So, it has come to my attention that I am writing an awful lot about a certain television show and not about the original purpose of this show. Which is totally true, but if sports were as interesting and enjoyable as Jersey Shore, I would be posting daily. Instead, the Avs, Nuggs, Broncos suck, football is over and I am not from Purple Row so I can't pretend to be ecstatic about pitchers and catchers reporting.
Still, there are some interesting sports stories going on, so I guess I'll try to find the good in a depressing time. Tomorrow, I give you fun things to enjoy until the NCAA Tourney and baseball crank up:
Da' Rams: Clearly, the best thing going in sports right now is the Colorado State Rams men's basketball team. Turrible for years, including Tim Miles' first season, when the Rams won 0 league games in the regular season (and guess who was beat writer for the Collegian that season? This guy! You know how fun it is to interview a team and write stories during a stretch where a team wins 2-26 games? Pretty much the worst thing ever).
Now, the Rams are actually selling out Moby Arena and should be in the NCAA Tournament with a 4-2 run down the stretch in MWC play. It won't be easy, but god damit it is going to happen.
And I'll be in Vegas again for the MWC tournament, and hopefully the seeding committee will be kind and let us play in Denver if we get that far, because I'll be working there as well.
The Black Super Bowl: The NBA All-Star fesitivities should be fun, almost solely because of Blake Griffin. What is he gonna do in the dunk contest? Who is he gonna yak on in the game? Why can't anyone think of a nickname for him (I think we should just call him Holy Shit, because that is what you say after every dunk)?
AAA: Aaron Afflalo's recent play has given me hope that this Nuggets team can be fun to cheer for next season, especially sans-Melo. Now, if only the bitch-made Knicks would just cave and make this trade, Denver would be a young team with roster flexibility, instead of this stagnant, stupid concotion that we currently trot out. I would appreciate an exciting team, as my future job in ticket sales with Los Nuggos would be a lot easier if they weren't terrible (knock on wood).
Plus, I find it pretty interesting that post-game winner, all of AAA's teammates were out celebrating (with me and Mark Cuban /name drop) but he was nowhere to be seen. Either he was home being responsible, or I can't recognize him (let's hope it is the former).
Denver: I have probably had as many great times in a month in this city as I had in three months in San Deigo. Which is due in part to a couple factors; 1. I have a lot more friends here. 2. I am currently unemployed and therefore never encumbered by this work thing. 3. When the local team is successful I can celebrate with the locals here, unlike SD where I hated everything about their pathetic sports franchises.
Plus, Spring is clearly on it's way. Yes, we'll have the occasional cold and snow, but the tide is changing and the -20 degree days are behind us. Can't wait for baseball, Wash Park day-drinking and outdoor basketball. Fucking eh, summer.
Squash: It is fucking fun and I'm a natural. I will challenge any of you. Please, because I think the median age of Squashers is 72.
Tim Tebow: I know he's not gonna play next season due to the labor bullshit, but everytime I mention his name I get like 1000 hits, so Tebow Tebow Tebow.
Seriously though, the Broncos should be getting a stud defensive player or two in the draft, which might make us watchable next year, if next year exists.
Welp, that is all for the good stories in sports. 2011 getting off on the same foot as 2010. Steller.
Again, tomorrow I play critic and give you my picks on music, lit, TV and more.
Showing posts with label colorado state. Show all posts
Showing posts with label colorado state. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, November 1, 2010
Weekend Sack-Up: Bandwagoning
So, this weekend was pretty ridiculous. CSU was good, Denver was horrible again and Halloween was too much fun/pain. Alas, I survived with minor damage to my liver and major damage to my already crippled wallet (both metaphorically and in reality).
We will start with the good, CSU: We beat up on another bad team, and it is refreshing to find out that there are 2 teams much worse than us. If we can run the ball, we are a good team. If we can't, and we become one-dimensional, we are really bad. It doesn't hurt that our schedule has featured two of the top 6 teams in the nation.
It was great to see Leonard Mason let out the beast, hopefully he comes on like Triplesticks (Gartrell Johnson) did during the CSU stretch runs in 2008. We still have a shot at bowl elgibility, but the biggest test will come this weekend in San Diego (hey, I live there) as CSU attempts to give me a birthday W, something they failed miserably at last year.
Myself and around 30 of my closest Rammies will be commandeering a party bus and raging all day long for the 7pm game. I cannot wait for this, as we might be the drunkest collection of humans on the planet.
So tune in next weekend, or better yet, come join me in the flesh at Qualcomm and let's dooooooo thiiiisss.
Broncos: This season is over. Orton can't make key plays, bumbles around too much, our defense gets gashed by shitty teams and we made Troy Smith look like he was back at OSU tearing up Akron. Not cool.
I am officially on the Tebow bandwagon, because we might as well make this season interesting if we are going to suck donkey nuts.
Also, I am officially jumping on the Texans bandwagon (so beware, it will probably crash and burn, knowing my sports luck recently) but for the rest of the year they are my numero 1 team, for a number of reason:
-The fact that they are the 2nd largest employer of CSU graduates in the world (No. 1? John Deere. Don't beleive me? You shouldn't, I made that up because of the colors. I think No. 1 is probably CSU). Anderson, Dreessen, Briesel, Smith, Nading, Pemberton, plus Lil' Kubes all get paid NFL dollars to play/coach in the Lone Star State.
-My fantasy team consists of Arian Nation Foster, Matty Shaub, Andre Johnson and Neil Rackers. So basically, as Houston's offense goes, so goes my squad. Not the best of plans, but it is working better than Denver's plan.
-How awesome would it be to see them win a Super Bowl in Dallas' uber-stadium?
-They play almost like the old Broncos, with the zone blocking scheme and play-action passing attack. "Loves it." /gay robot voice
-I love Houston hip-hop. Gotta rep that Cham, that Bun, them Geto Boys, uhhhhh. "Chunk ya deuce UP"
Ohhhhh yeaahhhh. For the rest of the 2010-11 season I'll be jocking the Texans.
Avalanches: Chris Stewart thinks that Leonard Mason's Beast is weak. Chris Stewart isn't just beastin', he is in Beast Mode (No Marshawn Lynch). The man is 2nd in the NHL in points and goals, and if you look at him wrong, he isn't shy to throw you a whooping for thinking stupid childish thoughts.
The Avs are fun to watch, and if they can figure out what defense is, they are going to be really fun to watch.
Though I don't like Andy being injured, I do love Boods and hope he comes through for us. Never know when you'll need that No. 2 goaltender. Look at Chicago last year.
Nuggies: More fun to watch than I anticipated, but it is almost like getting some pussy from your girlfriend while you know she is thinking about this big black cock that she is anxious to jump onto. Yup, I just called Melo a whore and New York City man meat. I think it fits nicely.
Halloween (akak
Things I achieved while dressed as a dinosaur):
-Bit the head off of every attractive girl who walked by. Never once did this go wrong, shockingly.
-Bit the head of anyone who was annoying me, announced them dead and walked off.
-Whilst biting people with my Rex mouth, every time I still opened my mouth as if I was controlling the foam mouth. I am special.
-Tried to break-up an engagement by hooking up with the fiancée and was doing very well until cock-blocked by a German. I'll forgive you guys for the Holocaust, but this is unacceptable. See your asses in WWIII
-Post c-block, I proceeded to transfer from fun-loving Rex into Bitter Brontosaurs. My lovely sister tells me that as she was trying to say her goodbyes to give me a ride home, a person dressed as Tigger approached me. This was our exchange, while leaning over the VIP balcony:
-Thought I lost my "wallet," which at this point of the night was a Ziplock with credit cards and $2, at some afterparty at 4:30am, only to find said baggy was down by my ankle, trapped by the magical elastic sweatpants cuffs.
-Spilled a girls drink at the afterparty and then told her to fuck off because if I wasn't allowed to drink at said afterparty neither was she. Who says chivalry is dead?
Welp, that concludes this week's installment of the Sack-Up. Join me later this week for SDSU pregaming analysis, post-pregaming wrap-up and wallowing in sadness without Jersey Shore /tear.
We will start with the good, CSU: We beat up on another bad team, and it is refreshing to find out that there are 2 teams much worse than us. If we can run the ball, we are a good team. If we can't, and we become one-dimensional, we are really bad. It doesn't hurt that our schedule has featured two of the top 6 teams in the nation.
It was great to see Leonard Mason let out the beast, hopefully he comes on like Triplesticks (Gartrell Johnson) did during the CSU stretch runs in 2008. We still have a shot at bowl elgibility, but the biggest test will come this weekend in San Diego (hey, I live there) as CSU attempts to give me a birthday W, something they failed miserably at last year.
