We last saw our favorite drunken-semigods as Mike and Angelina were arguing about cleaning or something. Then she hauled off and tried to punch him. Stupid move, Angie, his head is way too big to be damaged by a punch.
-God this episode is boring early. Mike yelling at Angie, her yelling at Mike, me not giving a shit. Just go the fuck home, Angie.
-"Bringing random guys home, girls don't do that. Guys do that." -Pauly D. If there weren't worthless whores like Angelina how would guys like Pauly get laid? It's the chicken and the egg theory of Jersey Shore.
-Apparently you become a true member of the house when you try to punch Mike, at least according to J-Woww. Then Mike calls himself the leader of the house and compares himself to a third-world dictator. I really can't wait until that season of Jersey Shore, in Situationstan.
-T-SHIIIIRRRRTTTT TIIIIMMMMEEEE. Who wants to go in on me in a certified "T-Shirt Time" remix? Which rapper does it first? I bet Joe Budden makes a reference soon, some bum ass Southern rapper is the first to make a full song.
-New Samantha is a "model" from "Canada." Okay. She also calls some other whore "a nobody" at the club. Pot, meet kettle. Whores, meet slut.
-"She showed the Situation what she was all aboot." -Vinny. Too easy.
-When exactly should Angelina have asked to use Mike's bed, while he was having awkward, loud sex with Canadian Bacon? I think that would have been more rude.
P.S. Can we make sure to get this Jose fellow at the after show? I want to see him get fucking crushed as they show him video of Angie banging Vinny. I imagine he will have the same look on his face as Yankees fans watching the Red Sox win in 2007.
-"OHHHH YAAAHHHH! WAKE UP, YAHHH!!" I want a Pauly D alarm clock.
-Two of the notes on Snooks list are "Person like me" and "Someone who doesn't cheat." That is the definition of mutually exclusive.
-Only Angelina can turn a dinner invite into an arguement. "For myself, I'm gonna figure out what I want to do, then I'm going to do that." It was a yes or no question.
-That was a cute cyber-bullying ad. Guess what? If you try to kill yourself because of what someone writes about you on-line, you were going to do it anyway. The internet just speeds up the process, so we all win.
-"My v-neck is so fresh that it skipped t-shirt time. It defied the rules of t-shirt time." -Vinny.
-Angelina decides to leave at like 4:30 am, but thankfully decides to confront everyone before she bails. Snooki decides that if she can't find a juicehead, she will just steal one of Angie's old flames. Gasoline, meet fire.
-To preview the fight, we turn to Ronaldo.
"Standing in one corner, 4'9" with a 2-inch poof, Snooki. In the other corner, weighing in at 322 lbs, the Staten Island Dump."-"It's like beating up a baby." -Ron, on how easy it is for Angelina to smack around Snookster. Ronny is on fire, saying maybe the two funniest things he has uttered in over 200 hours of TV time in the final minute of this episode.
-What a good smackdown. Snooki gets in some good shots, Angie dominates with a few solid takedowns. Then they go round two. Sadly Snooks doesn't actually go through with the effort to throw the vase of shells at Angelina, but I gotta give her props for creativity.
In the end, Angie gets the W. At least Snooki didn't get knocked the fuck out this time.
Aside: Why can they show this whole fight, but they bitched out of showing the Snooker film? It makes no sense. Kinda like how Tosh.0 had to swear retard one time, but CBS can show people getting shot non-stop. America is fucking stupid.
Next week: We recycle old plotlines with Sit. stealing Vinny's girl. Hopefully Vinny fucking shanks him. Snooki opens up about the list. That fucking list, again.
Only a couple 'sodes left and so many questions to answer. Will Ronnie kill anyone? Will Sammy ever realize how badly she was played? Will anyone double-team anyone? Will we ever see a black person on this show? Will Snooki find a giant, tiny-dicked man who enjoys bedazzled t-shirts? Will Vince's career be ruined by drug use? (Ooops wrong show).
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