I was in Ohio for a memorial service/massive amounts of Miller Light/Bud Light consumption for the past week, so I'm sorry that I couldn't post my World Cup recaps/previews. Really, it was probably a blessing in disguise since whatever horrible things I would have written in the moments following US are better left out of print. Since we have a couple of days off from the Copa and no more Merica to support, allow me to suggest some ways soccer can improve the game specifically to help engage a US audience.
First off, the US can't use rules in our leagues that make mockeries of the rules used in the rest of the world. The MLS-style shootout should teach us that, along with the way every American fan mocks Canadian football (rouge, seriously, gtfo). Still, there are many ways that futbol can be improved to help me and every American wnjoy it more. Some are simple rule tweaks that would affect every level of play a bit, while others would just take place in the top-level competitions.
Punish Dives More Fiercely: If a ref feels a player took a dive, give him a yellow. If he misses the call and it is obvious from video there was a dive, retroactively give yellow cards and/or suspend players. Right now there is really no punishment for "embellishment" so players just fall down as soon as they get in the box. They will still do it, but the threat of punishment should start to deter this crap.
If you need a stretcher, you sit: For at least 10 minutes. If you can make it off in under 30 seconds you can enter at the next dead ball. If you actually can't walk the 30 meters to the side/end line then you are too injured to continue playing and you must be checked out. 10 minutes later you can sub in again. Ghanaians wouldn't be rolling around on the ground for minutes at a time if they knew they would be shorthanded, you can bet they would play through the pain. Punch of flopping pussies.
Replay: You get one challenge per game. Only in actual World Cup games. You win it, you get another, you lose, no more challenges, so use them wisely. You can challenge offside, ball over the line or a dive in the box, BUT any call must face overwhelming evidence to overturn. Especially on the dives. If there is any contact, it stands, but this should take care of the times no one touches a player and they flounder like bitches.
This won't cripple the flow of the game any more than the constant injuries, that I just eliminated. Play will continue until the next stoppage, whereupon the replay will take place. If the call is overturned the game will revert back. Basically do this like hockey.
No PKS, play until you die: Sorry, but ending a World Cup w/ PKs is just weak. Like ending a football game with a FG kicking competition (oh wait, that is basically what we do, maybe football isn't God's gift to sports). Just keep playing until someone wins after 30 minutes. Maybe allow one substitution after 120 minutes and every 30 after. Think of the epic games that could result.
Add two more refs: For World Cup games at least, add two more refs, even if there sole job is just to watch each of the goal lines. I would prefer they assist the ref in making all calls, as there is no way that one guy can watch all 22 players. Pretty fucking simple change that would help everyone.
More defined system of stoppage time: Take the clock away from the ref and have someone actually counting the seconds wasted by argumentation and injuries. I'm sorry, but adding on just a minute or two for all the Ghanaian timewasting was pretty weak. Stop rewarding bullshit behavior. If someone wastes time, put it back on.
Make an American Striker who can score: Fucking Jozy and Findley blew so many chances in this tournament it makes me sick.
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