-"She's so big, dawg, she broke the bed." -Situation, as he and Pauly D move Angie's bed out of the room. Or attempt to move it, and instead break everything they touch. Including the window of some car when they huck her shoes over the Metropole fence.
-Snooki tries to rescue a lobster, named Charlie, planning to keep it in a bowl of water and feed it worms (since she refuses to eat food that has lived /shakes head sadly). .
"It goes in salt water you idiot." -Vinny. Shockingly this plan fails to save Charlie and instead she basically tortures the poor thing by keeping it in fresh water.
"Charlie's dead now." -Pauly.
I've said it before, but these people destroy everything they touch, even when their intentions are good.
-Girl drama is the single most depressing, annoying thing in the world. That is why I don't talk to girls unless I am drunk and actively trying to fuck. And not for longer than like 5 minutes at a time.
-I am really excited to sneak a flask and some 40 oz. brews into the theater to watch Jackass 3D. Great way to pull underage trim.
-Awwwww, Vinny's in love. Can't wait for this to end spectacularly.
-How is it possible that Snooki can have a friend who is an even bigger shitshow than herself? Such a person just couldn't function, yet we meet her friend Ryder who Snooki looks down on. They also communicate with sound effects. This is awesome on so many levels.
They also get the most massive drinks ever at some bar, and before I die I will consume that uber-Margarita or whatever the fuck it is.
-"You look like a Chippendale dancer." -Snook. "A very religous one." -Ryder, I think, commenting on the Sit's horrible vest. I believe this slight of his outfit set into motion his bitchyness for the rest of the show.
-"You did meet him and you made out with him." -Ronald, burning Sammy after she judges Mike for being a creep. Sammy's insecurity is off the charts. The only thing she knows is that she doesn't like J-Woww, but fuck me if I can find why she feels this way.
-This Wednesday's South Park is going to be fucking epic. Randy Marsh plus Jersey Shore is a guaranteed hit.
-"Do you masturbate before you go out?" -Snooks, to Sammy. Of course Sammy has to ask "Do you?" to Snickles before herself answering in accordance. They say they don't, which is bullshit.
In case you are wondering, I try to, but sometimes a shower beer takes precedence, and I don't like mixing those pleasures.
-I would very much like to see someone slap the shit out of the Situation. Vinny needs to just knock him out the next time he tries to "commit a robbery."
Really glad that girl turned him down and stuck with my man Vin.
-"All of us are dancing and having fun. (Mike's) watching the show." -Pauly D. Speaking of Mikey, his sudden "bad, edgy, no patience mood" screams out drug use. Add that to his rapey tendencies and he really should go play ball at the U.
Mixed with his own insecurity issues. I think he and Sammy would make a wonderful couple.
Next Week: The Situation fails to close, he gets into a bitchy fight with someone and then the sun rises.
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