There are a ton of reasons why, and here are my favorites:
Tom Cable: What an epic douche. Plus he used to coach at CU. And was once a hobo coach.
Cable was homeless. He had no car. He had little meal money. Twenty
year's later, nothing from his early resume suggests he could become the
head coach of the Oakland Raiders.
"That was about rock bottom," Cable said. "I didn't have a thing to my
name. I was broke as can be. I'm telling you, that was tough. Tough,
tough times."
year's later, nothing from his early resume suggests he could become the
head coach of the Oakland Raiders.
"That was about rock bottom," Cable said. "I didn't have a thing to my
name. I was broke as can be. I'm telling you, that was tough. Tough,
tough times."
So, all-in-all, the perfect resume bulletpoints to impress Al Davis.
Ice Cube: Did we not learn from the '85 Bears that songs about a team are fucking stupid? Well, Mr. Are We There Yet decided to recently release this ditty (diddy?). Brilliant. If you were going for that bak-alley-abortion-for-the-ears music? This is probably the only flow recently worse than Jay-Z's on 'Young Forever,' so I guess it has that going for it.
Al Davis: This one is too easy, but really:
Silver and Black: Some family once named their child "Silver Anne Black." While creative, I am afraid that she already has a spot in the Bike Gang Whore Hall of Fame.
"Go Raiders": Unfortunately in 2007 Oakland lost their biggest fan Robert Charles Cormer passed away from natural causes, but before passing his last words were "Go Raiders."
"Wait," you might say, "doesn't the article say that he was put to death for killing and murdering people."
Yes he was, and I find that to be a perfectly natural death for a Raider fan (ZING-ZADANG).
Matt Holliday: Yes, I know that is a different sport, and I love Cargo, Huson and the thought that Greg Smith could be decent, and I know that our team is fine without him, but I will forever hold Oakland responsible for taking away my big ole Paul Bunyan who ripped the hearts out of the Padres in 2007 by not touching home plate.
And Finally, A List of Things: That will take longer than a JaMarcus Russell highlights.
"A List of Things" is a little recurring feature on this blog. It will be full of snarky and snide comments mocking someone or something. There is a 100% chance that Darren Sproles, Clint Barmes and Dan Hawkins will make appearances at some point in the future.
Some asshole from NFL.com, at the conclusion of the Raiders games, put together a highlight for J-Mark-Us that features "Big Fat QB" completing four passes. I am actually convinced they might be all four passes he completed all day.
You could watch the video in less time than it would take:
...Usain Bolt to run 100-meters.
...A virgin Star Wars fan to finish banging Megan Fox while she rocks Princess Leia buns.
...Shaq to get eliminated during a spelling bee.
...Me to compile a list of Soulja Boi Tell 'Em's greatest hits.
...Harry Carey to pronounce Pete Kontodiakos' last name.
...Dexter Fowler to go first-to-third on a Todd Helton opposite field single.
...To read this sentence.
...Al Davis to chug a cup of assistant coach Blood.
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