Superchargers...HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHHHAHAH

What? Huh? How the fuck I lose to Dirty Sanchez?

Good job, assholes. At least the Broncos had the respect to lose in the regular season. You guys got your hopes up so high. And then, WHAMMY! No soup for you.

You lost to Marc "Poise" Sanchez becuase Rivers the Floatation Device and Nate "Towlie" Kaeding choked like Sasha Grey on a fatty cock. This is the best Christmas ever.

I was seriously going to move from San Diego if these cockbags won the Super Bowl, but, "What me worry?" No, I had no reason. With el ducho numero uno Norv in charge and the biggest collection of Vag-slurpers in the West, the Chargers DID WHAT WE THOUGH THEY WOULD.

Fifty fucking years in the league, and a big fat zero under the Super Bowl column. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And in your one trip to the big dance, you got treated like a concierge in Eagle checking on Kobe's room. Suck a fatty dick.

I am so proud that as soon as Shonn Greene Thomas Jones got that last first down I was able to yell to the entire condo complex that "San Diego sucks my ass." I am a schadenfreude exhibitionist, so wallowing in the misery of the Chargers fans gives me a potential BJ at the strip club-type boner.

On a related note, Warren Moon was drunk as shit at the Pizza place co-owned by my work last night. I hope he hung out with Marmalard, because I think soon those two assholes will be linked in history as biggest chokers of all-time.

Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Week 5

When we last left Jersey Shore, Snookers had just taken a shot to the jaw. It was beautiful, until MTV cut it. Weak. It was nowhere as tough as the LaGarrett Blount Falcon Punch . Really, those are the two moments that will always stick in my memory when I think of 2009, Snookie and the Blount. Kind of shows what a bleh year 2009 was, that two white bitches getting socked are my defining memories.

Anyway, I know that I am late with this, but I was still so drunk/hungover when this episode first aired that I was incapable of drinking (and I also had to report to work on New Years), and I didn't want to rob you of my drunken opinions of the only greatest reality TV show there is (I wanted to say only, but I have started watching two others. Before you judge, realize one focuses on CSU and the other features some clown from CSU. Maybe more on the latter, later). So without further adieu, here are my snap reactions to episode 5:

-Honestly, how in the world did the Situation not beat some ass. Just one or two swings, even half-hearted and that guy is dining on pussy the rest of his life. He would be a hero for standing up for girls everywhere. Instead he froze like someone shot by Schwartzenager in that awful Batman movie (insert more current reference here). I also like how Ronnie acts like Mike is a bitch, but he didn't do shit either. None of them did. That is weak.

-Mike "El Situation" creeping still after Snooks got blasted was maybe the most hilarious moment of 2009. Just absolutely no class. That is like stealing a man's wallet after he gets jumped, lays bleeding to death, and not calling 911. And yet he still comes off better than some of the other cast-members at the close of this episode. This cast is more shallow than a kiddie pool.

-The cops make Snookie walk home. Jersey Shore Po-Po need to step up. You even make the Bonedale Police look lazy.

-Everyone decides they actually like Snookie after she gets KTFO. As if that is some sort of badge of honor.

-Even Ron-Ron's parents are shallow and all about themselves. Or, as Vinnie calls them, good people. (Wa-Wa-What?)

-Ron, to his mother: "Drink your Mimosa, smoke another cigarette and take it easy." Ron, your mother just wants to get her cancer tan on, don't make her get her cancer smoke on.

-Vinnie is like a fucking lost puppy so far in this show, just tagging along. For fuck's sake, do something. If anyone is playing my game and drafted Vin, you now know how Detroit Lions fans have felt about every draft since 1989 (Barry Sanders, fyi).

-J-Woww's advice to Snook. "Let's drink heavily." Based on that line alone, I want to marry her. She is a woman after my own heart. Every situation can be solved with shots and rapid chugging of beer.

-Snookers, on killing Lobsters: "I don't like to eat anything that is alive when you kill it." Good thing it is a well-known fact that cows are born dead, or else hamburgers would be off my personal menu as well.

-DJ Pauly D, on the strength of his hair gel. : "I'm not sure my hair is bulletproof, but I'm not about to test it." I am willing to bet there is a significant portion of Americans that are willing to test this for you. "I'll play the part of the barber and put a part up in your hair. Sit inside of my barber's chair, I'll let the four-fifths clippers clip a ni--a" Gratuitous rap lyric supplied by Ray Cash- Killa With the Flow (prod. by the Kickdrums

-Pauly D on some girls: "They aren't whores. We might have to see them once or twice." Vinnie piles on. "Some girls will come in and jump into the hot tub. Some girls you have to treat like human beings." I hate bitches that I have to treat as human beings. I want to fuck alien bitches. Mainly illegal alien bitches. You have to pay less that way. And you can beat them up without paying extra.


-FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT. Chick fight and Snookie didn't even get a fresh one in the kisser. J-Woww done Guido Windmilled some bitch. Then, she had to adjust her boobs, because they were pointing completely different directions. Like googly-eyed Jason Ibanez from my high school soccer team (or Stuart Scott, for you non-Carboners)

ASIDE: I see a whole shit load of boob jobs out here in Cali, and all I can say is, girls, go the whole ten yards. Don't half-ass a boob job like J-Woww. I appreciate all boobs, real or fake, but when they look like they are trying to separate like Jon and Kate (whoo, totally out of date reference) it kinda grinds my gears. Make sure you go under the muscles, the over-the-top treatment just doesn't work. Boobs should work together, they should not be trying to avoid each other like the polar sides of magnets.

-Ronald dispenses some great advice, on J-Woww's boyfriend Tom, who is a biggity-bitch: "I would send her a picture of my dick and some bubble gum." If I ever were able to have an ex-girlfriend, I would send her this. I should send this to a bunch like my one hook-up. Look out, (radio edit). This would actually be a nice present since Trophy Wife's mother said I had a nice looking penis once upon a time. Again, this would mean I would have to have a girlfriend, and that will probably never happen, until I am more whipped than Ron-Ron.

-Vinnie finally breaks out. Stealing the bosses bitch. What a way to finish. It only took him five episodes to finally shine. Is he a Chauncey Billups, a late-bloomer who became captain clutch, or is he a Kenny Anderson who teased us with potential and never amounted to shit? The jury is out.

Next Week: Is only two days away. The best part about procrastinating is that you shorten the waiting time. Right?

P.S. The Real World features some kid from CSU. I will update on him as well, but the AZN summarized him best after one episode, and when I can steal material, I do (Ignore her bad grammar):

"thanks to RW23 and Andrew, Colorado is represented as a nerdy, hilarious lying, sexually active but not really at all, racist, retarded, stuffed animal lovin, kind of creepy, kind of awesome state... HEY RAMMIE, way to rep your C-STATERS."

Why the fuck wasn't I on the Real World? Bullshit!

