The Weekend Sack-Up: See, winning is better

Forgive me, it has been almost a week without me posting my hilarious pictures and rants (you didn't even notice. Well fuck you, buddy).

It was a big week around the Colorado sports scene, as pretty much everything went well. The only big loss was CSU basketball at UNC, but the Tar Heels are number one in that nation (What's that, Northern Colorado? I refuse to acknowledge such a crazy claim).

Broncos:
Two concerns: 1) Was Bumbles Orton spiking his Gatorade with Jack? Because he was fumblin' and bumblin' like a Keith Jackson wet dream.
2) If KC got some WR open on busted coverages, how open will Piere-Marc-Andre Fluery-Garcon be next week (so help me Joseph Smith's Norwegian Jesus if Austin "Lassie" Collie catches a TD).

Fortunately the Broncos were saved from some embarrassing scores by one man today:

-Everybody remembers that kid from Little Giants, who couldn't catch and got his hands stuck together with Stick 'Em. I never knew that kid was actually Bobby Wade. Certainly made more of himself than Devon Sawa or even IceBox (I wonder when Simmons will do a "What If" on her).

-Remember what started that whole J-Cunty debacle. It was trying to trade for Matt Cassel:

Hmmm, I'm kinda glad we didn't trade for THAT guy.

-Brodie Croyle is the exact opposite of a victory cigar.

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.

-Man, the Chiefs really decided to just hand the game to Denver in the third quarter, especially.

Then again, with the Broncos super special team play thus far against Native American teams, anything could have happened (see; Redskins, Washington).

-The guy in charge of the Chiefs, Todd Haley, is really a raging cunt. I am surprised he didn't murder a back-up today.

-So many jokes about this, but really all I can ask is why?

 

I wonder if Redface is as racist as Blackface?

And why?

Nasty N, it is your job to come up with the appropriate inappropriate jokes for these. It really is your purpose here on Earth.

Nuggets: Busted those bitch ass Spurs up. Didn't lose to the T-Wolves. Good week.
Below is a brilliant video brought to my attention by @tjedy:

What a fucking Princess.


Tweets of the week:
Lance Moorman: "Jacked some asshole who tried to reach in my pockets... I hope your broken nose feels good you ignorant fuck."
And people ask me why I'm on Twitter. This gives me hope one of the many SD hobos will accost me and some point and allow me to haul off and smack a bitch.


Club Trillion: Al Michaels on Jared Allen: "Sooner or later #69 will be in your face." Sometimes it's just too easy.

Honorable Mention: Black Prez: Vicks TD Pass got me kinda teary eyed... So happy...


Avs: An up and down week, but the two goal comeback in the last 50 seconds against Florida to save a point was huge. Hopefully Anderson isn't out too long. But my by Duchene keeps scoring. Matty Ice, baby.

CSU Rams: Besides the blemish against a better-than-they-should-be UNC team, the Rams defeated in-state "Rival" Denver. 5-3 is a pretty good start. Now it is time to fuck up CU and attempt to complete the sweep in every sport that I care about (fb, vb, m&wbb). Wear white if you are in Fort Collins Thursday. For purity of race. Wait, that isn't right. Just because we have one of the least diverse schools in the country doesn't mean we have to show off, right?


Rockies: There are rumors you assholes are gonna bring back Jamie Carroll. This cannot be true and I might renounce my fandom if he comes back. If he and (name redacted) share the 2B role I might just start stabbing random people on the street, or mail bombs around the country in a pattern that resembles a lazy pop out to right center field. YOU MADE ME DO THIS!

Other sports news: Teboner- If I was a worldly fellow like Tim Tebow, I would have seen some stuff that shows me what is really important in life. I used to be a bitch who cried about shit like sports, but then I dealt with real life losses I stopped. I'm sorry, but they should take away his old fucking Heisman for that routine. Adam Morrison-esque, it was.

The Saints- I am so proud of myself for picking Robert Meachem off the scrap heap in fantasy. Best maneuver ever. The early games at the bar where perfect, shit was going crazy all morning long.

The Vikings- Will lose in the playoffs when Brad Childress calls 50 passes for Brettard Favre and doesn't give Purple Jesus the ball.

TCU vs. Boise- They should just mutually agree to not even play. I have dubbed it the Glass Ceiling Bowl. Mike Donovan had this to say: "TCU/Boise St. What a crock. What a lose-lose for both teams. The JV National Championship or the Separate But Equal Bowl." He said it first, but it is my blog so I go first here. No journalistic integrity on this site, buddy.


Happy Hollidays: Oh, it is Christmas season now so I send you off with this lovely ditty.

The Weekend Sack-Up (cuz it rhymes with wrap up)...

That was a very eventful weekend folks. I now have a consistent job, a part-time job and am actually starting to feel comfortable that I live in California, which in turn scares that crap out of me (I can actively feel myself getting worse at driving). Additionally, it was again an up-and-down weekend as far as sports go. Broncos keep kicking ass and taking names, Rams did the complete opposite of that.

Plus, my sister got to go to the Broncos game, after some dude hooked her up with a ticket. She was handing out ribbons to raise breast cancer awareness inside the stadium, but still, no one hooked me up with a ticket as I sat on my couch scratching my sack raising my own awareness about testicular cancer. Homeboy gave away about $1200 dollars worth of tickets to my sister and her friends. What a dick. /jealousy

Broncos vs. ReChargers with pretty PICTURES, so you bitches don't have to read:

First, I stole Ben Pollock's Facebook update for that picture up top, because it summed the game up best. An exact quote, exclamation points (!!!) and everything. Suck on that reporting, Adam Schefter.