Myself and around 30 of my closest Rammies will be commandeering a party bus and raging all day long for the 7pm game. I cannot wait for this, as we might be the drunkest collection of humans on the planet.
So tune in next weekend, or better yet, come join me in the flesh at Qualcomm and let's dooooooo thiiiisss.
Broncos: This season is over. Orton can't make key plays, bumbles around too much, our defense gets gashed by shitty teams and we made Troy Smith look like he was back at OSU tearing up Akron. Not cool.
I am officially on the Tebow bandwagon, because we might as well make this season interesting if we are going to suck donkey nuts.
Also, I am officially jumping on the Texans bandwagon (so beware, it will probably crash and burn, knowing my sports luck recently) but for the rest of the year they are my numero 1 team, for a number of reason:
-The fact that they are the 2nd largest employer of CSU graduates in the world (No. 1? John Deere. Don't beleive me? You shouldn't, I made that up because of the colors. I think No. 1 is probably CSU). Anderson, Dreessen, Briesel, Smith, Nading, Pemberton, plus Lil' Kubes all get paid NFL dollars to play/coach in the Lone Star State.
-My fantasy team consists of Arian Nation Foster, Matty Shaub, Andre Johnson and Neil Rackers. So basically, as Houston's offense goes, so goes my squad. Not the best of plans, but it is working better than Denver's plan.
-How awesome would it be to see them win a Super Bowl in Dallas' uber-stadium?
-They play almost like the old Broncos, with the zone blocking scheme and play-action passing attack. "Loves it." /gay robot voice
-I love Houston hip-hop. Gotta rep that Cham, that Bun, them Geto Boys, uhhhhh. "Chunk ya deuce UP"
Ohhhhh yeaahhhh. For the rest of the 2010-11 season I'll be jocking the Texans.
Avalanches: Chris Stewart thinks that Leonard Mason's Beast is weak. Chris Stewart isn't just beastin', he is in Beast Mode (No Marshawn Lynch). The man is 2nd in the NHL in points and goals, and if you look at him wrong, he isn't shy to throw you a whooping for thinking stupid childish thoughts.
The Avs are fun to watch, and if they can figure out what defense is, they are going to be really fun to watch.
Though I don't like Andy being injured, I do love Boods and hope he comes through for us. Never know when you'll need that No. 2 goaltender. Look at Chicago last year.
Nuggies: More fun to watch than I anticipated, but it is almost like getting some pussy from your girlfriend while you know she is thinking about this big black cock that she is anxious to jump onto. Yup, I just called Melo a whore and New York City man meat. I think it fits nicely.
Halloween (akak
Things I achieved while dressed as a dinosaur):
-Bit the head off of every attractive girl who walked by. Never once did this go wrong, shockingly.
-Bit the head of anyone who was annoying me, announced them dead and walked off.
-Whilst biting people with my Rex mouth, every time I still opened my mouth as if I was controlling the foam mouth. I am special.
-Tried to break-up an engagement by hooking up with the fiancée and was doing very well until cock-blocked by a German. I'll forgive you guys for the Holocaust, but this is unacceptable. See your asses in WWIII
-Post c-block, I proceeded to transfer from fun-loving Rex into Bitter Brontosaurs. My lovely sister tells me that as she was trying to say her goodbyes to give me a ride home, a person dressed as Tigger approached me. This was our exchange, while leaning over the VIP balcony:
Tigger: "Yo man, what are you? A dinosaur or a gator?"-Thought I lost my keys when instead I made the conscious decision to leave them at a friends house so as not to lose them.
Me: "I'm dressed as a guy who throws Tiggers off of balconies."
Sister: "Allright, time to go."
-Thought I lost my "wallet," which at this point of the night was a Ziplock with credit cards and $2, at some afterparty at 4:30am, only to find said baggy was down by my ankle, trapped by the magical elastic sweatpants cuffs.
-Spilled a girls drink at the afterparty and then told her to fuck off because if I wasn't allowed to drink at said afterparty neither was she. Who says chivalry is dead?
Welp, that concludes this week's installment of the Sack-Up. Join me later this week for SDSU pregaming analysis, post-pregaming wrap-up and wallowing in sadness without Jersey Shore /tear.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Weekend Sack-Up: There's the Kyle Orton we all know and hate
I watched about five minutes of yesterday's game. If I wanted to watch a three-hour disaster where I knew the ending I would rather watch Titanic, because at least there are boobs in that. Denver missed the playoffs when they shit the bed against Washington and Oakland. Still, my futile effort was better than the one made by the Denver defense in getting reamed by the immortal Jamal Charles.
Oh, and Kyle Orton certainly dealt with the loss of Scheffler, Royal and Marshall by getting blacked out to the point that he thought Derrick Johnson was wearing blue and orange while channeling Cutty-Buddy.
All I know is the Broncos better vastly improve on both the offensive and defensive lines next season. You win games in the trenches and we got destroyed there like the French in WWII.
I also know that I am going to miss Brandon Marshall. He is a beast, but I see no way that he comes back. Hopefully we get some compensation for him. McDaniels needs to find us a QB.
Three years in a row we have blown the home finale with a playoff spot on the line. Fuck that shit.
I guess, based on the way the year started with McD pissing off everyone and alienating Cutler, this shouldn't have been a surprise, but after a 6-0 start this is still severely disappointing. At least I'm not a fan of a team that lost 9 straight to lose the season (oh wait. Thanks to CSU my football teams have combined for two wins in their last 17 games. WOOOOOO)
Oh, and if you expected pictures you can go fuck yourself. I'm pretty happy that I was able to make it out of bed today. If you hear of a slaughter of Chargers fans in the next couple of days, you should probably wipe this blog from your internet history, lest you be culpable somehow.
Nuggs: Chauncey and Melo out and the Nuggs at least pulled off one W. Get healthy, boys.
CSU Basketball: Beat the shit out of Yale. How Do You Like Them Apples? /Matt Damon movie. What, wrong school? All those Ivy League schools can go suck a dick anyway.
Also, if you are a CSU fan you need to check out Reaching the Peak, the CSU basketball reality TV show. It is on the MTN, but actually pretty well done. Timmy Miles cracks me up every time, especially his constant speculation about Jesse Carr's pelvis. (How is that for a teaser).
CSU Football: Joel Dreessen had his best NFL game ever for the Texans. Check out this shit:
Fort Morgan's Own
Too bad guys named Chris/Kris Brown combined to cost the Texans at least four games this year.
New Years and Club Shit: New Year's Eve at the club was actually very uneventful. The day before NYE was much more eventful. It was the night of the Holiday Bowl, so all sort of Nebraska and Arizona fans and players dropped by afterward. Ndakumognganga Suh was there as well. But the real highlight was my first semi-chokehold and kneedrop on some drunk asshole who tried to run away after getting into a fight and knocking over some shit.
The clapping wasn't necessary, but thank you.
New Years consisted of a really boring night watching amatures get way too hammered, but at the end of the night my bosses rented a party bus and a suite at a badass Sheridan that overlooked the bay. So while most of you assholes were passing out after getting cleared out from the bars, I was drinking free booze. All night and until the sun rose.
Then, as the sun was rising over the lovely Pacific Ocean, I took a cab to a bar that had opened at 6AM for 3$ U-Call-Its. I had a few Bloody Marys before finally heading home to pass out at 8:30AM. That is how New Year's is done.
Avalanche: Still rolling along at a pretty good pace. 18 games until the trade deadline, the Avs need to make a little push so they can add a couple of pieces at the deadline (I'm thinking a couple of veteran wingers who play good D while also being able to chip in a few goals.
Rockies: Miguel Olivo instead of Yorvitt. Not sure that is what I would call an upgrade. Hopefully Dreamy Iannetta hits above .220.
Tweets of the Week:
gilbertarenas: i guess everyone wants me to act like the rest of the nba twitters players...(i bought a shirt today from the mall)(practice was tough 2 day
-Yep, Gilbert began tweeting this week. I wonder why? Do they not let you tweet from jail?
Seriously, I'm sure it was just a joke gone awry, as he said. The man made a dumb decision, but he shouldn't be sent to jail, ala Chedder Plax. This shit will blow over, I hope. Because the man is Nick Cannon. Hil-Lar-E-Ous.
jimgaffigan: "I gotta feeling" that I'm gonna get really sick of that Black Eyed Peas song.
-I will stab Fergie if I ever see her, but she probably won't come back to SD after pissing her pants during Street Fest a few years ago.
Go Fuck Yourself: Every week I choose someone special to fuck off. This week, it is Fox:
Dear Fox,
You need to stop broadcasting college football. You are fucking awful. Just fucking pathetic. So go fuck yourselves.