The Weekend Sack-Up: There's the Kyle Orton we all know and hate

I watched about five minutes of yesterday's game. If I wanted to watch a three-hour disaster where I knew the ending I would rather watch Titanic, because at least there are boobs in that. Denver missed the playoffs when they shit the bed against Washington and Oakland. Still, my futile effort was better than the one made by the Denver defense in getting reamed by the immortal Jamal Charles.

Oh, and Kyle Orton certainly dealt with the loss of Scheffler, Royal and Marshall by getting blacked out to the point that he thought Derrick Johnson was wearing blue and orange while channeling Cutty-Buddy.

All I know is the Broncos better vastly improve on both the offensive and defensive lines next season. You win games in the trenches and we got destroyed there like the French in WWII.

I also know that I am going to miss Brandon Marshall. He is a beast, but I see no way that he comes back. Hopefully we get some compensation for him. McDaniels needs to find us a QB.

Three years in a row we have blown the home finale with a playoff spot on the line. Fuck that shit.

I guess, based on the way the year started with McD pissing off everyone and alienating Cutler, this shouldn't have been a surprise, but after a 6-0 start this is still severely disappointing. At least I'm not a fan of a team that lost 9 straight to lose the season (oh wait. Thanks to CSU my football teams have combined for two wins in their last 17 games. WOOOOOO)

Oh, and if you expected pictures you can go fuck yourself. I'm pretty happy that I was able to make it out of bed today. If you hear of a slaughter of Chargers fans in the next couple of days, you should probably wipe this blog from your internet history, lest you be culpable somehow.

Nuggs: Chauncey and Melo out and the Nuggs at least pulled off one W. Get healthy, boys.

CSU Basketball: Beat the shit out of Yale. How Do You Like Them Apples? /Matt Damon movie.  What, wrong school? All those Ivy League schools can go suck a dick anyway.

Also, if you are a CSU fan you need to check out Reaching the Peak, the CSU basketball reality TV show. It is on the MTN, but actually pretty well done. Timmy Miles cracks me up every time, especially his constant speculation about Jesse Carr's pelvis. (How is that for a teaser).

CSU Football: Joel Dreessen had his best NFL game ever for the Texans. Check out this shit:
Fort Morgan's Own

Too bad guys named Chris/Kris Brown combined to cost the Texans at least four games this year.

 New Years and Club Shit: New Year's Eve at the club was actually very uneventful. The day before NYE was much more eventful. It was the night of the Holiday Bowl, so all sort of Nebraska and Arizona fans and players dropped by afterward. Ndakumognganga Suh was there as well. But the real highlight was my first semi-chokehold and kneedrop on some drunk asshole who tried to run away after getting into a fight and knocking over some shit.

The clapping wasn't necessary, but thank you.

New Years consisted of a really boring night watching amatures get way too hammered, but at the end of the night my bosses rented a party bus and a suite at a badass Sheridan that overlooked the bay. So while most of you assholes were passing out after getting cleared out from the bars, I was drinking free booze. All night and until the sun rose.

Then, as the sun was rising over the lovely Pacific Ocean, I took a cab to a bar that had opened at 6AM for 3$ U-Call-Its. I had a few Bloody Marys before finally heading home to pass out at 8:30AM. That is how New Year's is done.

Avalanche: Still rolling along at a pretty good pace. 18 games until the trade deadline, the Avs need to make a little push so they can add a couple of pieces at the deadline (I'm thinking a couple of veteran wingers who play good D while also being able to chip in a few goals.

Rockies: Miguel Olivo instead of Yorvitt. Not sure that is what I would call an upgrade. Hopefully Dreamy Iannetta hits above .220.


Tweets of the Week:
gilbertarenas: i guess everyone wants me to act like the rest of the nba twitters players...(i bought a shirt today from the mall)(practice was tough 2 day

-Yep, Gilbert began tweeting this week. I wonder why? Do they not let you tweet from jail?

Seriously, I'm sure it was just a joke gone awry, as he said. The man made a dumb decision, but he shouldn't be sent to jail, ala Chedder Plax. This shit will blow over, I hope. Because the man is Nick Cannon. Hil-Lar-E-Ous.

jimgaffigan: "I gotta feeling" that I'm gonna get really sick of that Black Eyed Peas song.

-I will stab Fergie if I ever see her, but she probably won't come back to SD after pissing her pants during Street Fest a few years ago.


Go Fuck Yourself: Every week I choose someone special to fuck off. This week, it is Fox:

Dear Fox,

You need to stop broadcasting college football. You are fucking awful. Just fucking pathetic. So go fuck yourselves.


You make me so angry while watching games that I yell at my father to put it on mute. Thom Brennamen and whatever other shitcunts that you have in the booth continue to call players the wrong name and only slurp the stars, because these games, only the biggest of the year, are probably the only games that they have watched all year. Plus, I get Jimmie fucking Johnson and other dickeared manginas telling me about the game, like that asshole has watched a college football game since he left Miami in 1988.


Plus, you have way to many fan and band shots. Instead of showing interesting stuff like replays or stats. Nope, I get 5000 shots of Potato-fucking clowns from Boise wearing TOTALLY RAD facepaint. And if you must show fans, show hot girls. Find a few, and just show them. I have been TCU, I know that there are only atractive girls everywhere. How your cameras kept zooming in on purple fatties I will never know. As for Boise, errr, well, put Ian Johnson's fiance at one of the 40 yard-lines and cut to her. I understand hot girls from Idaho are hard to find.

You finally found some hot TCU girls crying at the end, when it was far too late. I don't want to see crying hot girls, that is the time that I like the beautiful shots of the crying fatties and kids.

And please, bands are not to be shown up close. Show them from the fucking blimp, spelling out cool stuff on the field. Those fucking nerds are the dregs of humanity and have no business on my TV. If I was fortunate enough to have an HDTV I would have been forced to switch to the regular feed.


GO FUCK YOURSELVES


P.S. Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are so shitty that they influenced my hatred, without ever appearing on my TV screen.

This Week:  I'm terrible at following the schedule I set, but you will get two Jersey Shore updates this week. Guido's honor. One from last week and one from Thursday's show. The Nuggets/NBA discussion will be moved back a week or so at least, it will just be a midseason report, not a 1/3 season.

The Weekend Sack-Up: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Yes, that above picture is pretty much what the Broncos have done to me in each of the last three years. Look at how professional it is.

I should have know better. I should just stop watching, like my parents have (they went whale watching, didn't see one, and still had a better day than me). I even told Boyle that they were going to make it close and then break my heart. Just like I called it last week. Yet they keep pulling me back. Next week I will wake up to watch the early games, convince myself the Broncos have a chance, only to get kicked in the gut at the last possible instant. I should try heroin, as it might be far easier to catch the dragon than be happy with the Broncos.