-Yes, more Marmalard douchiness:

-Not so awesome without a running game. Somehow, the MNF guys continued to give this doucheknucke props for being oblivious to the pass rush, as if that was a good thing. Probably was, until Mr. Oblivious had a halftime snack of Butterfingers, dropping the ball all over the place as Elvis and the boys ate his lunch, told him it sucked and savaged him.

You know how girls, when they are trying to squash a bug with a Kleanex and don't quite kill it so it is still squirming, kind of jump back and shovel the bug ahead of them. That is how Pip Rivers looked as he completed this pass. Even left-handed Jake Plummer thinks this was retarded.

-The real story of the game though, was Eddie Royal:

Haha. I stole this quote from Sean Star's Facebook. Man I am like the Puff Daddy of blogging. Sampling, bitches.

-Eddie is so nice, he did it twice:

-Ole number 8 played solid again, even if he looks like how I feel after a three day bender:

-It shouldn't be a surprise due to our Orton's Jack Daniels addiction, but his favorite target today was his own number in double-vision:

Akward walking/hopping is not a TD celebration. Just spike the ball and go for some chest bumps or something. You looked like a gay, skipping giraffe on PBS or some shit. Hell of catch though. Glad you didn't get shipped out like Cuntler.

-It was a good day for white pass catchers. I bet these racists are thrilled: 

Ben Aaker, I will continue this arguement until I die, at which point I will have "You can't score a TD with your feet" inscribed on my tombstone. When Stokes caught the ball it had broken the plane, he fell forwards (for him) after catching the ball and landed out of the end zone, but forward progress allows him to score. If his feet were in the end zone and he was diving out of the end zone, and the ball never broke the plane of the goalline, no TD.

And yes I spent like an hour researching this again. This is the best explanation of it I could find.

-If this guy is your coach, might as well be that girl from '27 Dresses', always the bridesmaid never winning anything more prestigious than the AFC West.

-I totally called this in my preview, by the way:

Strange, no pics of LdT? You might have asked that, hypothetical reader. If you get replaced by Darren Sproles on third-and-goal, no pics for you.

-These are the people I have to deal with on a daily basis:

Care about my life? I'll make you:

I started working as a bouncer, which has all the fun drama of going out without the perks of getting wasted. I actively must try to stop people from behaving exactly like I would be behaving. I think that my drunked exploits of stealing, breaking, sneaking in and causing general mayhem at bars helps me in this position, as I know what to look for, and what things are attractive, but I am betting that Karma has been waiting for this chance to pay me back. Not too exited for that to happen.

The best thing about bouncing is the hours. 9-3 isn't a bad job if you can get it, especially in the PM. I am no longer a weirdo for sleeping in until 3 p.m. Suck on that, dad. I wasn't being lazy, I was just training.

I got tipped out $15, and I am proud to say that is the first money I have actually been paid out here. Holla.

CSU vs. TCU. Kinda like what would happen if the Hindenburg landed on the Titanic:
I predicted we would lose, but not like that. Some quick thoughts, before I repress this memory down with the one about my Boy Scout troop leader (Just kidding. Walking around in the woods with a bunch of dudes is the opposite of what I enjoy. Anyone who signs up for that is already gay, so I guess they just enjoy their special squeezer merit badge).

-Klint Kubiak has been a great player for CSU, but he is more injury prone than LaDanian. I have a feeling we are going to be hearing from him soon, when he engineers disasters looking for Bruce Willis. Yep, I just called him Mr. Glass.

-I don't know who are bigger idiots; those throwing CSU and the coaching staff under the bus after losing games against four teams that have lost a combined 3 tiems or those who are turning on Obama. Both have a ton of work to do to get their respective 'teams' up to the elite level they were, it isn't going to happen in one year. People are so impatient now, they want everything right away, deal with reasonable expectations.(This could have gone much longer, be glad it didn't)

-TCU is much faster than us. That is clear. We need a couple years of faster recruits (read: those from Florida, Cali and Texas) until we will be truely competitive. As much as I think the SEC isoverrated, we need us some ESSS-EEEE-CEEE speed. Right now CSU leads the nation in whiteness. White people are not exactly know for our speed. I'm not sayin,' I'm just sayin.' (Uhh, no Fischer DeBerry, and see Brandon Stokely-related link)

-SDSU sucks balls. Exactly the team that we should be playing this week. And we are home. Let's do this.

In other sports news:
-CU won a game over a team from a real state. Guess why?

I am so glad, because this means that Hawkins will remain around for next season, when Stevie F can beat his ass at Invesco. Enjoy your 4-7 season, Buffs. Maybe he'll even name Cody as a starter again. Or move him to WR, just for shits and giggles. (Def. gonna do a blog with Hawk trying to find a spot for Cody to play. So excited)

-Plus the loss shut up Kansas fans, and they are definetly in my list of people I hate.

"We only cheer for Kansas basketball anyway."

I'm sure you do, whenever they are in the top-10. And certainly when the two sports teams decide to have a fucking royal rumble in the quad.

-The Dodgers and Angles are on the ropes, two things which make me estastic. I think I would drive to LA and start a fire in Dodger Stadium and Disney World if those two met in a World Series.

-It could have been worse for Rams fans, you could have been a fan of Texas A&M or the Titans. Or a fan of both. Would have been as depressing as a murder-suicide. (Out with a bang)