-Ronnie is drinking with fake-Ronnie. This is itself should be a reality show.
-Snookers passes out in the doggy cage. This isn't funny, because it's where Smush-Smush belongs.
-If you ever find yourself by Sammi, just vomit to make her leave. This is the natural reaction when seeing a wild Sammi, but still, the more you know...
-"I'm bleeding when I go to the bathroom." -Ronald. That, my friends, is a fucking BENDER. When the end result is you shitting blood.
-"I'm not gonna do anything graphic, I'm just gonna look." Doctor Guido. Look, Doc, both Ronni and I have used that line many times, and we both know it also ends with some touching. And poking. In the butt.
-"It was wrong of me to laugh. Who wants to bleed out of their butt? I wouldn't." -Sammi. Not wrong to laugh, when someone drinks until they shit blood the only appropriate answer is laughter.
-"You really never tried it (masturbation), and it wasn't phenomenal?" -Snookers, during the very nice and healthy female fingering convo. There is not a person in the world that has never masturbated, or if any such person exists, I do not ever want to meet them, because they have got to be super fucked up. But I have had several conversations with bitches who say they don't, and they are just stupid lying whores.
-"I told him I'm taking his sperm...and I'm making a baby with it." -Snooki, because there are other reasons for keeping sperm.
-"You need a golden ticket to get into these drawers." -Deena, but the consolation prize of a rim job isn't half bad.
Looks like Dario just inherited the Wonka Factory.
-"Everyone Google it, because that is why the ocean is salty, because of all the whale sperm." -Snooki. Also to Google; Snow is God's sperm, the sky is blue because of Smurf sperm and Snookis are the Devil's sperm.
-Somehow Snooki finds the one Jersey Shore Guido that is a nerd.
-"You better send roses to the house...Roses with fried pickles in them." -Pauly D, the human answering machine.
-"I look like a hot, drunk baseball player right now...and I'm loving it." -Snooki.
-"Ow. We were talking." -Snooki. "I know, that's why I threw it at you." -Bossman Guido Danny who probably made the best investment ever in hiring these retards.
-Advertisement: "You know why fans talk about my hair instead of my acne?" -Beibs. Because you haven't hit puberty yet?
-Face down, ass up is now called the Jersey Turnpike. Good to know.
-"Did (Ron) have his period?" -Snooki. Yes, that is exactly what Ronni's butthole problem is, he has been dating cunty Samantha so long that his cycle has matched up.
-"Stalker!." "What are you doing here?" "You are the last person I ever expected to see here." "When you have a baby, what bird delivers the baby?" -All Vinny (who I had forgotten was on the show until this point), all to the Jew Stalker. All while Pauly laughs while wearing the infamous "I (heart) Jewish
"What did Jack climb up?" Pauly D.
-I would celebrate Ron and Sammi breaking up, but I don't believe it is real.
BUT IF IT IS....
Most Valuable Guido: Pauly D. From pranking Snooker's new juicehead on the phone, making peace with the Stalker just to mock her to get payback and just generally being hilarious all season long. Props, Pauly. Maybe we could actually get some MVP later this year?
Bed Post Notches: Sitch I think had one (2 on the year). D-Na got a golden ticket (2). And apparently Vinny (3) gets one according to the deleted scenes, which brings up a ton of problems with whoever is editing this show. According to another deleted scene Mike's penis is covered in fur, explaining why his Chewbaca has been lonely this season. Don't ever say I'm not going the extra distance for these blogs.
Next Week: I really think the Wicked Witch is leaving. And if it doesn't happen, MTV, I warn you, I will continue to watch.
No comments:
Post a Comment