-Edy pointed out on his Tweeter page that the Broncos defensive celebration is pretty much "N-gga's gotta eat," and Darrell Reid's Twitter seconds that notion. This was the best moment of the game, as he celebrates the fumble he forced that allowed Denver back into the game. I take special pride in the fact that I Tweeted: "Fumble on the kickoff. I'm callin it" only to have it happen just seconds later. I really am Nostradamus.

(Alternate caption was something akin to "Look at my JFK Jr. impression", but I couldn't actually go there. See, I do have a bit of a moral compass. Plus it isn't really current. I'm glad there haven't been any plane crashes lately)

(I wish Twitter would pay me five bucks per mention)

-Yeah, and then this happened. The Savaged joke is due to the fact that the punter's name is Sav Rocca. What a great porn name.

-Excuses are for assholes, and I am an asshole, so:

1. For at least the second straight game, the Broncos opponent wasn't called for one holding penalty. Wicked awesome. And then, with the Broncos pinned deep and the season on the line, the refs threw two flags for holding on the Broncos. Justified, yes, but I am sure the Eagles held at least once.

2. Questionable penalties on Champ and Wesley Woodyard (even Fuckwad Simms Sr. said he didn't see a thing) kept alive an Eagles drive, that gave them their only TD in the second half.

3. There was that little rape that kinda pissed Stokes off

4. And then they tossed him for barely slapping a ref's pinkie.

5. Why did the clock stop after Orton's run with 1:50 left in the game? The Eagles declined the penalty and didn't take a time out. Should have been about 1:10 left when the Broncos punted. Not really a big deal, but the refs were fucking up all day long. Glad the Broncos got a marquee crew.

-This game should be another example of why going for it on fourth down is good. Denver has a 4-and-4ish on there own 13. DeSean Jackson is a great returner. Mitch Berger sucks my balls. Why don't the Broncos go for it? Even changing the field 40 yards in that situation barely takes the Eagles out of field goal range. Giving them the ball at the 45 or the 15 isn't much of a difference with 1:50 left.

It may actually have improved the Denver situation, as you basically have four outcomes after the 3rd down play:
1) What happened.
2) Denver punts and the Eagles take over at midfield. Denver stops them and the game goes to OT.
3) Denver goes for it, gets the first down and then is able to keep control of the clock/drive for a score.
4) Eagles get the ball, in field goal range. Eagles probably don't do anything much on offense, just run it three times and kick a field goal. Denver gets the ball back after the kickoff with about a minute left.

We know the offense has the upper hand in the NFL, so I would rather take my shot at picking up four yards rather than give Donovan McNabb the chance to pick up about 10 yards.

Random Celebrity Shit: So Wild Thing Vaughn Charlie Sheen was arrested in Aspen for beating up his wife, yet I had to see his an goddamn awful Hanes commercials non-stop during the game. Yet El Tigre can't be found. Uhhhh?

On one hand you have: A) a decent actor who is a woman-beater, drug-abuser, adulterer, child-porn loving asshole who made me feel sympathy for retarded Denise Richards by leaving her a voicemail threatening to kill her and calling her the N-bomb illogically, or: B) the best golfer in the world who happened to bang everything that moved and killed a fire hydrant.

Seems the obvious choice to sell me underpants is option A. I would never want to buy a razor because of that other asshole. AMERICA you need to figure your shit out.

Avalanche: While the Broncos consistently kick me in the taint, the Avs are as annoyingly bi-polar. They kick ass one night, then blow a two-goal lead in the last 10 minutes of regulation, then come back to kick ass again. Still, they are first in the division, which is pretty damn unexpected. Chris Stewart is killin' it. And he is black. So guess who my new favorite player is? Fooled ya. It is still Matty Duchene, but Stewie's awesomeness has been crucial for the Avs in the last 20 games.

Nuggets: Not really a big fan of what they have been up to. JR finally going off is nice, but the fact that Chauncey is banged up makes me worry. We need to get another big man as well. More to come soon when I discuss the first-1/3 of the NBA season with the Ice Cream Edy.

Go Fuck Yourself: I'm going to try to add this in every week.  I am going to tell someone to fuck off. This week, it is Stan Van Gundy:

Hey Stan,

Remember when you bitched about the NBA playing games on Christmas. You actually said:

"I actually feel sorry for people who have nothing to do on Christmas Day other than watch an NBA game."

Well, go fuck yourself. Most of us are sick of talking to our families and need something to fill the awkward gaps. Like when I don't know what to say to my soon-to-be step Grandma, you know what fills the gap? Screaming at Kobe.

So sad you didn't get to spend time with your family like you wanted to, but you probably should have thought of your family before you signed up to coach in a sport where you play 82 FUCKING regular season games a year. By the way, Stan, you make millions. You can afford to have Christmas like 30 times a year.

Like any NBA players want to have Christmas off anyway. They would be like Vince Vaughn and Reece Witherspoon in 4 Christmases. Which illegitimate family are they going to choose? Isiah Jr.'s baby momma or Isiah II? Like they want to see Taneshwa again so she can serve them more paternity papers? No way. They can't be in Harlem, San Diego and Houston in the same day. There are greater odds that an NBA player will be in the same town with his child IF they are sent on the road.

GO FUCK YOURSELF

P.S. You look like Ron Jeremy.


Colorado State: Covered in my previous pregaming post. Let's beat some Fresno ass like we are in New Mexico, ya dig?


Joel Dreessen balled out for the Oilers Texans today. Bawse.


Tweet of the Week: The Mike Donovan: "A horse finished second in the voting for AP female athlete of the year! A horse! Congrats Serena you beat a friggin horse."

In Da Club: Not too much going down. Some fool from the Nebraska coaching staff offered me tickets to the Holliday Bowl to sneak into the club. I have to work that night, so no dice for him. Apparently we always charge $50 a head when busy. That is mucho dinero.


New Year's Eve should be awful fun. Awful in that it will be redonkulessly busy with shit shows all over. Fun in that I expect someone to offer me hundreds of dollars to come in.

As well, my boss says that I should basically expect to get raped by drunken girls. Which, depending on the situation and looks of the girl, could range wildly on the enjoyment scale. Whether or not you care, I will share.


This Week: NBA update with Edy and hopefully some new Jersey Shore action.

Shout-out: To Kilometers, for his awesome birthday gift that I finally put into action. The African-American Heritage Game for Kids is now an awesome drinking game. Boyle and I put our heads together and drunkeness exploded. Bong couldn't handle the punishment and spent this morning imitating a dragon.

The Weekend Sack-Up: JaMarcus Russell Ate My Dreams

How? How the fuck did that happen? JaMarcus "Big Fat Waste of Life" Russell just shat triumphantly on the Broncos. The man born to throw interceptions somehow managed to drive about 80 yards in the final minutes of a game to beat the Broncos by one fucking point.