You make me so angry while watching games that I yell at my father to put it on mute. Thom Brennamen and whatever other shitcunts that you have in the booth continue to call players the wrong name and only slurp the stars, because these games, only the biggest of the year, are probably the only games that they have watched all year. Plus, I get Jimmie fucking Johnson and other dickeared manginas telling me about the game, like that asshole has watched a college football game since he left Miami in 1988.
Plus, you have way to many fan and band shots. Instead of showing interesting stuff like replays or stats. Nope, I get 5000 shots of Potato-fucking clowns from Boise wearing TOTALLY RAD facepaint. And if you must show fans, show hot girls. Find a few, and just show them. I have been TCU, I know that there are only atractive girls everywhere. How your cameras kept zooming in on purple fatties I will never know. As for Boise, errr, well, put Ian Johnson's fiance at one of the 40 yard-lines and cut to her. I understand hot girls from Idaho are hard to find.
You finally found some hot TCU girls crying at the end, when it was far too late. I don't want to see crying hot girls, that is the time that I like the beautiful shots of the crying fatties and kids.
And please, bands are not to be shown up close. Show them from the fucking blimp, spelling out cool stuff on the field. Those fucking nerds are the dregs of humanity and have no business on my TV. If I was fortunate enough to have an HDTV I would have been forced to switch to the regular feed.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES
P.S. Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are so shitty that they influenced my hatred, without ever appearing on my TV screen.
This Week: I'm terrible at following the schedule I set, but you will get two Jersey Shore updates this week. Guido's honor. One from last week and one from Thursday's show. The Nuggets/NBA discussion will be moved back a week or so at least, it will just be a midseason report, not a 1/3 season.
Oh, and Kyle Orton certainly dealt with the loss of Scheffler, Royal and Marshall by getting blacked out to the point that he thought Derrick Johnson was wearing blue and orange while channeling Cutty-Buddy.
All I know is the Broncos better vastly improve on both the offensive and defensive lines next season. You win games in the trenches and we got destroyed there like the French in WWII.
I also know that I am going to miss Brandon Marshall. He is a beast, but I see no way that he comes back. Hopefully we get some compensation for him. McDaniels needs to find us a QB.
Three years in a row we have blown the home finale with a playoff spot on the line. Fuck that shit.
I guess, based on the way the year started with McD pissing off everyone and alienating Cutler, this shouldn't have been a surprise, but after a 6-0 start this is still severely disappointing. At least I'm not a fan of a team that lost 9 straight to lose the season (oh wait. Thanks to CSU my football teams have combined for two wins in their last 17 games. WOOOOOO)
Oh, and if you expected pictures you can go fuck yourself. I'm pretty happy that I was able to make it out of bed today. If you hear of a slaughter of Chargers fans in the next couple of days, you should probably wipe this blog from your internet history, lest you be culpable somehow.
Nuggs: Chauncey and Melo out and the Nuggs at least pulled off one W. Get healthy, boys.
CSU Basketball: Beat the shit out of Yale. How Do You Like Them Apples? /Matt Damon movie. What, wrong school? All those Ivy League schools can go suck a dick anyway.
Also, if you are a CSU fan you need to check out Reaching the Peak, the CSU basketball reality TV show. It is on the MTN, but actually pretty well done. Timmy Miles cracks me up every time, especially his constant speculation about Jesse Carr's pelvis. (How is that for a teaser).
CSU Football: Joel Dreessen had his best NFL game ever for the Texans. Check out this shit:
Fort Morgan's Own
Too bad guys named Chris/Kris Brown combined to cost the Texans at least four games this year.
New Years and Club Shit: New Year's Eve at the club was actually very uneventful. The day before NYE was much more eventful. It was the night of the Holiday Bowl, so all sort of Nebraska and Arizona fans and players dropped by afterward. Ndakumognganga Suh was there as well. But the real highlight was my first semi-chokehold and kneedrop on some drunk asshole who tried to run away after getting into a fight and knocking over some shit.
The clapping wasn't necessary, but thank you.
New Years consisted of a really boring night watching amatures get way too hammered, but at the end of the night my bosses rented a party bus and a suite at a badass Sheridan that overlooked the bay. So while most of you assholes were passing out after getting cleared out from the bars, I was drinking free booze. All night and until the sun rose.
Then, as the sun was rising over the lovely Pacific Ocean, I took a cab to a bar that had opened at 6AM for 3$ U-Call-Its. I had a few Bloody Marys before finally heading home to pass out at 8:30AM. That is how New Year's is done.
Avalanche: Still rolling along at a pretty good pace. 18 games until the trade deadline, the Avs need to make a little push so they can add a couple of pieces at the deadline (I'm thinking a couple of veteran wingers who play good D while also being able to chip in a few goals.
Rockies: Miguel Olivo instead of Yorvitt. Not sure that is what I would call an upgrade. Hopefully Dreamy Iannetta hits above .220.
Tweets of the Week:
gilbertarenas: i guess everyone wants me to act like the rest of the nba twitters players...(i bought a shirt today from the mall)(practice was tough 2 day
-Yep, Gilbert began tweeting this week. I wonder why? Do they not let you tweet from jail?
Seriously, I'm sure it was just a joke gone awry, as he said. The man made a dumb decision, but he shouldn't be sent to jail, ala Chedder Plax. This shit will blow over, I hope. Because the man is Nick Cannon. Hil-Lar-E-Ous.
jimgaffigan: "I gotta feeling" that I'm gonna get really sick of that Black Eyed Peas song.
-I will stab Fergie if I ever see her, but she probably won't come back to SD after pissing her pants during Street Fest a few years ago.
Go Fuck Yourself: Every week I choose someone special to fuck off. This week, it is Fox:
Dear Fox,
You need to stop broadcasting college football. You are fucking awful. Just fucking pathetic. So go fuck yourselves.
You make me so angry while watching games that I yell at my father to put it on mute. Thom Brennamen and whatever other shitcunts that you have in the booth continue to call players the wrong name and only slurp the stars, because these games, only the biggest of the year, are probably the only games that they have watched all year. Plus, I get Jimmie fucking Johnson and other dickeared manginas telling me about the game, like that asshole has watched a college football game since he left Miami in 1988.
Plus, you have way to many fan and band shots. Instead of showing interesting stuff like replays or stats. Nope, I get 5000 shots of Potato-fucking clowns from Boise wearing TOTALLY RAD facepaint. And if you must show fans, show hot girls. Find a few, and just show them. I have been TCU, I know that there are only atractive girls everywhere. How your cameras kept zooming in on purple fatties I will never know. As for Boise, errr, well, put Ian Johnson's fiance at one of the 40 yard-lines and cut to her. I understand hot girls from Idaho are hard to find.
You finally found some hot TCU girls crying at the end, when it was far too late. I don't want to see crying hot girls, that is the time that I like the beautiful shots of the crying fatties and kids.
And please, bands are not to be shown up close. Show them from the fucking blimp, spelling out cool stuff on the field. Those fucking nerds are the dregs of humanity and have no business on my TV. If I was fortunate enough to have an HDTV I would have been forced to switch to the regular feed.
GO FUCK YOURSELVES
P.S. Troy Aikman and Joe Buck are so shitty that they influenced my hatred, without ever appearing on my TV screen.
This Week: I'm terrible at following the schedule I set, but you will get two Jersey Shore updates this week. Guido's honor. One from last week and one from Thursday's show. The Nuggets/NBA discussion will be moved back a week or so at least, it will just be a midseason report, not a 1/3 season.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Weekend Sack-Up: A Charlie Brown Christmas
Yes, that above picture is pretty much what the Broncos have done to me in each of the last three years. Look at how professional it is.
I should have know better. I should just stop watching, like my parents have (they went whale watching, didn't see one, and still had a better day than me). I even told Boyle that they were going to make it close and then break my heart. Just like I called it last week. Yet they keep pulling me back. Next week I will wake up to watch the early games, convince myself the Broncos have a chance, only to get kicked in the gut at the last possible instant. I should try heroin, as it might be far easier to catch the dragon than be happy with the Broncos.
-Edy pointed out on his Tweeter page that the Broncos defensive celebration is pretty much "N-gga's gotta eat," and Darrell Reid's Twitter seconds that notion. This was the best moment of the game, as he celebrates the fumble he forced that allowed Denver back into the game. I take special pride in the fact that I Tweeted: "Fumble on the kickoff. I'm callin it" only to have it happen just seconds later. I really am Nostradamus.
(Alternate caption was something akin to "Look at my JFK Jr. impression", but I couldn't actually go there. See, I do have a bit of a moral compass. Plus it isn't really current. I'm glad there haven't been any plane crashes lately)
(I wish Twitter would pay me five bucks per mention)
-Yeah, and then this happened. The Savaged joke is due to the fact that the punter's name is Sav Rocca. What a great porn name.
