So you really want to ask me how the weekend went? Here is how well it went: I spent almost $200 on alcohol and actually worked Friday night. I don't know how many different times one can black out in a 36 hour span, but these football games made me do it at an alarming rate.
And if anyone has seen my car, please send it back to me, but not before removing the CSU sticker and Colorado license plates, as they are painful reminders of this sports-rape that I would like to repress.
Further self-schadenfruede below:
CSU:
The good news:
-Utah is good.
-I met our recently injured long snappers parents and they were delightful.
-The beer at Kristy's was plentiful.
-Some of the other games on other TVs were entertaining.
The bad news:
-When we play a good team, we are very terrible (I know that isn't proper grammar, I don't care).
-Our defense is slower than I am at 7:30am following a bender.
-The owner of Kristy's actually says things like "I just wish CSU could score a touchdown to make those guys feel better."
-Our offense.
-Our defense.
-Our special teams.
-Our coaches.
-Whoever runs our CSUfootball twitter feed and tries to be positive. Face it, we suck and you can't spin it any other way.
-That onside kick. Why does every team try to run trick plays against us. Newsflash: You don't need them, we aren't going to stop you anyway.
Broncos:
The only enjoyment I had out of this contest was the company of my buddy Chad, who, having just seen his Saints lose to the Browns, was game enough to sit by me all day as I stared incredulously at the TV wondering when DirecTV would stop showing the alternate reality football game and start showing the real one. This game was so cruel in the fact that the Broncos actually gave a slight jerk of life and gave me hope of an epic comeback, only to let Jason Campbell convert 3rd & longs and Run-DMC to run untouched for TDs.
The other fun factors were watching the Chargers lose and having my freshly-made Big Black Woman friend T.J. (short for Tanya Jawana Letisha [last name I can't remember] {and if you think I'm being racist here, I am, but wayyyyy less than you think, she really has three first names that rhyme and starts stories with "I'm not a violent person, but he almost made me beat him with the bat that I keep in my car..."}) yell at anyone who dared mock my terrible Broncos. See, even when the Broncos are terrible, rocking a John Elway jersey from 4th grade and matching old-school Broncos socks will lead to new friends.
There is no loss in which I won't find a silver lining, even if it is just the gleam from the Coors Light silver bullet I just shotgunned to make me forget.
Avs: Oh, you hosers lost too, to the faggoty Kings, in one of the four games a year I get to watch on the Pacific Coast feed. Thanks.
Nuggets: Put up like a Buck-Twenty on the Suns sans Melo, Kenyon and Billups. Or, as I would like to call, the 2011 Denver Nuggets lineup after we shitcan all three of them (C-Bill being the unfortunate bystander shipped out because why would he want to play for such a terrible team).
P.S. Highly optimistic* NBA preview coming Tuesday and Nuggets preview coming Wednesday.
*May contain massive amounts of sarcasm.
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