The best part of it all? This happened literally seconds after watching the Chargers win in some truely cuntastic fashion. Cinci had just managed to tie up the Chargers and was 15 seconds from going to OT. All they had to do was keep the Chargers in bounds, as SD has no timeouts left. They weren't going to try a 67-yard field goal. Instead the bumblefuck DBs for the Bengals shit themselves and gave up a 15-yard out pattern and Nate Kaeding kicked a fucking bomb to win the game.

When that kick went through I knew the Broncos were going to find a way to lose. It was in the cards. I think I have some theories why:

-God hates me and wants to punish me. Probably for the fact that I habitually masturbate and am generally a bad person. And for making fun of Brittany Murphy (Seriously, her greatest role was as the 3rd lead in Clueless. Gimme a break. Aston Kutcher ditching January Jones for her and then moving on to Demi Moore has got to be the world's biggest Punk'd episode. I think Brittany was going to spill the beans so Aston had to have her killed. Or she was just going to out him for being gay).
 

-Someone teach the Broncos coaches the Heimlich maneuver. Damn.

-The Broncos defense is all about eating. They mime eating after big plays on defense, Darrell Reid's Twitter talks about not eating lunch or breakfast and going to the game hungry, etc. Well, guess what? JaMarcus' fat ass is always hungry. He is just a big, hungry Bammer. JaMarcus can out eat everybody. He is like that Kobiyashi guy. Mow, Mow, Mow. Always eating. Which is why, as soon as Charlie Frye got KTFO (Cue Chris Tucker: Knocked the FUCK out!) it made perfect sense for the Big Fat QB to come eat everything, especially my dreams.

-The refs sucked donkey balls. D-Reid and the Broncos defensive linemen couldn't eat, especially on that last drive, because they were getting mouth-raped by Raiders lineman. And B-Marsh was held at least two times in the end zone by Raiders cornerbacks, yet got no calls. But Broncos DBs were flagged twice on the last drive to keep it alive. Andre Goodman, what the fuck were you thinking? That pass interference on 3rd-and-29 was really helpful.

Rewatching the last drive, Robert Ayers has a clear shot to go after JaMarcus on the fourth-and-10, but after he beats two guys he gets tackled from behind. No one likes to blame the refs, but sometimes you have to point it out. But the refs didn't run all over the Broncos. The Broncos tackling made the Raiders' backs look like they were Chris Troxel (wonder what happened to that kid) and McLovin trying to stop Adrian Peterson in Red Rover (That is a confusing sentence, but I STICK BY IT.)

-Maybe the Refs had lasers in their eyes.

-Knowshown doesn't know how to score at the goalline. Before the Broncos last field goal, all he had to do on the second down run was outrun the Raiders to the Pylon, but he tried to cut up the field too soon. He can't run over people in the pros and he isn't an everydown back. Please try Peyton Hillis or Lamont Jordon instead. Fuck, those option aren't that great either.

-Big, talented, troubled WR. Learn from Chris.

-We lost to this Buzzcock. We don't deserve playoffs.

In the club: Work has been really boring. Only one semi-interesting thing: My boss had to kick out a one-armed man who was punching someone, and all he could think about was how he was going to handcuff him if he had to. A lofty question.

I also got another free night of drinking with my entire work crew. This time I waited until I left the club to black out. Then my boss, trying to show off his impressive Judo skills or something, Karate Kid-style swept my leg, sending me ass over teakettle into a bench. So even if I wasn't blacked out before, I added a concussion and head wound to the equation. Slept like a fucking baby though.


So if this is a little disoriented, it isn't because I was drunk this time, it is just that I now understand how it is to think like Troy Aikman.


CSU Football: On the rise. We just signed a 4-star QB in Pete Thomas. That is ballin' as shit. And he is from ballin' as shit San Diego and going to enroll at CSU for the Spring. I think I should stalk find him to make sure he is up to the CSU QB dranking standard. BVP was plum hammered all the time. Justin Holland has been blacked out every time I have met him, so that explains why he threw the football around with less care as than Kappa at Wash Bar (Last year Holland gave Nasty N one of the three beers he had pilfered from Drunken Monkey before they closed). Billy Farris crashed parties at my house. Eastman is Mormon, he doesn't have the drinking chops. Uncle Nico might be a threat, but I'm not sure I want Guidos leading my team. Borky hangs out with Forristall, so I'm gonna say he is far too dumb to play QB; that kid lowers IQs like no ones business. Get after it, Pete, grab that Keystone Light and lead the Rams to the promised land (which is hopefully a Poinsettia Bowl bid. That would be a nice present for me next Christmas).

CU Football: Trending down. CU's ex-QB James Cox may be the newest employee at my club. Any and all comments about the difference of value between CSU and CU degrees can now be throw out the fucking window. A former football player at a "supposedly" better school should have better connections than I, right? Or maybe our schools are basically even, minus the fact that WE BEAT YOUR ASSES AT EVERYTHING THIS YEAR.


CSU Basketball: Trending up. We kicked the Buffs ass and then snuck by some Big Sky teams. 8-3 is already almost better than last season. They go for win #9 tomorrow at UCLA and I will be in attendance. I might just rush the court if we win, even though UCLA sucks. I'll just pretend we beat Bill Walton, Lew Alcindor and John Wooden.

Fact: CSU actually beat UCLA in 1961, a year UCLA went to the final four and was coached by Wooden. Fact: This shocked the shit out of me.
Fact: Jesse Carr is back, which means classic quotes like this one: (/Dwight Schrute)
"It's not like we're playing pud teams, either. We're getting in good games, and everyone's giving us their best shot."
Only someone from Ainsworth, NE would use the phrase "pud teams." Or someone from Carbondale.

Plus they have a sweet reality TV show. Sadly it is one year late to fully capture the greatness that I would have been. My journalism skills would really have shown up. Plus they had some CSU Media basketball game. That would have been my moment to shine. Miles would have asked me to walk on. This blog would be fucking bigger than Club Trillion. Why was I not born one-year later? Why did I graduate in such rapid fashion? I want to go back to college.Or onto an MTV show.

Tweets of the Week: 
Tjedy: When faced with a tough decision, ask yourself WWTSD: What Would 'The Situation' Do?
Messiahthadon: @tjedy I think the answer to every question is to take your shirt off
The_Real_Pat: @Messiahthadon and coincidentally, that's how @tjedy solves every problem.
-Again, if you don't have Twitter you are doing it wrong.

Not Jay Cutler: Looks like I should cross Brittany Murphy off my "Famous chicks to bang" list.

Nuggets: Trending down. Get your shit together. 1/3 of the season update with Edy will come soon. Or at his pace, we might be lucky to get it done by the fucking all-star game.

Avs: Semi-upwardslopish. As long as they aren't against the fighting Ovies, the Avs are doing pretty well.


Happy Holidays: I didn't get any of you bastards anything. That is a lie. Someday, when I am rich and famous, you will be the people that get to say "I like Sack when he started out, but that Douchezilla really sold out." So I am giving you the most precious gifts of all: Haughtiness and spite. If those were entities, this blog would be gushing like a fucking gyser.