-Excuses are for assholes, and I am an asshole, so:
1. For at least the second straight game, the Broncos opponent wasn't called for one holding penalty. Wicked awesome. And then, with the Broncos pinned deep and the season on the line, the refs threw two flags for holding on the Broncos. Justified, yes, but I am sure the Eagles held at least once.
2. Questionable penalties on Champ and Wesley Woodyard (even Fuckwad Simms Sr. said he didn't see a thing) kept alive an Eagles drive, that gave them their only TD in the second half.
3. There was that little rape that kinda pissed Stokes off
4. And then they tossed him for barely slapping a ref's pinkie.
5. Why did the clock stop after Orton's run with 1:50 left in the game? The Eagles declined the penalty and didn't take a time out. Should have been about 1:10 left when the Broncos punted. Not really a big deal, but the refs were fucking up all day long. Glad the Broncos got a marquee crew.
-This game should be another example of why going for it on fourth down is good. Denver has a 4-and-4ish on there own 13. DeSean Jackson is a great returner. Mitch Berger sucks my balls. Why don't the Broncos go for it? Even changing the field 40 yards in that situation barely takes the Eagles out of field goal range. Giving them the ball at the 45 or the 15 isn't much of a difference with 1:50 left.
It may actually have improved the Denver situation, as you basically have four outcomes after the 3rd down play:
1) What happened.
2) Denver punts and the Eagles take over at midfield. Denver stops them and the game goes to OT.
3) Denver goes for it, gets the first down and then is able to keep control of the clock/drive for a score.
4) Eagles get the ball, in field goal range. Eagles probably don't do anything much on offense, just run it three times and kick a field goal. Denver gets the ball back after the kickoff with about a minute left.
We know the offense has the upper hand in the NFL, so I would rather take my shot at picking up four yards rather than give Donovan McNabb the chance to pick up about 10 yards.
On one hand you have: A) a decent actor who is a woman-beater, drug-abuser, adulterer, child-porn loving asshole who made me feel sympathy for retarded Denise Richards by leaving her a voicemail threatening to kill her and calling her the N-bomb illogically, or: B) the best golfer in the world who happened to bang everything that moved and killed a fire hydrant.
Seems the obvious choice to sell me underpants is option A. I would never want to buy a razor because of that other asshole. AMERICA you need to figure your shit out.
Avalanche: While the Broncos consistently kick me in the taint, the Avs are as annoyingly bi-polar. They kick ass one night, then blow a two-goal lead in the last 10 minutes of regulation, then come back to kick ass again. Still, they are first in the division, which is pretty damn unexpected. Chris Stewart is killin' it. And he is black. So guess who my new favorite player is? Fooled ya. It is still Matty Duchene, but Stewie's awesomeness has been crucial for the Avs in the last 20 games.
Nuggets: Not really a big fan of what they have been up to. JR finally going off is nice, but the fact that Chauncey is banged up makes me worry. We need to get another big man as well. More to come soon when I discuss the first-1/3 of the NBA season with the Ice Cream Edy.
Go Fuck Yourself: I'm going to try to add this in every week. I am going to tell someone to fuck off. This week, it is Stan Van Gundy:
Hey Stan,
Remember when you bitched about the NBA playing games on Christmas. You actually said:
"I actually feel sorry for people who have nothing to do on Christmas Day other than watch an NBA game."Well, go fuck yourself. Most of us are sick of talking to our families and need something to fill the awkward gaps. Like when I don't know what to say to my soon-to-be step Grandma, you know what fills the gap? Screaming at Kobe.
So sad you didn't get to spend time with your family like you wanted to, but you probably should have thought of your family before you signed up to coach in a sport where you play 82 FUCKING regular season games a year. By the way, Stan, you make millions. You can afford to have Christmas like 30 times a year.
Like any NBA players want to have Christmas off anyway. They would be like Vince Vaughn and Reece Witherspoon in 4 Christmases. Which illegitimate family are they going to choose? Isiah Jr.'s baby momma or Isiah II? Like they want to see Taneshwa again so she can serve them more paternity papers? No way. They can't be in Harlem, San Diego and Houston in the same day. There are greater odds that an NBA player will be in the same town with his child IF they are sent on the road.
GO FUCK YOURSELF
P.S. You look like Ron Jeremy.
Colorado State: Covered in my previous pregaming post. Let's beat some Fresno ass like we are in New Mexico, ya dig?
Joel Dreessen balled out for the
Tweet of the Week: The Mike Donovan: "A horse finished second in the voting for AP female athlete of the year! A horse! Congrats Serena you beat a friggin horse."
In Da Club: Not too much going down. Some fool from the Nebraska coaching staff offered me tickets to the Holliday Bowl to sneak into the club. I have to work that night, so no dice for him. Apparently we always charge $50 a head when busy. That is mucho dinero.
New Year's Eve should be awful fun. Awful in that it will be redonkulessly busy with shit shows all over. Fun in that I expect someone to offer me hundreds of dollars to come in.
As well, my boss says that I should basically expect to get raped by drunken girls. Which, depending on the situation and looks of the girl, could range wildly on the enjoyment scale. Whether or not you care, I will share.
This Week: NBA update with Edy and hopefully some new Jersey Shore action.
Shout-out: To Kilometers, for his awesome birthday gift that I finally put into action. The African-American Heritage Game for Kids is now an awesome drinking game. Boyle and I put our heads together and drunkeness exploded. Bong couldn't handle the punishment and spent this morning imitating a dragon.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Pregaming Post-Analysis: UCLA
I was able to make a quick trip up to the City of Angels last week to watch CSU choke against UCLA. Which was a bummer. But I salvaged the trip by getting drunk and spreading my reputation as the Greatest Drunken Athlete of All-Time. Here are some quick highlights of trip and some ideas if you plan on ever pregaming there.
Before this trip all I knew about UCLA was from sports and Facebook stalking the one girl from the Dale who went there. Now, having spent less than 24 hours there while the school is out on Christmas break, I am pretty much an expert.
-There are a whole lot of Asians. Which was fitting, because the only CSU person still in LA was the Azn, and I was meeting up with her.
-Here is a revelation no one has ever had: LA traffic sucks. The 405 blows. I sat on it for quite a while. I would suggest avoiding it, if possible. Might be quicker to circumvent the world in the other direction.
-When it gets dark in LA, I get lost really easily. One time Kilometers and Mr. No-Longer-Invited drove around in circles trying to find Occidental. I did this again while trying to get back to UCLA while on a beer run.
-Obviously I am a God amongst mortals when it comes to drinking games, but even I was surprised at how impressive I was at Beruit after not playing it since very early September. In my first game I made five straight cups in rebuttal, and then all three in overtime. Probably my greatest individual beer pong comeback. Somewhere John Elway-God looked on from above and smiled. The fact that my performance came against some frat boys made me even happier.
-UCLA sucks this year at basketball, yet they still wanted to charge $40 a ticket. Go fuck your own nostrils. We ended up bribing a security guard to let four people in for $40 total. There were probably 30 CSU fans there, and 8,000 UCLA ones.
-I was also thoroughly unimpressed with Pauley Pavillion. Semi-Mobyish with a lot less goofy charm. A little more claustrophobic, except on one end where they have no stands behind the basket for like 30 feet. It was strange, and almost high schoolish. Every other facility at UCLA was fucking amazing. I wandered around for a while and the tennis courts almost made me want to wear some fagtastic Capri pants and mimic that little Spanish fruit Rafa Nadal. ALMOST.
-CSU was in control of the game, but UCLA remembered who they were and asserted dominance while CSU panicked. It was too bad, as I could have one day told my grandkids about the time I watched CSU's basketball teams beat the great UCLA Bruins. I'll probably just lie and say I was starting center for the Rams.
-You can drink alcohol at UCLA football games, but I don't think so at basketball games. But UCLA also plays games at the Rose Bowl, not on campus.
-We pregamed at the Sigma Nu frat house. There were five people there total. It houses about 40 normally. Would be a fun house to party and pregame at for a big basketball game, as it has some big rooms and even a semi-basketball court in it's courtyard. I guess Andrew Bynum crashed a party there a couple years ago.
-I looked at a few composites of the classes, ranging from 1982ish-now, and while some years were missing, and I didn't look that closely, I noticed that until about 1995 the pictures were almost all white (some white people with hispanish names). To counteract, of the three people left while I visited, there was one whitey, one Polynesian and one Arabic person. To reinforce stereotypes, the whitey went to bed and the other two played videogames.
What did I learn: UCLA probably isn't the biggest party school, I'm still cool, I need an Iphone for directions and if possibliy racist frats can change, so can I. Or something.
