Why? Why must it end? I feel like it was only a month ago that we all moved in together and made out in the hot tub. Now, we all have to return to our parents' houses.
When we last checked, Ronald was claiming self-defense after running 30 yards to clock some fool. Now, he is in jail. And everyone sleeps in too long and they are late to pick him up. Some family.
-"Should I call 9-11?" Yes, Snooks, call 9-11 to find someone in jail.
-"Israelis would have shot someone."- Pauly D.
"Israelis would have been like (Scarface machine gun mime)." -Vinny. Jewish people are going to love that.
-Juicehead Central. The Baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, New York, maybe the Juicehead wing should be in Seaside, Jerz, so McGwire and Sosa can have somewhere to be enshrined.
-"10 will get you 20, Mike." -Vinny. "Age of consent in New Jersey is 16, enough said."
My daughter is never setting foot inside the state of Jersey. Ever.
-"She can be my new girlfriend for the next few months, until I break up with her before next summer."- Sit. I'm wish that I had seen this show when I was an impressionable teen, because I would have tried to act like this guy. Instead, I read Tucker Max's stories and just drank mass amounts of booze and assumed the girls would be impressed. Not sure either plan would have been great.
-Snooks gets all sorts of pissed that Keith won't hang out. The man has a job. Not everyone just gets to
Then she gets all pissed that no one will come down to the boardwalk to dance with her. Go up to the bar. Or is she too short to climb steps? Climbing up to that bar would have been like Summiting Everest.
-"(The arcade) is sort of like Chucky Cheese...For dudes." -The Sit. Good save, Mikey, but I know you actually prefer the trim at Chucky's.
-The Situation says Snicks is like his little sister, then goes and hooks up with her (actually,
-"If you are hungry, try a Snickers." Wonder how much MTV made from that quote.
-Vinny finally retaliates to Mike. Something about Bulldog girls. It is fucking weak. I would have pissed in his bed. Both appear ready to settle for a tie in their competition. They say a tie is like kissing your sister, which is very fitting for Vin and Mike.
-MONTAGE...EVERYBODY LOVES A MONTAGE.
-"20-30 years from now I'll remember everything." -J-Wowwwww. Even though she can't ever remember last night.
-"'The Snooks' is out." Classic. Ending the show with 3rd person. Drink.
Commercial break: I will never, ever watch a second of the 'Lovely Bones' due to all the fucking commercials I have been accosted with while watching Jersey Shore and the Real World. In fact, I want to find the actress who played that girl, and stab her. Come get ME, Marky Mark.
Reunion:
Bonus Shore. /Fist Pump
-In the bonus round, Vin calls the Situation the house mother. Does that mean he hooked up with his own sister? The incest comes full circle. But a point for Vinny in the battle. 5-4, or something. I'm too drunk to really care.
-"You have to walk through the Weeds to get to the flowers." -Mike. Yeah, but you don't have to fuck the weeds.
-I think I should take all of the best Jersey Shore quotes, put them on a calender, and sell them. Mix in some "New Haircut" lines and some other famous Guido quotes. Guido-a-day calender, coming 2010.
-"I'm never going to go hungry" -The Sit, talking about eating Shore Beef (aka that pussy).
"Not with the kinda girls you bring home." -Ron, with authority.
-"Boyfriend or not, I don't care. He is a sucker." -Pauly D, just called out Tawmmy. If they do a season two, he needs to come up to fight Paul. That would be TV Platinum.
-Vinny's mom is awesome. I want to bang her.
-The Situation and Angelina are awesome together. They need to get her to come to the Shore next summer. They might 'smush" or one may shoot the other, but it would be great for dranking. And that is what is important.
-Ronny and Sam's breakup only happened six months too late. GAAAAYYYYYYYYYY. And possibly more staged than the WWE. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT YEAR? Am I going to have to wait a whole year? Will Ronald kill her and bang the corpse? So many questions.
-"Did any cops walk away with my number?" -Ron. Yes, the cops did. Your driver's license, your case number, your cell block number, etc.
-If you were playing the fistpump=drink game, you just died. Sorry 'bout that.
/BLACKOUT
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