Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Lazy Summer Days: Sack's Summer Sports Guide

I apologize sincerely for the lack of blogs lately, but the combination of 60 hour work weeks and no computer has seriously hamstrung your boy. But, thanks to my sister's roommates boyfriend-ish guy, my computer is alive, and soon I'll have me a pretty little Macbook as well, so I will have no excuse (save my epic laziness).

Still, it isn't like much has happened in the last few weeks. Yes, I still owe a Nuggs and Avs season recap, but we are in no rush for those, as both leagues are still in the midst of the playoffs. The Rockies are pretty much treading water lately, Tim Tebow has his own ESPN page so what really can I add and even Liverpool crapped out on me in the EPL. Lakers vs. Celtics is so gay (and 2000 & Late /gay Black Eyed Fergie), LeBron watch is almost as annoying as Favre watch and if I have to watch another Red Sox/Yankees game on ESPN I will cut out my own eyes.

So really there isn't any point even paying attention to sports right now? Enjoy the sunshine in San Diego and work hard to get ahead in life, that is the plan.

Hahashaha. Fuck that. Sacky Sack will always find some reasons to watch sports, so here is your summer viewing guide:


#1 The World Cup: I missed most of the Premier League season with no FSC (and I had no FIFA to help me cope), but it was pretty fucking weak. Torres was all hurted, Chelsea beat everyone senseless, every team is going fucking bankrupt or some shit. But none of that matters now, as every person in the world will have enough soccer (err, futbol) to entertain them for an entire month. Every day from June 11-on is equivalent to the Super Bowl for at least four countries. That is so badass.

I get a boner every time I think about it. The best part? That the games start at like 7AM Cali time each day, perfect for my schedule. Guess who is gonna do lots of morning drinking? This motherfucker, that's who.

I'll try to get out my own World Cup Preview soon, rife with stereotypes and incorrect assesments of teams based soley on my like/dislike of players in FIFA (For Example: Fuck the Godamn Czech Republic because of that helmet wearing cunt Petr Cech).

 #2 Ubaldo Jimenez: Like me, you may not have witnessed his no-no. Unlike me, you probably didn't happen to see him lose his only game (OH NOS I am bringing Edy/Kilometers level jinxers on my teams now. Too much Cali). But every time the U-Ball grabs the ball-o-twine greatness might explode from his hand. So at least once a week the Rocks are must see TV. Tune in, bitches.

#3 NBA Free Agency: Yes, I bitched about the Bron-Bron overkill, but what happens this summer is gonna be insane. And it will affect the Nuggs, even if they aren't directly involved. I mean, say LBJ ends up on the Clippers or Mavericks, suddenly WTF do the Nuggies do? Other than try to induce Texas into declaring war on the US and getting the Mavs axed from the league? We can't get past the Jazz flutes, how are we gonna get past Kobe, LBJ as well? Shit.

Even better what if, what if LBJ signs with the Wizards. Even sans Gil, Lebron plus Wall, McGee and Blatche is a frightening team. Most athletic team in history potential. Not saying, just saying.


#4 Always Sunny In Philly: Replays on Comedy Central. FTW bitches. I have watched way too much Scrubs on that channel, they needed something else. This will work great.

#5 MLB Quick Pitch: Remember when they showed highlights on Baseball Tonight or Sportscenter? No. Well watch the MLB Network's nightly show and enjoy pretty much every run from every game. If you aren't lucky enough to have FSN and the Rockies Double Play, this is the best you can get. Tivo'd nightly, for sure.

#6 Stanley Cup Finals: I hate Philly fans and teams. I'm not a big fan of Chi-Town teams and their constantly whining fanbases. Still, this should be a great match-up. If not just for the team colors. Black and Red vs. Black and Orange. White ice. This is what HDTV was made for. Too bad I don't have one. Guess I'll have to hit the bar for this.

#7 NBA Finals: I'll watch, but unless the Suns advance, I'm rooting for an Earthquake to swallow LA and Boston simultaneously. Yep, I'm willing to risk my life in a floating California afterworld in exchange for these two teams dying.


#8 Tebow: Will he circumcise his fellow rookies? Will he throw a ball out of Dove Valley all the way to Colorado Springs? Will he continue to throw like a gay? Find out on 9News at 10.

#9 Me: I'll bounce into Colorado (Front Range) June 5-11, Ohio June 24-28 (or something), hopefully The Dale for Mountain Fair (late July for those fags unaware), Vegas or Powell (or both) around August 20, probably Denver for CSU-Cunty U in Sept and maybe a trip to NY in the fall. I love me some me, and if I continue to work 60 hours a week like this I might as well spend my cash money millions on myself. Also, some of you queers should come visit the beach whilst I live here. How often do you get a free place on the beach?

Good times and fruit salad,

-Sack

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