Before this trip all I knew about UCLA was from sports and Facebook stalking the one girl from the Dale who went there. Now, having spent less than 24 hours there while the school is out on Christmas break, I am pretty much an expert.
-There are a whole lot of Asians. Which was fitting, because the only CSU person still in LA was the Azn, and I was meeting up with her.
-Here is a revelation no one has ever had: LA traffic sucks. The 405 blows. I sat on it for quite a while. I would suggest avoiding it, if possible. Might be quicker to circumvent the world in the other direction.
-When it gets dark in LA, I get lost really easily. One time Kilometers and Mr. No-Longer-Invited drove around in circles trying to find Occidental. I did this again while trying to get back to UCLA while on a beer run.
-Obviously I am a God amongst mortals when it comes to drinking games, but even I was surprised at how impressive I was at Beruit after not playing it since very early September. In my first game I made five straight cups in rebuttal, and then all three in overtime. Probably my greatest individual beer pong comeback. Somewhere John Elway-God looked on from above and smiled. The fact that my performance came against some frat boys made me even happier.
-UCLA sucks this year at basketball, yet they still wanted to charge $40 a ticket. Go fuck your own nostrils. We ended up bribing a security guard to let four people in for $40 total. There were probably 30 CSU fans there, and 8,000 UCLA ones.
-I was also thoroughly unimpressed with Pauley Pavillion. Semi-Mobyish with a lot less goofy charm. A little more claustrophobic, except on one end where they have no stands behind the basket for like 30 feet. It was strange, and almost high schoolish. Every other facility at UCLA was fucking amazing. I wandered around for a while and the tennis courts almost made me want to wear some fagtastic Capri pants and mimic that little Spanish fruit Rafa Nadal. ALMOST.
-CSU was in control of the game, but UCLA remembered who they were and asserted dominance while CSU panicked. It was too bad, as I could have one day told my grandkids about the time I watched CSU's basketball teams beat the great UCLA Bruins. I'll probably just lie and say I was starting center for the Rams.
-You can drink alcohol at UCLA football games, but I don't think so at basketball games. But UCLA also plays games at the Rose Bowl, not on campus.
-We pregamed at the Sigma Nu frat house. There were five people there total. It houses about 40 normally. Would be a fun house to party and pregame at for a big basketball game, as it has some big rooms and even a semi-basketball court in it's courtyard. I guess Andrew Bynum crashed a party there a couple years ago.
-I looked at a few composites of the classes, ranging from 1982ish-now, and while some years were missing, and I didn't look that closely, I noticed that until about 1995 the pictures were almost all white (some white people with hispanish names). To counteract, of the three people left while I visited, there was one whitey, one Polynesian and one Arabic person. To reinforce stereotypes, the whitey went to bed and the other two played videogames.
What did I learn: UCLA probably isn't the biggest party school, I'm still cool, I need an Iphone for directions and if possibliy racist frats can change, so can I. Or something.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The Weekend Sack-Up: See, winning is better
Forgive me, it has been almost a week without me posting my hilarious pictures and rants (you didn't even notice. Well fuck you, buddy).
It was a big week around the Colorado sports scene, as pretty much everything went well. The only big loss was CSU basketball at UNC, but the Tar Heels are number one in that nation (What's that, Northern Colorado? I refuse to acknowledge such a crazy claim).
Broncos:
Two concerns: 1) Was Bumbles Orton spiking his Gatorade with Jack? Because he was fumblin' and bumblin' like a Keith Jackson wet dream.
2) If KC got some WR open on busted coverages, how open will Piere-Marc-Andre Fluery-Garcon be next week (so help me Joseph Smith's Norwegian Jesus if Austin "Lassie" Collie catches a TD).
Fortunately the Broncos were saved from some embarrassing scores by one man today:
Hmmm, I'm kinda glad we didn't trade for THAT guy.
-Brodie Croyle is the exact opposite of a victory cigar.
Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.
-Man, the Chiefs really decided to just hand the game to Denver in the third quarter, especially.
Then again, with the Broncos super special team play thus far against Native American teams, anything could have happened (see; Redskins, Washington).
-The guy in charge of the Chiefs, Todd Haley, is really a raging cunt. I am surprised he didn't murder a back-up today.
I wonder if Redface is as racist as Blackface?
And why?
Nasty N, it is your job to come up with the appropriate inappropriate jokes for these. It really is your purpose here on Earth.
Nuggets: Busted those bitch ass Spurs up. Didn't lose to the T-Wolves. Good week.
Below is a brilliant video brought to my attention by @tjedy:
What a fucking Princess.
Tweets of the week:
Lance Moorman: "Jacked some asshole who tried to reach in my pockets... I hope your broken nose feels good you ignorant fuck."
And people ask me why I'm on Twitter. This gives me hope one of the many SD hobos will accost me and some point and allow me to haul off and smack a bitch.
Club Trillion: Al Michaels on Jared Allen: "Sooner or later #69 will be in your face." Sometimes it's just too easy.
Honorable Mention: Black Prez: Vicks TD Pass got me kinda teary eyed... So happy...
Avs: An up and down week, but the two goal comeback in the last 50 seconds against Florida to save a point was huge. Hopefully Anderson isn't out too long. But my by Duchene keeps scoring. Matty Ice, baby.
CSU Rams: Besides the blemish against a better-than-they-should-be UNC team, the Rams defeated in-state "Rival" Denver. 5-3 is a pretty good start. Now it is time to fuck up CU and attempt to complete the sweep in every sport that I care about (fb, vb, m&wbb). Wear white if you are in Fort Collins Thursday. For purity of race. Wait, that isn't right. Just because we have one of the least diverse schools in the country doesn't mean we have to show off, right?
Rockies: There are rumors you assholes are gonna bring back Jamie Carroll. This cannot be true and I might renounce my fandom if he comes back. If he and (name redacted) share the 2B role I might just start stabbing random people on the street, or mail bombs around the country in a pattern that resembles a lazy pop out to right center field. YOU MADE ME DO THIS!
Other sports news: Teboner- If I was a worldly fellow like Tim Tebow, I would have seen some stuff that shows me what is really important in life. I used to be a bitch who cried about shit like sports, but then I dealt with real life losses I stopped. I'm sorry, but they should take away his old fucking Heisman for that routine. Adam Morrison-esque, it was.
The Saints- I am so proud of myself for picking Robert Meachem off the scrap heap in fantasy. Best maneuver ever. The early games at the bar where perfect, shit was going crazy all morning long.
The Vikings- Will lose in the playoffs when Brad Childress calls 50 passes for Brettard Favre and doesn't give Purple Jesus the ball.
TCU vs. Boise- They should just mutually agree to not even play. I have dubbed it the Glass Ceiling Bowl. Mike Donovan had this to say: "TCU/Boise St. What a crock. What a lose-lose for both teams. The JV National Championship or the Separate But Equal Bowl." He said it first, but it is my blog so I go first here. No journalistic integrity on this site, buddy.
Happy Hollidays: Oh, it is Christmas season now so I send you off with this lovely ditty.
It was a big week around the Colorado sports scene, as pretty much everything went well. The only big loss was CSU basketball at UNC, but the Tar Heels are number one in that nation (What's that, Northern Colorado? I refuse to acknowledge such a crazy claim).
Broncos:
Two concerns: 1) Was Bumbles Orton spiking his Gatorade with Jack? Because he was fumblin' and bumblin' like a Keith Jackson wet dream.
2) If KC got some WR open on busted coverages, how open will Piere-Marc-Andre Fluery-Garcon be next week (so help me Joseph Smith's Norwegian Jesus if Austin "Lassie" Collie catches a TD).
Fortunately the Broncos were saved from some embarrassing scores by one man today:
-Everybody remembers that kid from Little Giants, who couldn't catch and got his hands stuck together with Stick 'Em. I never knew that kid was actually Bobby Wade. Certainly made more of himself than Devon Sawa or even IceBox (I wonder when Simmons will do a "What If" on her).
-Remember what started that whole J-Cunty debacle. It was trying to trade for Matt Cassel:
-Brodie Croyle is the exact opposite of a victory cigar.
-Man, the Chiefs really decided to just hand the game to Denver in the third quarter, especially.
-The guy in charge of the Chiefs, Todd Haley, is really a raging cunt. I am surprised he didn't murder a back-up today.
-So many jokes about this, but really all I can ask is why?
And why?
Nuggets: Busted those bitch ass Spurs up. Didn't lose to the T-Wolves. Good week.
Below is a brilliant video brought to my attention by @tjedy:
What a fucking Princess.
Tweets of the week:
Lance Moorman: "Jacked some asshole who tried to reach in my pockets... I hope your broken nose feels good you ignorant fuck."