Merry Birdmas, have a super Shawn Greenuka, a lovely Kwanza Kilpatrick, whatever. Give some gifts and whatnot.

Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Week 4

Guess what? Not much is going on in the sports world, so I live Tweeted Jersey Shore. Now I redo it. Lazy? You bet. Entertaining? Duh.

Mind you these Tweters began at 4:00am, after I got off for work. And keep in mind I finish two monster Whiskey-Sprites while playing my drinking game.

My tweets are numbered and in bold, followed by further explanation not in bold, as if that is needed. Enjoy:



1.  Jersey Shore Drinking Time. @greenaaker turn off your texts haha. The Situation is that I am going to get drunk.
-Last week's Tweet of the Week, if I had actually done that Sack-Up, would have been:
GreenAaker:

Waking up16 times by drunken tweets about #Jerseyshore between the hrs of 3a.m.-6a.m. = Im officially unsubscribing via SMS 2 @messiahthadon
Sorry Benjamin, but at least I warned you this time.


2.  Ron-Ron keeps talking about "The Equation" with Sam. Don't lie Ronny, you can't do math.
-Ronnie's laugh is seriously the dumbest, non-retarded laugh I have ever heard. Brennan, the retard my roomate once punched, laughed more intelligently.


3. J-Woww needs to break it off. Worst two minutes of this show ever. I'm not watching these people for relationships.
-Ugghhhh. Drag. It. Out. A. Little more MTV.
Shit, I couldn't even handle typing it that slow. Let J-Woww get single already. We don't need to wait four episodes for her to get gangbanged. I know it will happen eventually. Pauly D will make her Miss D eventually.


4. "Sex is natural...yada yada" Sam's description. Ron-Ron: "Yeah, we smushed." Succinct, Ronald. Nice.
-Hard to capture this in 140 characters, but nothing illistrates the differences between men and women more than this. Sam goes on for quite a while describing what happens, then they cut to Ron and he sums it up in three words. Ronnie, a journalists dream.


5. Thank God for Sit and Pauly D, at least they have fun.
-You know, and try for unprotected sex. What kind of asshole joins an MTV show with a significant other. Has this ever worked?


6. Snoooookkkkkkerrrrrss gone get done up, y'all. I have a boner. Can't fast forward commercial break fast enough. 
-MTV really played this up well. I was more premature than Jason Biggs in anticipation for this Sucker Punch Heard Round the Shore.


7. Another commercial break...Fuck it, pausing it so I can watch the punch online....Whammy.


8. http://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/index.ssf/2009/12/mtv_jersey_shore_snooki_punch.html Snookered.
-But, like real life, I just found a video online to satisfy my craving.


9. Oh man, her hat just goes flying. 
-It is like a snuff film. I assume. Never watched one. But if there was a Snookers snuff film, I would probably download it.


10. Another commerical break = more watching snookie get punched.

11. Russ/Ron...Shit, I'm surprised Snookie was that close.
-There is a friends episode with a Russ/Ross story line. I may be gay for comparing this.

12. Vinnie is the Ronaldo Balkman of this show. What role does he play? The man is funny, get him some airtime.
-Oh, I finally relate this to sports. About got damn time.

13. Snookers is so pissed she hasn't gotten pounded yet by a dude. Time for the Universe to teach her what Irony is...
-I really wish her mother would have been next to her when she got snapped on. I was fully expecting this. WHAT A FUCKING LETDOWN, MTV.

14. That guy was a (gym) teacher, so maybe he was trying to teach her. In the old "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes" way.
-The joke is that you tell a woman with two black eyes "Nothing. Because you already told her twice." Fucking character limit.

15. I am so calling Brad Lidge "The Situation" next time I'm at a Phillies game.
-hahaha. Yeah jacko2323 said, "When it comes to "closers" nobody is ever going to compare "The Situation" to Mariano Rivera." first, but he also watched it first. I would have come up with this joke as well, it is easy.

16. Jose Mesa actually translates in "La Situation" in Spanish.
-See, I just topped it.

17. J-Woww dancing with "Some toolbag with a blowout." Really narrows it down there. "You see any..." "Only when I open my eyes" /Harold&Kumar'd
-Does J-Woww's boyfriend spell his name Taaaammmm. Because he should. Or maybe Ta-M. Taw-Emmm. He can't be just Tom.

18.I love how even Guidos hate frat guys....@valerie_jb kinda said it first. Greek Life really has a tough PR job. Maybe I should apply there.
-Seriously, being in PR for the KKK is easier than trying to stick up for a frat these days.

19. MTV would pull the actual punch yet make the whole thing a two part episode.
-But you know what this means? More Snooookies fun next week. Holla.

The Weekend Sack-Up: Things that make you say HMMMMM?

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The Weekend Sack-Up: This keeps getting better and better...

(No pictures, I am too damn pissed to do that much work)

Am I trapped in a movie? A stupid, slackstick comedy, where I am in the Belly of the Whale stage (Sophomore Core ftw) and I ponder aloud "Could this get any worse?" only to have a piano fall and crush my car or some shit. Because it sure feels like it. It seems like yesterday CSU was killin' it, the Broncos were the tits, the Avs were cherry, the Rocks were epic and the Nuggs were mint (80s slang factor +1). Now, everything smells like taint and I don't want to look. The Nuggets only look good, but even they lost to the shitty LA team. What the fuck?

It is very nice that it is Thanksgiving and I will be with family all week (in lovely Sedona, Arizona) or else it might be wise for one of my readers to alert some mental health experts to check on me (Sedona is actually my aliby, as I will be hunting down both starting quarterbacks in today's game. SHHHH. I've got Marmalard in my sights, he is taunting a child whose balloon popped).  Seriously, shit is falling apart. I don't like it. We will go from worst to somewhat marginal as I grasp for silver linings:

CSU: CSU is so bad we aren't even inventing new ways to lose, we are being lazy and making knockoffs of 2006/07. This weekend's game against New Mexico was a carbon copy of the 2007 loss to New Mexico. Is there hope against Wyoming? I guess, but this Rams team just refuses to win. There are some bright spots for next season, as several young players made some big plays, but if CSU can't find a quarterback by next season it won't matter. Steve Fairchild and this team have gone from the Penthouse to the outhouse in just 8 games, and he better figure some shit out this offseason or he may not make it to year 4. I have been disapointed to be a CSU fan often, it goes with the territory, but this loss makes me embarrased.

Usually I have laid the blame on the fact that CSU was out-manned, but in this game the coaching staff didn't help at all. The staff didn't take a timeout with about 45 seconds left as New Mexico was obviously trying to set up for a field goal, allowing them to run the clock down to 15 seconds. Why not take the timeouts? We ran out of time in that game with one timeout in our pocket. At least it would have made New Mexico run another play, and as we saw against Weber State, sometimes one play can make a huge difference. I advocated a change from Sonny because too often his staff fucked up games like this, and last season this staff was aggressive and found ways to win. This season the team has regressed to the exact same place as 2007. I now wonder if we would have been in a better place by just keeping Sonny and skipping all the drama. This sucks.

