.
2. Ron-Ron keeps talking about "The Equation" with Sam. Don't lie Ronny, you can't do math.
-Ronnie's laugh is seriously the dumbest, non-retarded laugh I have ever heard. Brennan, the retard my roomate once punched, laughed more intelligently.
3. J-Woww needs to break it off. Worst two minutes of this show ever. I'm not watching these people for relationships.
-Ugghhhh. Drag. It. Out. A. Little more MTV.
Shit, I couldn't even handle typing it that slow. Let J-Woww get single already. We don't need to wait four episodes for her to get gangbanged. I know it will happen eventually. Pauly D will make her Miss D eventually.
4. "Sex is natural...yada yada" Sam's description. Ron-Ron: "Yeah, we smushed." Succinct, Ronald. Nice.
-Hard to capture this in 140 characters, but nothing illistrates the differences between men and women more than this. Sam goes on for quite a while describing what happens, then they cut to Ron and he sums it up in three words. Ronnie, a journalists dream.
5. Thank God for Sit and Pauly D, at least they have fun.
-You know, and try for unprotected sex. What kind of asshole joins an MTV show with a significant other. Has this ever worked?
6. Snoooookkkkkkerrrrrss gone get done up, y'all. I have a boner. Can't fast forward commercial break fast enough.
-MTV really played this up well. I was more premature than Jason Biggs in anticipation for this Sucker Punch Heard Round the Shore.
7. Another commercial break...Fuck it, pausing it so I can watch the punch online....Whammy.
8. http://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/index.ssf/2009/12/mtv_jersey_shore_snooki_punch.html Snookered.
-But, like real life, I just found a video online to satisfy my craving.
9. Oh man, her hat just goes flying.
-It is like a snuff film. I assume. Never watched one. But if there was a Snookers snuff film, I would probably download it.
10. Another commerical break = more watching snookie get punched.
11. Russ/Ron...Shit, I'm surprised Snookie was that close.
-There is a friends episode with a Russ/Ross story line. I may be gay for comparing this.
12. Vinnie is the Ronaldo Balkman of this show. What role does he play? The man is funny, get him some airtime.
-Oh, I finally relate this to sports. About got damn time.
13. Snookers is so pissed she hasn't gotten pounded yet by a dude. Time for the Universe to teach her what Irony is...
-I really wish her mother would have been next to her when she got snapped on. I was fully expecting this. WHAT A FUCKING LETDOWN, MTV.
14. That guy was a (gym) teacher, so maybe he was trying to teach her. In the old "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes" way.
-The joke is that you tell a woman with two black eyes "Nothing. Because you already told her twice." Fucking character limit.
15. I am so calling Brad Lidge "The Situation" next time I'm at a Phillies game.
-hahaha. Yeah jacko2323 said, "When it comes to "closers" nobody is ever going to compare "The Situation" to Mariano Rivera." first, but he also watched it first. I would have come up with this joke as well, it is easy.
16. Jose Mesa actually translates in "La Situation" in Spanish.
-See, I just topped it.
17. J-Woww dancing with "Some toolbag with a blowout." Really narrows it down there. "You see any..." "Only when I open my eyes" /Harold&Kumar'd
-Does J-Woww's boyfriend spell his name Taaaammmm. Because he should. Or maybe Ta-M. Taw-Emmm. He can't be just Tom.
18.I love how even Guidos hate frat guys....@valerie_jb kinda said it first. Greek Life really has a tough PR job. Maybe I should apply there.
-Seriously, being in PR for the KKK is easier than trying to stick up for a frat these days.
19. MTV would pull the actual punch yet make the whole thing a two part episode.
-But you know what this means? More Snooookies fun next week. Holla.
Showing posts with label Gigantic Pig Noses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gigantic Pig Noses. Show all posts
Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
An up and down weekend (with LOL-pictures)...and Ryan Howard has a giant pig nose
My personal happiness probably revolves too much around the success, or lack thereof, of the sports teams that I follow. Case in point, this weekend:
After spending about a month unemployed, in the course of the past few days I have been hired at not one, but two jobs. I started one of them and realized that it was maybe the easiest job ever, and my second job will be as a bouncer at a popular Gaslamp club, which should help me meet a ton of new people in San Diego, something I desperately need to do. I also connected with some fellow Bonedalians who have relocated to SD, watched the Broncos game with a great group of people and ate lobster for the first time in my life.
Yet with all those awesome experiences this weekend, as the clock strikes midnight I am sitting alone at my computer pissed off that the Rockies lack of control on the mound, and the umpires lack of vision, cost them a game. Add in the fact I earlier watchedhighlights lowlights of the most recent CSU choke job, and I am much more upset than I have any right to be.
Fuck it, here are my most pressing/random thoughts about each of this weekend's games:
CSU vs. Utah:
-I didn't get to watch this live, as I was "working" facilities in Lemon Grove, which consisted of me reading a book while my crazy VatoLoco coworker slept on a nearby couch. I did get Twitter updates all game long (+1 to Twitter, -1 to me for not having an I-Phone or laptop), and from those I put all blame on Grant Stucker. Actually I have no real idea, but he obviously flamed out down the stretch for CSU. The consensus seems to be that Grant is less to blame than the coaching staff for abandoning the run, but it still seems weird that we have yet to see Mr. Jon Eastman make an appearance. I think that changes vs. TCU unless CSU can somehow keep it close.
-While I love drinking myself warm (and good-looking), I was not too upset to be stuck in lovely SD with the ability to go for a nice run outside. Props though to the 30,000+ that braved the weather to support CSU. Good to see Hughes Stadium looking more and more packed
-If someone had told me that CSU would be 3-3 after six games in the preseason, I would have jumped on that shit like Tulo on a neck high fastball. We will likely be 3-4 after TCU, disapointing after a 3-0 start, but every remaining game is certainly winnable. A reappearance in a bowl was the goal for the season, so it is not time to jump off the bandwagon.