And people ask me why I'm on Twitter. This gives me hope one of the many SD hobos will accost me and some point and allow me to haul off and smack a bitch.
Club Trillion: Al Michaels on Jared Allen: "Sooner or later #69 will be in your face." Sometimes it's just too easy.
Honorable Mention: Black Prez: Vicks TD Pass got me kinda teary eyed... So happy...
Avs: An up and down week, but the two goal comeback in the last 50 seconds against Florida to save a point was huge. Hopefully Anderson isn't out too long. But my by Duchene keeps scoring. Matty Ice, baby.
CSU Rams: Besides the blemish against a better-than-they-should-be UNC team, the Rams defeated in-state "Rival" Denver. 5-3 is a pretty good start. Now it is time to fuck up CU and attempt to complete the sweep in every sport that I care about (fb, vb, m&wbb). Wear white if you are in Fort Collins Thursday. For purity of race. Wait, that isn't right. Just because we have one of the least diverse schools in the country doesn't mean we have to show off, right?
Rockies: There are rumors you assholes are gonna bring back Jamie Carroll. This cannot be true and I might renounce my fandom if he comes back. If he and (name redacted) share the 2B role I might just start stabbing random people on the street, or mail bombs around the country in a pattern that resembles a lazy pop out to right center field. YOU MADE ME DO THIS!
Other sports news: Teboner- If I was a worldly fellow like Tim Tebow, I would have seen some stuff that shows me what is really important in life. I used to be a bitch who cried about shit like sports, but then I dealt with real life losses I stopped. I'm sorry, but they should take away his old fucking Heisman for that routine. Adam Morrison-esque, it was.
The Saints- I am so proud of myself for picking Robert Meachem off the scrap heap in fantasy. Best maneuver ever. The early games at the bar where perfect, shit was going crazy all morning long.
The Vikings- Will lose in the playoffs when Brad Childress calls 50 passes for Brettard Favre and doesn't give Purple Jesus the ball.
TCU vs. Boise- They should just mutually agree to not even play. I have dubbed it the Glass Ceiling Bowl. Mike Donovan had this to say: "TCU/Boise St. What a crock. What a lose-lose for both teams. The JV National Championship or the Separate But Equal Bowl." He said it first, but it is my blog so I go first here. No journalistic integrity on this site, buddy.
Happy Hollidays: Oh, it is Christmas season now so I send you off with this lovely ditty.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Weekend Sack-Up: Things that make you say HMMMMM?
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sports: I Give Thanks
As I pointed out in my splendidly narcissistic post about why I can't sleep, sports are my escape from the problems/issues in the real world that make me restless. Even though I spend much of the space in this blog trashing on teams/people and focusing on the suck (especially lately), I love sports. So, as a prelude to Thanksgiving, I will be filling this blog post with videos and websites about sports that I love.
If you are bored (especially at a job where they haven't blocked Youtube yet) this should keep you entertained for quite a while. Yep, this all makes me very happy. I don't even care that this took me hours, searching Youtube and watching all sorts of random shit.Happy thanksgiving, and please post any videos you love here or on my wall. Enjoy:
John Elway: John Elway leading the drive. I still own this video, and the 1986 "Mile High Champions" videotape, and I nearly wore both out watching them every Saturday and Sunday growing up. John Elway was my first true love and I always ask WWJED (What Would John Elway Do=Procrastination). I know Elway has been kind of dick in his personal life (and to Mr. Moorman, a story I may ask him to post on here sometime), but I don't care. Jesus had his share of problems, and he has done alright for himself.
Brace for a blog explaining the Church of Elway (aka Elwayology).
Christianity has Jesus on a cross, Elwayology has John leaping in between two Packers.
Gilbert Arenas: Best game-winning shot ever. Raising the arms before it even drops. I love me some Melo and JR, but that is just bad ass.
But that is not all that makes Gil great. There was the blog, which was just fantastic. Even while struggling through injury, he was entertaining. At the beginning of this season he was being surly and trying to avoid talking to the media, thinking it would help him focus. It didn't work, and it just wasn't Gilbert. Then this happened:
Agent Zero Pilot from Gilbert Arenas vs Agent Zero on Vimeo.
What other NBA player would do this? Not many, as they, or the people that run their lives, are too image conscious.
DeShawn Stevenson: "I watch gangster flicks and root for the bad guy, turn it off before it end because the bad guy die." -50 Cent. That is how I feel about my boy DeShawn. He is crazy. Insane in the membrane, but he captivates me.
I really fell in love after watching this video, with him and Gilbert betting thousands of dollars against each other in a post-practice 3-point shootout. Gil shot one-handed from college range, D-Steve regular from NBA range. NBA players from every team may do this, but it seems like the Wizards are the only ones who would have it filmed, thanks to Dan Steinberg at the DC Sports Bog and Bullets Forever. I need to make this blog as awesome as those.
Colorado State: When I feel really down about CSU sports I have a few videos I love to watch, especially this one.
And this one:
And I always enjoy Robert Herbert fucking bitches up. Oh what could have been if he didn't steal credit cards.
A little D.A.:
Eric Berry: All I want is Eric Berry to be a Bronco next year. Trade everyone for him, I don't care.
Hockey Fights: Red Wings-Avs, the best rivalry I have ever seen. If I ever meet Darren McCarty I am buying him a drink. Why? So that alcoholic motherfucker falls off the wagon. What a flamboyant cheap pussy. Oh, but what entertainment.
I love Roy kicking Vernon's ass.
This one is good too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0alqGVE9ipg
Joe Sakic's lone fight. "How do you like them apples, Gilmore."
Oh, Phadouche:
Peter Forsberg: Man he was good.
For more Avalanche love, go to Mile High Hockey.
Best Commercial Ever?
Fernando Torres: Just watching this video made me go out and play a few games of FIFA.
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Weekend Sack-Up: This keeps getting better and better...
(No pictures, I am too damn pissed to do that much work)
Am I trapped in a movie? A stupid, slackstick comedy, where I am in the Belly of the Whale stage (Sophomore Core ftw) and I ponder aloud "Could this get any worse?" only to have a piano fall and crush my car or some shit. Because it sure feels like it. It seems like yesterday CSU was killin' it, the Broncos were the tits, the Avs were cherry, the Rocks were epic and the Nuggs were mint (80s slang factor +1). Now, everything smells like taint and I don't want to look. The Nuggets only look good, but even they lost to the shitty LA team. What the fuck?
It is very nice that it is Thanksgiving and I will be with family all week (in lovely Sedona, Arizona) or else it might be wise for one of my readers to alert some mental health experts to check on me (Sedona is actually my aliby, as I will be hunting down both starting quarterbacks in today's game. SHHHH. I've got Marmalard in my sights, he is taunting a child whose balloon popped). Seriously, shit is falling apart. I don't like it. We will go from worst to somewhat marginal as I grasp for silver linings:
CSU: CSU is so bad we aren't even inventing new ways to lose, we are being lazy and making knockoffs of 2006/07. This weekend's game against New Mexico was a carbon copy of the 2007 loss to New Mexico. Is there hope against Wyoming? I guess, but this Rams team just refuses to win. There are some bright spots for next season, as several young players made some big plays, but if CSU can't find a quarterback by next season it won't matter. Steve Fairchild and this team have gone from the Penthouse to the outhouse in just 8 games, and he better figure some shit out this offseason or he may not make it to year 4. I have been disapointed to be a CSU fan often, it goes with the territory, but this loss makes me embarrased.
Usually I have laid the blame on the fact that CSU was out-manned, but in this game the coaching staff didn't help at all. The staff didn't take a timeout with about 45 seconds left as New Mexico was obviously trying to set up for a field goal, allowing them to run the clock down to 15 seconds. Why not take the timeouts? We ran out of time in that game with one timeout in our pocket. At least it would have made New Mexico run another play, and as we saw against Weber State, sometimes one play can make a huge difference. I advocated a change from Sonny because too often his staff fucked up games like this, and last season this staff was aggressive and found ways to win. This season the team has regressed to the exact same place as 2007. I now wonder if we would have been in a better place by just keeping Sonny and skipping all the drama. This sucks.
The worst was the fact that the Rams could have stolen a win twice, when New Mexico muffed the CSU punt, only to have the lone Lobo in the area steal the ball from about six Rams and when CSU gave up the easiest 4th-and-3 ever on the final drive. Besides Sisson, Oppeneer and sometimes Elijah Blu-Smith, it seems no Rams defenders have the ability to make a big play. Weak. Jon Mosure's fumble was also terribily costly.
Broncos: The only reason this isn't the worst is that this game was fucked up from the start. It was just one of those games where everything that could go wrong, did.
