South Africa: I've never been to South Africa, but the Power of One is my favorite book so I am pretty much an expert on this racist ass country. Also, because ESPN has been running promos and magazine features non-stop for the last 6 months about how sports helped overcome apartheid I am already sick of South Africa. But it makes sense to run those features before the cup, because South Africa sucks and will get molested all tournament long. I know almost nothing about this team, because why would I play with South Africa in FIFA. I mean, shit, that is like playing as the Lions. Nope. I know that they kicked off their all-time leading scorer for being a fatty. I'm sure that will help their chances.
I'm certainly not cheering for any openly racist team. Fuck South Africa. What's that? The team is pretty much all black. Hmmm. I still bet that they don't like white people very much. All I know is the white people in SA are either English or German, and both can go suck a dick.
The real reason everyone should cheer against South Africa is the damn Vuvuzela. No, it is not a new form of apartheid, but it is the constant whining, buzzing sound that will make your eardrums bleed. The South African people love them, and just blow into them all game long. It is insufferable during any game, but especially so during SA games.
I wouldn't totally count them out, as I think Nelson Mandella is quite the assest on set pieces.
Mexico: Already having established that I don't like South Africa I must now reach a whole 'nother level of hatred to describe my dislike of these cunts. I can't even write how angry Mexican soccer make me. I hope they all die when their piece of shit Estadia Azteca falls apart. Preferably as they are hosting Costa Rica.
The worst are Mexican fans that live in America. Guess what assholes? You fled your shithole country to come here, quit supporting Blanco and his shithead teammates. We have a few Mexican-American athletes on our squad, we should have more if all the good Mexicans here didn't go back as soon as they got good. Putas.
The Mexican squad is always pretty damn good, especially in Mexico City, but as soon as they go on the road-o they forget-o how to win-o (You know I don't speak Spanish). Fortunately for them they have basically a bye against South Africa and struggling ass France in their group. They should advance. Old man Blanco and young buck Gio de los Santos are both capable of making things happen, and their fans like to vomit in cups and throw them at Landy-cakes (This is how queso/bean-dip was invented).
If you want to make their fans angry, just tell them about the time the US beat them in the 2002 World Cup. I suggest fashioning a yellow page vest prior to doing this, as you know the Mexican't is gonna go to town with his shiv.
France: Oh good God, this is the group of Douche. These cheating, smelly, cowardly, cunty, ugly, stuck-up, cigarette-sucking, head-butting, ball-fondelers should not even be in this World Cup. It should be the awesomely drunk and entertaining Irish. But Henry (pronounced On-Ree) got away with a handball to score and elminate our red-haired, church bombing brothers. Sad.
Henry really isn't that bad of a guy, and he is crossing the pond soon to play in the US, so lay off him, mostly because their are so many more players on the French team to mock. Like Frank Ribery, who very much enjoys his underage whores. Or the fact that most French people are arrogant assholes, so they just invite hate.
Plus, almost all the players on the French team are born in other countries, like Algeria or Senegal or some other dickbag African country that France colonized and fucked up. They used to steal diamonds and gold from those countries, now they just steal people. AND THAT IS SLAVERY AND THAT IS WRONG.
Warning: Do not make comments about French people's mothers. They get all headbutty. Which is a strong example of why French people suck at fighting wars, because if you were really that mad at someone, why not hit them in the face?
Diego Forlan is an asshole to Liverpool, so I'm not a big fan of him, but if he sticks a few goals past the French of Mexis, I might be persuaded to appreciate him a bit more.
I couldn't even place the Gays on a map, but they wear baby blue, so Sack approves.
Tomorrow, group B aka AMMMMMEEERRRRIIIICCCCAAAAA, Twatty Cunts, and some other random countries.
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