The worst was the fact that the Rams could have stolen a win twice, when New Mexico muffed the CSU punt, only to have the lone Lobo in the area steal the ball from about six Rams and when CSU gave up the easiest 4th-and-3 ever on the final drive. Besides Sisson, Oppeneer and sometimes Elijah Blu-Smith, it seems no Rams defenders have the ability to make a big play. Weak. Jon Mosure's fumble was also terribily costly.


Broncos: The only reason this isn't the worst is that this game was fucked up from the start. It was just one of those games where everything that could go wrong, did.

-The Broncos had to start a back-up QB, when our starter isn't even that good.

-That back-up fumbled on his first drop back, killing all our early momentum.

-I am convinced that Knowshon scored before that fumble. He hit the gaurd's knee with the ball, and the guard's knee was in the end zone/on the goal line. Why the NFL doesn't have camera's on both goallines? I have asked this before and I will until it happens. The league makes billions and can't figure this out. This play was so crucial, and yet I saw two angles of it, none which made it very clear.

-Prior to the Broncos lone points, on third down Eddie Royal was held in his route and Merriman dove at an injured Kyle Orton's legs. That should have been two penalties, instead none were called. The Chargers only had one penalty called on them all game (two were nullified by calls on the Broncos as well), while the Broncos had 9. An entire NFL game and only three violations? Dubious, if you ask me.

-The Broncos didn't seem to bring much pressure and I have no clue why. Are we that scared of Phillip River's deep lobs that we won't rush. It was the key to the game last time and we sat back and let him pick us apart.

-The onside kick was baller, minus the Broncos failing to jump on the football. McD realized that it was now or never for the Broncos to grab some momentum and he risked it all. It failed, but I liked the gamble. I would rather get stomped 32-3 and have pulled everything out of the bag than to lose like 20-3 by taking the conventional NFL Head Coach route of deficit moderation.

-I'm really glad I'm not working this week or else I might stab my boss.

In da club: It was a very busy week, but nothing matched last week in the wierd category. Craziest thing was when some girl rubbed/grabbed the butt of one of our Gogo dancers (who may be dating Owen Wilson, if rumors are to be trusted). I usually am cool with girl-on-girl action, but everyone knows you don't touch the dancers. Sadly I was unable to break my choke-hold virginity on a girl, but I did have to escort her out.

Thursday I went into work and was told to post up six feet from a pole with three award winning pole dancers taking turns for about an hour-and-a-half. It really is a tough job. In order not to stare at them I also placed myself so that I could see them in the reflection of a mirror, thus I looked like I was scanning the crowd while I just kept watching. Sometimes I am smart.

Avalanche: Taking a page out of the CSU playbook by blowing leads late in the game. Not good. I want a reason to be able to watch hockey in March and April (or at least complain to Direct TV that I don't have VS). Please get your shit figured out.

-Matty Duchene is starting to score on the reg (/Kenny Powers). This makes me so happy. The kid is fucking awesome and he will be a star sooner rather than later.

Tweet of the week: (follow MessiahThaDon)  A tie this week between QBs traded for each other:

KingNeckbeard: Coach says i'm too drunk to start... What a flaming pile of horseshit! I only got this drunk so my ankle wouldn't hurt fuckface!
NotJayCutler : Watching Chris Simms throw is like watching Mozart paint.


Nuggets: The fucking Clippers? Without the Black Ginger. Fuck me. At least you righted your shit and beat those bitch ass Bulls.

-JR is blowing kisses to the crowd and that makes me happy.

-Birdman may be getting back to decent. I thought we were gonna have to start dolling out the coke to get him all excited again.

Rockies: Guess who is not on the 40-man roster? Yorvit. YEEEEESSSSSS. Sign that motherfucker next September, but until then keep his .200 average and spaghetti arm out of Coors.

Coming up this week:  To counteract all this negativity, I will fill a post of many of the people, websites and videos that make me love sports. Ya know, it is Thanksgiving week. Then a Pregaming edition for Wyoming, which will involve me trying to recount my Border War blackout last year.

Why I can't sleep at night: Random thoughts not really about sports

I get a lot of jokes made/questions asked about my nocturnal patterns (Leonard has dubbed me a vampire). People don't really get why I will stay up past the sunrise doing nonsense instead of dropping off to sleep like a normal person. Obviously my hours bouncing throw me off, but even before I always stayed up way too late, even if I had a dreaded morning class or work in the AM.

Partly it is my biological clock, but mostly it is the fact that I can't shut my brain down at night to fall asleep. Insomnia is kind of a bitch, but to put it in perspective here is a list of things I remember consciously thinking about two nights (mornings?) ago before I could fall asleep (this is just a partial list). Keep in mind I was dead sober for this, so imagine what thoughts run through my head when on any mind-expanding drug, and you can see why I avoid them:

-I start by thinking about Mad Men, which I just watched, and if I would be a cheating asshole like Don Draper, especially if I had that much random ass thrown at me.

-I start panicking about how I am wasting my life by working as a bouncer and staying up so late. I wonder if I would ever find a job I truly enjoy that actually pays. One that isn't NFL wide receiver, which I appear to have missed.

-I start thinking about my plans for the next day, what I have to do, what I want to get done. I get frustrated that every minute without falling asleep means another minute wasted the next day, but I know I can't rush the process.

-I realize I am only 24 and I have six years until I am 30 and really have to make something of myself. I look at how much I have changed in the last six years and realize I have a lot of growth ahead. I laugh at how stupid and awkward I used to be, especially since I am still awkward and stupid.

-I hear my roommate get up for work and I wonder if I could physically do labor at this time in the morning, day after day.

-I think about religion, and what my beliefs were. I thought so long about this I was able to basically come up with a new mission statement: "With all the horrible things carried out in the name of organized religion I find it impossible to follow one and I feel that any sort of rational God would see the enlightenment of a person choosing to live by their own personal moral compass rather than any religion created and moderated by anyone else."

-I begin thinking about death, and what it means and what will happen. I have been asking this question as long as I can remember, fearing the unknown. I literally have to force myself to think about something else or I become enveloped in fear.

-I start thinking about why the Broncos are playing like shit. I get angry at Chrissy Simms (Sports is my escape).

-I decide that I will mock the Chargers fans at work this week, as I can't go into this weekend's game lying down.

-I try to focus on nothing. I clear my mind completely. I see dark holes that come and swallow me up. I cannot physically move, when I try, but I am still somehow awake, aware that I am awake and not sleeping. My eyes twitch involuntarily and my body seems disconnected, yet I still am not asleep.