-The Broncos had to start a back-up QB, when our starter isn't even that good.
-That back-up fumbled on his first drop back, killing all our early momentum.
-I am convinced that Knowshon scored before that fumble. He hit the gaurd's knee with the ball, and the guard's knee was in the end zone/on the goal line. Why the NFL doesn't have camera's on both goallines? I have asked this before and I will until it happens. The league makes billions and can't figure this out. This play was so crucial, and yet I saw two angles of it, none which made it very clear.
-Prior to the Broncos lone points, on third down Eddie Royal was held in his route and Merriman dove at an injured Kyle Orton's legs. That should have been two penalties, instead none were called. The Chargers only had one penalty called on them all game (two were nullified by calls on the Broncos as well), while the Broncos had 9. An entire NFL game and only three violations? Dubious, if you ask me.
-The Broncos didn't seem to bring much pressure and I have no clue why. Are we that scared of Phillip River's deep lobs that we won't rush. It was the key to the game last time and we sat back and let him pick us apart.
-The onside kick was baller, minus the Broncos failing to jump on the football. McD realized that it was now or never for the Broncos to grab some momentum and he risked it all. It failed, but I liked the gamble. I would rather get stomped 32-3 and have pulled everything out of the bag than to lose like 20-3 by taking the conventional NFL Head Coach route of deficit moderation.
-I'm really glad I'm not working this week or else I might stab my boss.
In da club: It was a very busy week, but nothing matched last week in the wierd category. Craziest thing was when some girl rubbed/grabbed the butt of one of our Gogo dancers (who may be dating Owen Wilson, if rumors are to be trusted). I usually am cool with girl-on-girl action, but everyone knows you don't touch the dancers. Sadly I was unable to break my choke-hold virginity on a girl, but I did have to escort her out.
Thursday I went into work and was told to post up six feet from a pole with three award winning pole dancers taking turns for about an hour-and-a-half. It really is a tough job. In order not to stare at them I also placed myself so that I could see them in the reflection of a mirror, thus I looked like I was scanning the crowd while I just kept watching. Sometimes I am smart.
Avalanche: Taking a page out of the CSU playbook by blowing leads late in the game. Not good. I want a reason to be able to watch hockey in March and April (or at least complain to Direct TV that I don't have VS). Please get your shit figured out.
-Matty Duchene is starting to score on the reg (/Kenny Powers). This makes me so happy. The kid is fucking awesome and he will be a star sooner rather than later.
Tweet of the week: (follow MessiahThaDon) A tie this week between QBs traded for each other:
KingNeckbeard: Coach says i'm too drunk to start... What a flaming pile of horseshit! I only got this drunk so my ankle wouldn't hurt fuckface!
NotJayCutler : Watching Chris Simms throw is like watching Mozart paint.
Nuggets: The fucking Clippers? Without the Black Ginger. Fuck me. At least you righted your shit and beat those bitch ass Bulls.
-JR is blowing kisses to the crowd and that makes me happy.
-Birdman may be getting back to decent. I thought we were gonna have to start dolling out the coke to get him all excited again.
Rockies: Guess who is not on the 40-man roster? Yorvit. YEEEEESSSSSS. Sign that motherfucker next September, but until then keep his .200 average and spaghetti arm out of Coors.
Coming up this week: To counteract all this negativity, I will fill a post of many of the people, websites and videos that make me love sports. Ya know, it is Thanksgiving week. Then a Pregaming edition for Wyoming, which will involve me trying to recount my Border War blackout last year.
Am I trapped in a movie? A stupid, slackstick comedy, where I am in the Belly of the Whale stage (Sophomore Core ftw) and I ponder aloud "Could this get any worse?" only to have a piano fall and crush my car or some shit. Because it sure feels like it. It seems like yesterday CSU was killin' it, the Broncos were the tits, the Avs were cherry, the Rocks were epic and the Nuggs were mint (80s slang factor +1). Now, everything smells like taint and I don't want to look. The Nuggets only look good, but even they lost to the shitty LA team. What the fuck?
It is very nice that it is Thanksgiving and I will be with family all week (in lovely Sedona, Arizona) or else it might be wise for one of my readers to alert some mental health experts to check on me (Sedona is actually my aliby, as I will be hunting down both starting quarterbacks in today's game. SHHHH. I've got Marmalard in my sights, he is taunting a child whose balloon popped). Seriously, shit is falling apart. I don't like it. We will go from worst to somewhat marginal as I grasp for silver linings:
CSU: CSU is so bad we aren't even inventing new ways to lose, we are being lazy and making knockoffs of 2006/07. This weekend's game against New Mexico was a carbon copy of the 2007 loss to New Mexico. Is there hope against Wyoming? I guess, but this Rams team just refuses to win. There are some bright spots for next season, as several young players made some big plays, but if CSU can't find a quarterback by next season it won't matter. Steve Fairchild and this team have gone from the Penthouse to the outhouse in just 8 games, and he better figure some shit out this offseason or he may not make it to year 4. I have been disapointed to be a CSU fan often, it goes with the territory, but this loss makes me embarrased.
Usually I have laid the blame on the fact that CSU was out-manned, but in this game the coaching staff didn't help at all. The staff didn't take a timeout with about 45 seconds left as New Mexico was obviously trying to set up for a field goal, allowing them to run the clock down to 15 seconds. Why not take the timeouts? We ran out of time in that game with one timeout in our pocket. At least it would have made New Mexico run another play, and as we saw against Weber State, sometimes one play can make a huge difference. I advocated a change from Sonny because too often his staff fucked up games like this, and last season this staff was aggressive and found ways to win. This season the team has regressed to the exact same place as 2007. I now wonder if we would have been in a better place by just keeping Sonny and skipping all the drama. This sucks.
The worst was the fact that the Rams could have stolen a win twice, when New Mexico muffed the CSU punt, only to have the lone Lobo in the area steal the ball from about six Rams and when CSU gave up the easiest 4th-and-3 ever on the final drive. Besides Sisson, Oppeneer and sometimes Elijah Blu-Smith, it seems no Rams defenders have the ability to make a big play. Weak. Jon Mosure's fumble was also terribily costly.
Broncos: The only reason this isn't the worst is that this game was fucked up from the start. It was just one of those games where everything that could go wrong, did.
-The Broncos had to start a back-up QB, when our starter isn't even that good.
-That back-up fumbled on his first drop back, killing all our early momentum.
-I am convinced that Knowshon scored before that fumble. He hit the gaurd's knee with the ball, and the guard's knee was in the end zone/on the goal line. Why the NFL doesn't have camera's on both goallines? I have asked this before and I will until it happens. The league makes billions and can't figure this out. This play was so crucial, and yet I saw two angles of it, none which made it very clear.
-Prior to the Broncos lone points, on third down Eddie Royal was held in his route and Merriman dove at an injured Kyle Orton's legs. That should have been two penalties, instead none were called. The Chargers only had one penalty called on them all game (two were nullified by calls on the Broncos as well), while the Broncos had 9. An entire NFL game and only three violations? Dubious, if you ask me.
-The Broncos didn't seem to bring much pressure and I have no clue why. Are we that scared of Phillip River's deep lobs that we won't rush. It was the key to the game last time and we sat back and let him pick us apart.
-The onside kick was baller, minus the Broncos failing to jump on the football. McD realized that it was now or never for the Broncos to grab some momentum and he risked it all. It failed, but I liked the gamble. I would rather get stomped 32-3 and have pulled everything out of the bag than to lose like 20-3 by taking the conventional NFL Head Coach route of deficit moderation.
-I'm really glad I'm not working this week or else I might stab my boss.
In da club: It was a very busy week, but nothing matched last week in the wierd category. Craziest thing was when some girl rubbed/grabbed the butt of one of our Gogo dancers (who may be dating Owen Wilson, if rumors are to be trusted). I usually am cool with girl-on-girl action, but everyone knows you don't touch the dancers. Sadly I was unable to break my choke-hold virginity on a girl, but I did have to escort her out.
Thursday I went into work and was told to post up six feet from a pole with three award winning pole dancers taking turns for about an hour-and-a-half. It really is a tough job. In order not to stare at them I also placed myself so that I could see them in the reflection of a mirror, thus I looked like I was scanning the crowd while I just kept watching. Sometimes I am smart.
Avalanche: Taking a page out of the CSU playbook by blowing leads late in the game. Not good. I want a reason to be able to watch hockey in March and April (or at least complain to Direct TV that I don't have VS). Please get your shit figured out.
-Matty Duchene is starting to score on the reg (/Kenny Powers). This makes me so happy. The kid is fucking awesome and he will be a star sooner rather than later.