-We need Momo to play with a chip on his shoulder like Nick Opp does. Kid is nails.
-I blame this loss solely on Trevor Edy (or Tjedy, as he goes by on Twitter) for calling me asking "Can you believe this?" after the Rams took a 17-3 lead. Before I could even answer the phone CSU had given up a score and thrown a pick. DAMN YOU, EDDDYYYYY!!!! (Falls to knees, raises fist to the heavens and shakes it)
Broncos vs. Pats: (I.E. Welcome to the picture portion of the blog-ram)
-So this Neckbeard character is pretty good, huh:
-I kept thinking I was cheering for the pissy and poopy Cowpokes.
Rocks vs. Phillies:
-Yorvitt and Clint will be the death of me. Quickly, 5 things that could have done more damage to the Rockies today than their bagles at the plate:
1) AIDS.
2) Matt Holliday playing every defensive position.
3) Two drunk monkeys dressed in purple.
4) Sarah Palin
5) The Umps
-Yes, let's give a big shout-out to the umpires who all watched Chase Utley foul a ball off his shin, then get thrown out at first and still decided to award him first base. No it doesn't excuse Jason Giambi and Tulowitzki from popping up in with the tying run on second, but I would still be watching baseball otherwise.
-The Rockies inability to throw strikes was a big deal as well, but guess who decides what the strike zone is? It is those highly reliable and on-the-ball guys I just bitched about above.
-Did you know that Coors Field has a big outfield and that it was cold. I didn't, so thanks TBS douchebags for reminding me every six seconds.
-We end with a picture, that sums up why I still love this Rockies team, and Rockies fans at Purple Row:
(I stole this from PurpleRow)
-URGENT LAST MINUTE EDIT: It has come to my attention, via sources from Eagle-Vail, that Ryan Howard has a gigantic pig nose.
After spending about a month unemployed, in the course of the past few days I have been hired at not one, but two jobs. I started one of them and realized that it was maybe the easiest job ever, and my second job will be as a bouncer at a popular Gaslamp club, which should help me meet a ton of new people in San Diego, something I desperately need to do. I also connected with some fellow Bonedalians who have relocated to SD, watched the Broncos game with a great group of people and ate lobster for the first time in my life.
Yet with all those awesome experiences this weekend, as the clock strikes midnight I am sitting alone at my computer pissed off that the Rockies lack of control on the mound, and the umpires lack of vision, cost them a game. Add in the fact I earlier watched
Fuck it, here are my most pressing/random thoughts about each of this weekend's games:
CSU vs. Utah:
-I didn't get to watch this live, as I was "working" facilities in Lemon Grove, which consisted of me reading a book while my crazy VatoLoco coworker slept on a nearby couch. I did get Twitter updates all game long (+1 to Twitter, -1 to me for not having an I-Phone or laptop), and from those I put all blame on Grant Stucker. Actually I have no real idea, but he obviously flamed out down the stretch for CSU. The consensus seems to be that Grant is less to blame than the coaching staff for abandoning the run, but it still seems weird that we have yet to see Mr. Jon Eastman make an appearance. I think that changes vs. TCU unless CSU can somehow keep it close.
-While I love drinking myself warm (and good-looking), I was not too upset to be stuck in lovely SD with the ability to go for a nice run outside. Props though to the 30,000+ that braved the weather to support CSU. Good to see Hughes Stadium looking more and more packed
-If someone had told me that CSU would be 3-3 after six games in the preseason, I would have jumped on that shit like Tulo on a neck high fastball. We will likely be 3-4 after TCU, disapointing after a 3-0 start, but every remaining game is certainly winnable. A reappearance in a bowl was the goal for the season, so it is not time to jump off the bandwagon.
-We need Momo to play with a chip on his shoulder like Nick Opp does. Kid is nails.
-I blame this loss solely on Trevor Edy (or Tjedy, as he goes by on Twitter) for calling me asking "Can you believe this?" after the Rams took a 17-3 lead. Before I could even answer the phone CSU had given up a score and thrown a pick. DAMN YOU, EDDDYYYYY!!!! (Falls to knees, raises fist to the heavens and shakes it)
Broncos vs. Pats: (I.E. Welcome to the picture portion of the blog-ram)
-So this Neckbeard character is pretty good, huh:
-Brandon Marshall is pretty fucking Boss:
-I kept thinking I was cheering for the pissy and poopy Cowpokes.
To summerize:
(So I stole this idea and the second pic from Kissing Suzy Kolber, holler)
Rocks vs. Phillies:
-Yorvitt and Clint will be the death of me. Quickly, 5 things that could have done more damage to the Rockies today than their bagles at the plate:
1) AIDS.
2) Matt Holliday playing every defensive position.
3) Two drunk monkeys dressed in purple.
4) Sarah Palin
5) The Umps
-Yes, let's give a big shout-out to the umpires who all watched Chase Utley foul a ball off his shin, then get thrown out at first and still decided to award him first base. No it doesn't excuse Jason Giambi and Tulowitzki from popping up in with the tying run on second, but I would still be watching baseball otherwise.
-The Rockies inability to throw strikes was a big deal as well, but guess who decides what the strike zone is? It is those highly reliable and on-the-ball guys I just bitched about above.
-Did you know that Coors Field has a big outfield and that it was cold. I didn't, so thanks TBS douchebags for reminding me every six seconds.
-We end with a picture, that sums up why I still love this Rockies team, and Rockies fans at Purple Row:
-URGENT LAST MINUTE EDIT: It has come to my attention, via sources from Eagle-Vail, that Ryan Howard has a gigantic pig nose.
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