-A dog barks and I blink, shocking myself back into actual thoughts and anger that I am awake. I wonder if I will ever get to sleep. I imagine the possibility of never sleeping again and I roll over, readjusting my pillows.

-I wonder what is real and if I am maybe always asleep. I realize this is just stupid.

-I try to think about how upset I feel in the morning, as soon as my alarm goes, and I try to recapture that sleepy feeling that makes me hit the snooze button 6 times.

-A few minutes later, I believe, I actually fall asleep. I don't remember what I was thinking about then.

The moral of the story is that no one should wonder anymore why I spend so much time jotting down thoughts on my blog or doing stupid shit til all hours of the morning. I have to clear my mind and really feel dead tired to fall asleep in less than 30 minutes. Any thought unexplored that pops up or that I feel is important I have to sort out, or else it will drive me mad all night. Especially any guilt, fear or nervousness. I could drink until I pass out or take some sleeping medication but I refuse to do so on a consistent basis.

Entering my mind is kind of scary, right?

Weekend Sack-Up: This losing shit sucks, let's do more of the winning thing

Christy Simms sucks my balls: Good lord, son, that was the worst interception ever. Even worse than Jake Plummer's left-handed shot put. That was Plummer's non-throwing hand, but you are actually left-handed. Fuck you and your absolutely awful announcer of a dad.

It looked like you fucking punted that ball, not kicked it. It would have been awesome if you were playing 500 in the schoolyard and called "Surprise Package," but unfortunatley it was a real life NFL game. If you even got that within a zip code of B-Marsh he would He-Man woman-beat anyone around to negate an interception.

We fired Mike Shannahan and then signed a back-up QB with an ankle tat of Shannahan's son. Maybe this was some sort of revenge? No one could throw such a shitty pass on accident. If you play against the Chargers I hope Merriman rapes you so hard that lose a kidney and liver. You don't have a spleen, pussy, but I didn't know you were also the tin man and the scarecrow. No heart, no brain. 100% FUCKKNUCKLE. Now we are tied with Los Chargeros and I might have to choke a bitch.

The Rest of the Broncos: You just lost to Washington. The Redskins, not the Capitals. Get your shit together. 6-0 doesn't mean shit if you don't win four more games the rest of the way. You are now tied atop the division with San Diego. You haven't won a game in a fucking month.

Champ looks like fucking Dre Bly lately, letting Hines Ward jump arr over roo and then whiffing on a huge tackle on third down during the comeback drive.


B-Dawk also got run over by Betts on the goalline. I understand you were on the field for the whole second half because retard Simms couldn't find his ass with Google Maps, but you still gotta make that play. You are Mr. Defense, all that whoofing and crazy talking to the football shit, you have to tackle guys at the goal line. Send a message. Instead, we saw you get run over like some roadkill.

Gotta be a Chargers fan in disguise.(HT- KSK)

McD. You got outcoached by Jim Zorn, and the assortment of random guys in charge of the Redskins since Danny Snyder took away Zornies offensive playcalling keys. That is not good. The Orton-injury is pretty big, because he was Ballin,' but why wouldn't we stick to the run when it became apparent Lefty Simms was channeling another erratic lefty, Phil Mickelson.

The defensive line folded like a cheap table late yet again. It is apparent this team is only built to play in the lead and can't handle a second half deficit. Not good. We got pretty lucky to start of 6-0 and now it evening out. It can all be remedied with a victory next weekend though. Beat some Charger ass and I will be happy again.

Special teams. I hate you. Mitch Fucking Berger sucks. And he is from CU. So he doubly sucks. Cut him now, please. An about 30 Broncos were expecting a fake punt, but not one of them could cover Mike Sellers. How fucking retarded are you guys?

Random Celeb Note: I still love Rihanna and have been rocking all her new songs, but I'm afraid she might be a bit resistant to rough sex nowadays, for some reason? That could be an issue for me and really doom our relationship. I think January Jones Betty Draper will have to be my new go to celeb wife. Bangable? You bet. A tad bit crazy? For sure. I would be faithful to you, Miss Draper.


CSU football didn't lose: We also didn't play. But the important thing is we didn't lose. I also notice, that dating back to my last blog I had two years ago, CSU hasn't won many games for me. These assholes better beat New Mexico. Beat them like Mike "Tom Cable, Jr." Locksley beats his assistants. End this stupid losing streak and then ruin Wyoming's chance at a bowl. This season may be disapointing, but it can end on a high note. Make this happen. Don't go out like bitches.

Kory Sperry scored a TD this weekend for the Dolphins. He is one big, MEASTLY looking motherfucker. Good for him. Plus he has tattoos.

(HT: Sun Sentinel)

Greg Camarillo really kinda horned in on Sperry's trademarked chest-pounding after a TD.

The Avs are also returning to Earth: Another Colorado team with a fantastic start and then they begin to fade as the season progresses. Heard this story before? I have. It is like one of those weekends when they play Cast Away all weekend, non-stop. I just sit there watching it, hoping the whole time that Tom Hanks comes home to a hotter wife than Helen Cunt and doesn't lose Wilson. Never happens, but two hours later I find myself watching again.

It is a long season and the Avs have a lot of guys coming back, so hopefully they get back on the grind. Matt Duchene will break out soon, along with Son of Statsny, so they could carry the Avs for a bit.

 The Avs also got new jerseys, and boy are they, uh, nice. Santa, no need to stuff one of these down my fake chimney this year. Plus it will be kind of toxic in there, as I plan on burning my Jay Cuntler jizz rag jersey this year.

Speaking of Cunty, ole Boy:

Just missed that jersey number, didn't ya?

The more picks you toss, the higher the Broncos draft pick will be. 

AJ and Big Teej will now go light themselves on fire.

 

At least the Nuggets offer hope: Beating some Laker ass. #DatswhatI'mtalking bout. I would like a Ty Lawson poster as well DJ Mbenga, but I wouldn't want to be in it. Fix your face.



How is your publicist gonna spin that, DoucheJina Mbenga (Pretty sure that's what DJ stands for. And yes, according to Simmons Mbenga does have a publicist).

On a 1-Awesome scale, the Nuggs are as awesome as this Halloween costume. Den Dollock ain't got shit on this baby.

Stories from the club: Two good ones from this week. 1) After the night ended, these two semi-ghetto white trash feaux-gangsters who had been asked to stop flashing "gang" signs earlier, started shit with a group that was mostly girls. I don't know why it started, but it was going on after the club closed, out on the sidewalk, so we had to break it up. One of the tough guys, wearing a hat that repped East County (like repping Rifle or Pueblo, something no one should be proud of) started screaming at these girls that they were ugly and he wouldn't fuck any of them. He was bragging that he was being picked up in a town car, while they were waiting for a taxi. Big time for sure, but as he walked to the towncar screaming, he looked back to laugh and ran head first into a steetpole, loud enough for me to hear the audible "Dong" about 15 feet away. Still didn't shut him up, but it did give everyone a good laugh.

