We last saw Mike being a giant, coked out d-bag. He even slapped Snookers. Oh for shame. Vinny was getting his love groove on and no one else was really doing much of anything.
In important off the show news, South Park did a wonderful parody of the Jer-Z peoples and J-Woww makes her pro-wrestling debut this weekend, raising the ages old question, which is more scripted, rasslin' or reality TV.
-We start with Mikey all bitchy, making everyone leave the club because Vinny's girl turned him down. He apologizes the next morning, while Vinny gets to smush. Good for Vinsanity. I'm glad your dreamgirl is a whore who dances in a trendy, douchy nightclub. So is mine.
Mike apologizes to Snooki by dry humping her.
-"Awww, Vinny, you're in love?" asks Sammy. "Naw, I don't believe in that." -Vin, with the pimp line of the year, even if it is a dirty lie.
-"He is like my big brother. I trust him. But you usually don't have sex with your big brother." -Snooki, on Vinny.
No you don't, but I'm sure, based on Snooki's looks and intelligence, inbreading is not a new phenomena in her family. Just saying.
-"Junk." -J-Woww. "What? I am drunk, I don't give a fuck." -Snooki. She is so distraught about the loss of Ryder, until...
"Snooki SMUSH-SMUSH?"
Yeah, great plan by J-oww to distract her with cock. That always works.
-"This girl looks like a fucking whore." -Snooki, on J-Woww's super hookery outfit that would make trashy hookers blush.
Then J-Woww asks Snooki's opinion. Snickers responds, "You look amazing." Lying ass bitches.
As well, Snooki calling anyone a whore breaks the hypocrite scale.
-"If you got the fattest gear, and no one can come into your atmosphere, then you're part of t-shirt time, until we yell 'Cab's here.'" -Vinny. I tell, there will most certainly be a "T-Shirt Time" song within the next 3 months.
-"It is 3:15, we just got here, and somebody pissed on my parade already." -Ron. God I need to party in Miami and Vegas some more. Places that don't close are so titty. Also, I am deeply saddened that Ronnie didn't get involved in the aggro-ness. He hasn't layed out one person all year. WEAK!
-"You should've found an easier girl." -Random slutty whore. "I know, I should have." -Situation.
Look, I don't mean to make a joke out of rape, but in this case I think it almost should have be allowed. I mean, if you leave a club at 3:30 am with guys, go back to their house, wearing tiny dresses and get into BED WITH THEM, you are asking to be fucked. Every action you have made has said you want to have sex, you shouldn't be able to back out at the last instant. It is like planning a terrorist attack, buying all the chemicals, picking out a target, getting to the building you want to blow up, then getting arrested and then saying, "No, I wasn't actually gonna go through." No one would believe your ass and you would still get charged as a terrorist, but when it comes to sex everyone is like, "Yeah, that girl really didn't want it." Bullshit.
-"I need someone to take one for the team, jump on the grenade, even difuse a bomb if necessary. You know, it is a war out there." -Pauly D.
-"Pauly and Vinny were both there all wifey'd up." -Sammy, with her first quotable. EVER. Fucking whore.
-"Snooki want SMUSH_SMUSH Firemen." Of course even the most noble gesture by Mike causes fucking chaos.
-"I'm exotic." Says desperate for attention Sam. "You look Asian. I like it." -Ron.
Somehow this sparks their 10,000,000,000th break up. Can he just kill her, please?
-Like we really needed a chalkboard breakdown to figure out that these people's sex lives are more tangled than 10 Ipod buds run through a washing machine. You are all whorey whores.
-"Two blondes from Canadia." -Mike.
-Yet again, why the fuck is this whore even at the house if she doesn't want SMUSH?
I understand why the Situation would be pissed at these cunts who won't fuck, but he could show a little tact and help Pauly out. Take them out to the hot tub, or cook them some food or just chill on the couch with them while Pauly gets his D in. These girls might even decide to hook-up with you later if you give them a little attention, not just pull them into a room with single beds a few inches apart. Not everyone likes boning just feet from their friend/sister.
On the same token, I like that he is making these girls feel like shit for being the blue balling bitches they are. But he could wait five minutes while Pauly slides it in, then kick both girls out in even more hilarious fashion.
Next week: ON THE DRAMATIC FINALE...we get way too much Ron and Sammy, Pauly unleashes his foghorn voice on Snooki/J-Woww, Mike has a threesome with a very tranny looking whore (again?) and someone dies (I hope).
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