Tweet of the week: (follow MessiahThaDon) A tie this week between QBs traded for each other:
KingNeckbeard: Coach says i'm too drunk to start... What a flaming pile of horseshit! I only got this drunk so my ankle wouldn't hurt fuckface!
NotJayCutler : Watching Chris Simms throw is like watching Mozart paint.
Nuggets: The fucking Clippers? Without the Black Ginger. Fuck me. At least you righted your shit and beat those bitch ass Bulls.
-JR is blowing kisses to the crowd and that makes me happy.
-Birdman may be getting back to decent. I thought we were gonna have to start dolling out the coke to get him all excited again.
Rockies: Guess who is not on the 40-man roster? Yorvit. YEEEEESSSSSS. Sign that motherfucker next September, but until then keep his .200 average and spaghetti arm out of Coors.
Coming up this week: To counteract all this negativity, I will fill a post of many of the people, websites and videos that make me love sports. Ya know, it is Thanksgiving week. Then a Pregaming edition for Wyoming, which will involve me trying to recount my Border War blackout last year.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Weekend Sack-Up: This losing shit sucks, let's do more of the winning thing
It looked like you fucking punted that ball, not kicked it. It would have been awesome if you were playing 500 in the schoolyard and called "Surprise Package," but unfortunatley it was a real life NFL game. If you even got that within a zip code of B-Marsh he would He-Man woman-beat anyone around to negate an interception.
We fired Mike Shannahan and then signed a back-up QB with an ankle tat of Shannahan's son. Maybe this was some sort of revenge? No one could throw such a shitty pass on accident. If you play against the Chargers I hope Merriman rapes you so hard that lose a kidney and liver. You don't have a spleen, pussy, but I didn't know you were also the tin man and the scarecrow. No heart, no brain. 100% FUCKKNUCKLE. Now we are tied with Los Chargeros and I might have to choke a bitch.
The Rest of the Broncos: You just lost to Washington. The Redskins, not the Capitals. Get your shit together. 6-0 doesn't mean shit if you don't win four more games the rest of the way. You are now tied atop the division with San Diego. You haven't won a game in a fucking month.
Champ looks like fucking Dre Bly lately, letting Hines Ward jump arr over roo and then whiffing on a huge tackle on third down during the comeback drive.
B-Dawk also got run over by Betts on the goalline. I understand you were on the field for the whole second half because retard Simms couldn't find his ass with Google Maps, but you still gotta make that play. You are Mr. Defense, all that whoofing and crazy talking to the football shit, you have to tackle guys at the goal line. Send a message. Instead, we saw you get run over like some roadkill.
McD. You got outcoached by Jim Zorn, and the assortment of random guys in charge of the Redskins since Danny Snyder took away Zornies offensive playcalling keys. That is not good. The Orton-injury is pretty big, because he was Ballin,' but why wouldn't we stick to the run when it became apparent Lefty Simms was channeling another erratic lefty, Phil Mickelson.
The defensive line folded like a cheap table late yet again. It is apparent this team is only built to play in the lead and can't handle a second half deficit. Not good. We got pretty lucky to start of 6-0 and now it evening out. It can all be remedied with a victory next weekend though. Beat some Charger ass and I will be happy again.
Special teams. I hate you. Mitch Fucking Berger sucks. And he is from CU. So he doubly sucks. Cut him now, please. An about 30 Broncos were expecting a fake punt, but not one of them could cover Mike Sellers. How fucking retarded are you guys?
Random Celeb Note: I still love Rihanna and have been rocking all her new songs, but I'm afraid she might be a bit resistant to rough sex nowadays, for some reason? That could be an issue for me and really doom our relationship. I think CSU football didn't lose: We also didn't play. But the important thing is we didn't lose. I also notice, that dating back to my last blog I had two years ago, CSU hasn't won many games for me. These assholes better beat New Mexico. Beat them like Mike "Tom Cable, Jr." Locksley beats his assistants. End this stupid losing streak and then ruin Wyoming's chance at a bowl. This season may be disapointing, but it can end on a high note. Make this happen. Don't go out like bitches.
Kory Sperry scored a TD this weekend for the Dolphins. He is one big, MEASTLY looking motherfucker. Good for him. Plus he has tattoos.
Greg Camarillo really kinda horned in on Sperry's trademarked chest-pounding after a TD.
The Avs are also returning to Earth: Another Colorado team with a fantastic start and then they begin to fade as the season progresses. Heard this story before? I have. It is like one of those weekends when they play Cast Away all weekend, non-stop. I just sit there watching it, hoping the whole time that Tom Hanks comes home to a hotter wife than Helen Cunt and doesn't lose Wilson. Never happens, but two hours later I find myself watching again.
It is a long season and the Avs have a lot of guys coming back, so hopefully they get back on the grind. Matt Duchene will break out soon, along with Son of Statsny, so they could carry the Avs for a bit.
Speaking of Cunty, ole Boy:
Just missed that jersey number, didn't ya?
The more picks you toss, the higher the Broncos draft pick will be.
AJ and Big Teej will now go light themselves on fire.
How is your publicist gonna spin that, DoucheJina Mbenga (Pretty sure that's what DJ stands for. And yes, according to Simmons Mbenga does have a publicist).
On a 1-Awesome scale, the Nuggs are as awesome as this Halloween costume. Den Dollock ain't got shit on this baby.
Stories from the club: Two good ones from this week. 1) After the night ended, these two semi-ghetto white trash feaux-gangsters who had been asked to stop flashing "gang" signs earlier, started shit with a group that was mostly girls. I don't know why it started, but it was going on after the club closed, out on the sidewalk, so we had to break it up. One of the tough guys, wearing a hat that repped East County (like repping Rifle or Pueblo, something no one should be proud of) started screaming at these girls that they were ugly and he wouldn't fuck any of them. He was bragging that he was being picked up in a town car, while they were waiting for a taxi. Big time for sure, but as he walked to the towncar screaming, he looked back to laugh and ran head first into a steetpole, loud enough for me to hear the audible "Dong" about 15 feet away. Still didn't shut him up, but it did give everyone a good laugh.
2) After the club closed Sat. some girl came up asking to go to the bathroom. I guess she wasn't hot enough or was a bitch (or maybe he was actually doing his job), but my boy Hank told her she couldn't come in. In anger, protest and just general need, she then decided to pull up her skirt and squat, right in front of the club exit. Her friend held up a shall or jacket to give her a little cover, but probably at least 20 people saw her piss like a gusher all outside the club (No R. Kelly). The only reason everyone on the block wasn't watching her was due to the fact that another girl had gotten a DUI for driving the wrong way down the one way street. Man do I love drunk people.
Tweet of the Week: (Follow me, if you wish) VeryFakeAlDavis
"Thank god the Twitter is around to help journalists compare Jay Cutler to Jeff George in real time."
On a related note, the great Drew Magary tells me why I love Twitter: Because black people think it is cool. I should have guessed that. A little know fact is that Chad Ochocinco represents 15% (UnoCinco percento) of both Hispanics and blacks.
Random CSU thoughts from Vegas, On why the good turnout, for a game so far from home with shitty teams: CSU fans will show up in mass to two games, against CU and in Las Vegas. Why? Because both of those games offer an awesome chance to party before and after. Hughes, while a blast to tailgate with the right people, doesn't offer that same expirience. When the football team loses a home game it tends to dampen, if not ruin completely, the enthusiam for the postgame party. After the CU/CSU game in Denver and the games in Vegas everyone still wants to get drunk anyway. CSU, and the city of Fort Collins, needs to create some sort of avenue to attract fans to the game. Drink specials at bars or resuraunts with a ticket stub, even a student stub. Concerts (even shitty ones like Common). Closing down the streets in Old Town for a night ala Brew Fest. Get better at football (hopefully on the way, but tough to see). Bring back College Daze (unless I somehow get elected President, never gonna happen).
Or simply, schedule a few more marquee opponents and play them in Denver. Who cares if we catch some ass whoopings? The fans will turn out for a big name opponent and we can start to turn Denver into a CSU town. The more they see CSU in Denver, the more likely grads will want to get a chance to return to Fort Collins. Market the games as a chance to reconnect with all your friends. Set up a system to make dorm hallway, frat, ASAP, or whatever group want to reconnect. Oh wait, there is this thing called Facebook that makes that pretty easy. Well, then start aggressively promoting such ideas. People want to stay connected if they feel they are missing out. So have events, have some interns take pictures and throw them up online. Better than creating Ram Town to attract transplant Foco residents who will be busy taking their runts to soccer practice anyway. Those type of people will attach themselves to the program when the team is good. They are called bandwagon fans, and all the marketing in the world won't work. You have to win to have them, and we certainly aren't doing enough of that.
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