2) After the club closed Sat. some girl came up asking to go to the bathroom. I guess she wasn't hot enough or was a bitch (or maybe he was actually doing his job), but my boy Hank told her she couldn't come in. In anger, protest and just general need, she then decided to pull up her skirt and squat, right in front of the club exit. Her friend held up a shall or jacket to give her a little cover, but probably at least 20 people saw her piss like a gusher all outside the club (No R. Kelly). The only reason everyone on the block wasn't watching her was due to the fact that another girl had gotten a DUI for driving the wrong way down the one way street. Man do I love drunk people.

Tweet of the Week: (Follow me, if you wish) VeryFakeAlDavis

"Thank god the Twitter is around to help journalists compare Jay Cutler to Jeff George in real time."

On a related note, the great Drew Magary tells me why I love Twitter: Because black people think it is cool. I should have guessed that. A little know fact is that Chad Ochocinco represents 15%  (UnoCinco percento) of both Hispanics and blacks. 


Random CSU thoughts from Vegas, On why the good turnout, for a game so far from home with shitty teams: CSU fans will show up in mass to two games, against CU and in Las Vegas. Why? Because both of those games offer an awesome chance to party before and after. Hughes, while a blast to tailgate with the right people, doesn't offer that same expirience. When the football team loses a home game it tends to dampen, if not ruin completely, the enthusiam for the postgame party. After the CU/CSU game in Denver and the games in Vegas everyone still wants to get drunk anyway. CSU, and the city of Fort Collins, needs to create some sort of avenue to attract fans to the game. Drink specials at bars or resuraunts with a ticket stub, even a student stub. Concerts (even shitty ones like Common). Closing down the streets in Old Town for a night ala Brew Fest. Get better at football (hopefully on the way, but tough to see). Bring back College Daze (unless I somehow get elected President, never gonna happen).

Or simply, schedule a few more marquee opponents and play them in Denver. Who cares if we catch some ass whoopings? The fans will turn out for a big name opponent and we can start to turn Denver into a CSU town. The more they see CSU in Denver, the more likely grads will want to get a chance to return to Fort Collins. Market the games as a chance to reconnect with all your friends. Set up a system to make dorm hallway, frat, ASAP, or whatever group want to reconnect. Oh wait, there is this thing called Facebook that makes that pretty easy. Well, then start aggressively promoting such ideas. People want to stay connected if they feel they are missing out. So have events, have some interns take pictures and throw them up online. Better than creating Ram Town to attract transplant Foco residents who will be busy taking their runts to soccer practice anyway. Those type of people will attach themselves to the program when the team is good. They are called bandwagon fans, and all the marketing in the world won't work. You have to win to have them, and we certainly aren't doing enough of that.

An up and down weekend (with LOL-pictures)...and Ryan Howard has a giant pig nose

My personal happiness probably revolves too much around the success, or lack thereof, of the sports teams that I follow. Case in point, this weekend:

After spending about a month unemployed, in the course of the past few days I have been hired at not one, but two jobs. I started one of them and realized that it was maybe the easiest job ever, and my second job will be as a bouncer at a popular Gaslamp club, which should help me meet a ton of new people in San Diego, something I desperately need to do. I also connected with some fellow Bonedalians who have relocated to SD, watched the Broncos game with a great group of people and ate lobster for the first time in my life.

Yet with all those awesome experiences this weekend, as the clock strikes midnight I am sitting alone at my computer pissed off that the Rockies lack of control on the mound, and the umpires lack of vision, cost them a game. Add in the fact I earlier watched highlights lowlights of the most recent CSU choke job, and I am much more upset than I have any right to be.

Fuck it, here are my most pressing/random thoughts about each of this weekend's games:


CSU vs. Utah: 
-I didn't get to watch this live, as I was "working" facilities in Lemon Grove, which consisted of me reading a book while my crazy VatoLoco coworker slept on a nearby couch. I did get Twitter updates all game long (+1 to Twitter, -1 to me for not having an I-Phone or laptop), and from those I put all blame on Grant Stucker. Actually I have no real idea, but he obviously flamed out down the stretch for CSU. The consensus seems to be that Grant is less to blame than the coaching staff for abandoning the run, but it still seems weird that we have yet to see Mr. Jon Eastman make an appearance. I think that changes vs. TCU unless CSU can somehow keep it close.

-While I love drinking myself warm (and good-looking), I was not too upset to be stuck in lovely SD with the ability to go for a nice run outside. Props though to the 30,000+ that braved the weather to support CSU. Good to see Hughes Stadium looking more and more packed

-If someone had told me that CSU would be 3-3 after six games in the preseason, I would have jumped on that shit like Tulo on a neck high fastball. We will likely be 3-4 after TCU, disapointing after a 3-0 start, but every remaining game is certainly winnable. A reappearance in a bowl was the goal for the season, so it is not time to jump off the bandwagon.

-We need Momo to play with a chip on his shoulder like Nick Opp does. Kid is nails.

-I blame this loss solely on Trevor Edy (or Tjedy, as he goes by on Twitter) for calling me asking "Can you believe this?" after the Rams took a 17-3 lead. Before I could even answer the phone CSU had given up a score and thrown a pick. DAMN YOU, EDDDYYYYY!!!! (Falls to knees, raises fist to the heavens and shakes it)

Broncos vs. Pats: (I.E. Welcome to the picture portion of the blog-ram)

-So this Neckbeard character is pretty good, huh:

-Brandon Marshall is pretty fucking Boss:

-I kept thinking I was cheering for the pissy and poopy Cowpokes.

To summerize:

(So I stole this idea and the second pic from Kissing Suzy Kolber, holler)

Rocks vs. Phillies:
-Yorvitt and Clint will be the death of me. Quickly, 5 things that could have done more damage to the Rockies today than their bagles at the plate:
1) AIDS.
2) Matt Holliday playing every defensive position.
3) Two drunk monkeys dressed in purple.
4) Sarah Palin
5) The Umps

-Yes, let's give a big shout-out to the umpires who all watched Chase Utley foul a ball off his shin, then get thrown out at first and still decided to award him first base. No it doesn't excuse Jason Giambi and Tulowitzki from popping up in with the tying run on second, but I would still be watching baseball otherwise.

-The Rockies inability to throw strikes was a big deal as well, but guess who decides what the strike zone is? It is those highly reliable and on-the-ball guys I just bitched about above.

-Did you know that Coors Field has a big outfield and that it was cold. I didn't, so thanks TBS douchebags for reminding me every six seconds.

-We end with a picture, that sums up why I still love this Rockies team, and Rockies fans at Purple Row:

(I stole this from PurpleRow)


-URGENT LAST MINUTE EDIT: It has come to my attention, via sources from Eagle-Vail, that Ryan Howard has a gigantic pig nose.