Thursday, August 18, 2011

Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Season 4, Episode 3

When we last left our Italain-ish pals Ron was distancing himself from Samantha and Mike was creeping on Snooki, which was super creepy. As well, I'm pretty sure that J-Woww wasn't doing coke at that exact moment, but the moment before and after, yeah, she was. Tonight, I expect some fights and supposedly some Lesbionic adventures. All aboard the USS Herpes!

-"Just go," Mike, to the only blonde whore in Florence. What a gentleman.

-"Snooki and I are a lot alike right now...we are both dedicated to going to the gym. And we're both dedicated to drinking and having a good time." -Ronald.

-Snooki misses Rambo "fighting, kissing and making up." Because those three attributes make up a healthy relationship...or, because with those two being retarded her relationship looks semi-solid.

-Snooki basically gets raped at the gym. Shockingly, she loves it. fast did that Sheen shit get old?

-"Allright dad, I'll call you back after Mike tries to get his booty call in." -Snooki.

-"1st of all, I'm not doing sex." -D-Na.
"Then quit wasting his time." -Vinny or Pauly.

P.S. How does DeeeeeNa find the one guy in Italy without an Italian name. Ellis? What is this a subliminal shot at Ellis Island and turn-of-the-century Immigration Law?

-"Hello, this is Vinny. I'm madly, deeply in love with you." Pauly D posing as Vin.

"Can I speak to Mike." Unattractive twin.

"After all I just said? This relationship isn't gonna work. (Click)." Pauly.

Followed by Ronnie hanging up repeatedly.

Then, Ron invites the twins over, which is actually the funniest, intentional thing he has ever done on this show. And he is SUPER proud of it. Like a toddler who just dooked in the toilet for the first time.

-"She wants to know where she can put her toothbrush." -Pauly, in regards to the Twin appeareance.

-"Obviosuly, I love you." -Ron to Sammi. That;s why I promised to fly another girl out here just to fuck with you.

-"Conservative black V-neck...That means Ron is back with Sam." -Pauly and Vin.

"When you contemplate suicide because of someone else's relationship, that is a bad sign." -Pauly.

-"When they are together, they both wear black, like a funeral." -Pauly, on Rambo.

-Mike just actually called someone else selfish. The guy who tries to pull robberies all the time and literally plans his statements based on how often he will be on camera almost broke the third wall with this statement.

-Mike thinks he has a threesome. Deena intrudes and gets "lesbionic." They return home. Mike just leaves his whore to chat with tSnooki. Deena gets the "virgin" twin into her bed. She leaves because Pauly and Vin are poking fun at her. Ronnie rats out the Sitch to Sam and Jenn. Deena confronts the guys and leaves Lesbi-twin alone. J-Woww tells Snooki that Mike said they hooked up. Virg-i-twin jumps into Vinny's bed. Mike and Snooki have a blowout. Deena returns and steals the virgin from Vinny. Mike confronts a drunk Ronnie about snitching. Deena "pusses out" (get it) and Vinny actually gets some residual stank.

(Best 5 minutes of Jersey Shore ever, prolly).

Everyone is somehow still functioning perfectly at 6:30 in the morning despite the massive amounts of booze...

-Leading to Humetron stating, "I wonder how much coke they must do to still be awake and functioning right now?"

Hook-Ups: Vinny: 1, but the assist certainly goes to Deee-Na, who picks up a half point.

MVG: It was almost Ron for showing maturity with Sam then showing none with the Situation situation, but then I remembered you get no points for maturity. The real winner, VINNY, for being the only one to get some stank, and for combining with Pauly to mock everyone in the house.

Next week: Situation vs. Ron, hopefully (aka Tyson vs. McNeely). Deena might finally get dick. Pauly and Vinny are funny. J-Woww goes into cardiac arrest.

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