The Weekend Sack-Up: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Yes, that above picture is pretty much what the Broncos have done to me in each of the last three years. Look at how professional it is.

I should have know better. I should just stop watching, like my parents have (they went whale watching, didn't see one, and still had a better day than me). I even told Boyle that they were going to make it close and then break my heart. Just like I called it last week. Yet they keep pulling me back. Next week I will wake up to watch the early games, convince myself the Broncos have a chance, only to get kicked in the gut at the last possible instant. I should try heroin, as it might be far easier to catch the dragon than be happy with the Broncos.

-Edy pointed out on his Tweeter page that the Broncos defensive celebration is pretty much "N-gga's gotta eat," and Darrell Reid's Twitter seconds that notion. This was the best moment of the game, as he celebrates the fumble he forced that allowed Denver back into the game. I take special pride in the fact that I Tweeted: "Fumble on the kickoff. I'm callin it" only to have it happen just seconds later. I really am Nostradamus.

(Alternate caption was something akin to "Look at my JFK Jr. impression", but I couldn't actually go there. See, I do have a bit of a moral compass. Plus it isn't really current. I'm glad there haven't been any plane crashes lately)

(I wish Twitter would pay me five bucks per mention)

-Yeah, and then this happened. The Savaged joke is due to the fact that the punter's name is Sav Rocca. What a great porn name.

-Excuses are for assholes, and I am an asshole, so:

1. For at least the second straight game, the Broncos opponent wasn't called for one holding penalty. Wicked awesome. And then, with the Broncos pinned deep and the season on the line, the refs threw two flags for holding on the Broncos. Justified, yes, but I am sure the Eagles held at least once.

2. Questionable penalties on Champ and Wesley Woodyard (even Fuckwad Simms Sr. said he didn't see a thing) kept alive an Eagles drive, that gave them their only TD in the second half.

3. There was that little rape that kinda pissed Stokes off

4. And then they tossed him for barely slapping a ref's pinkie.

5. Why did the clock stop after Orton's run with 1:50 left in the game? The Eagles declined the penalty and didn't take a time out. Should have been about 1:10 left when the Broncos punted. Not really a big deal, but the refs were fucking up all day long. Glad the Broncos got a marquee crew.

-This game should be another example of why going for it on fourth down is good. Denver has a 4-and-4ish on there own 13. DeSean Jackson is a great returner. Mitch Berger sucks my balls. Why don't the Broncos go for it? Even changing the field 40 yards in that situation barely takes the Eagles out of field goal range. Giving them the ball at the 45 or the 15 isn't much of a difference with 1:50 left.

It may actually have improved the Denver situation, as you basically have four outcomes after the 3rd down play:
1) What happened.
2) Denver punts and the Eagles take over at midfield. Denver stops them and the game goes to OT.
3) Denver goes for it, gets the first down and then is able to keep control of the clock/drive for a score.
4) Eagles get the ball, in field goal range. Eagles probably don't do anything much on offense, just run it three times and kick a field goal. Denver gets the ball back after the kickoff with about a minute left.

We know the offense has the upper hand in the NFL, so I would rather take my shot at picking up four yards rather than give Donovan McNabb the chance to pick up about 10 yards.

Random Celebrity Shit: So Wild Thing Vaughn Charlie Sheen was arrested in Aspen for beating up his wife, yet I had to see his an goddamn awful Hanes commercials non-stop during the game. Yet El Tigre can't be found. Uhhhh?

On one hand you have: A) a decent actor who is a woman-beater, drug-abuser, adulterer, child-porn loving asshole who made me feel sympathy for retarded Denise Richards by leaving her a voicemail threatening to kill her and calling her the N-bomb illogically, or: B) the best golfer in the world who happened to bang everything that moved and killed a fire hydrant.

Seems the obvious choice to sell me underpants is option A. I would never want to buy a razor because of that other asshole. AMERICA you need to figure your shit out.

Avalanche: While the Broncos consistently kick me in the taint, the Avs are as annoyingly bi-polar. They kick ass one night, then blow a two-goal lead in the last 10 minutes of regulation, then come back to kick ass again. Still, they are first in the division, which is pretty damn unexpected. Chris Stewart is killin' it. And he is black. So guess who my new favorite player is? Fooled ya. It is still Matty Duchene, but Stewie's awesomeness has been crucial for the Avs in the last 20 games.

Nuggets: Not really a big fan of what they have been up to. JR finally going off is nice, but the fact that Chauncey is banged up makes me worry. We need to get another big man as well. More to come soon when I discuss the first-1/3 of the NBA season with the Ice Cream Edy.

Go Fuck Yourself: I'm going to try to add this in every week.  I am going to tell someone to fuck off. This week, it is Stan Van Gundy:

Hey Stan,

Remember when you bitched about the NBA playing games on Christmas. You actually said:

"I actually feel sorry for people who have nothing to do on Christmas Day other than watch an NBA game."

Well, go fuck yourself. Most of us are sick of talking to our families and need something to fill the awkward gaps. Like when I don't know what to say to my soon-to-be step Grandma, you know what fills the gap? Screaming at Kobe.

So sad you didn't get to spend time with your family like you wanted to, but you probably should have thought of your family before you signed up to coach in a sport where you play 82 FUCKING regular season games a year. By the way, Stan, you make millions. You can afford to have Christmas like 30 times a year.

Like any NBA players want to have Christmas off anyway. They would be like Vince Vaughn and Reece Witherspoon in 4 Christmases. Which illegitimate family are they going to choose? Isiah Jr.'s baby momma or Isiah II? Like they want to see Taneshwa again so she can serve them more paternity papers? No way. They can't be in Harlem, San Diego and Houston in the same day. There are greater odds that an NBA player will be in the same town with his child IF they are sent on the road.

GO FUCK YOURSELF

P.S. You look like Ron Jeremy.


Colorado State: Covered in my previous pregaming post. Let's beat some Fresno ass like we are in New Mexico, ya dig?


Joel Dreessen balled out for the Oilers Texans today. Bawse.


Tweet of the Week: The Mike Donovan: "A horse finished second in the voting for AP female athlete of the year! A horse! Congrats Serena you beat a friggin horse."

In Da Club: Not too much going down. Some fool from the Nebraska coaching staff offered me tickets to the Holliday Bowl to sneak into the club. I have to work that night, so no dice for him. Apparently we always charge $50 a head when busy. That is mucho dinero.


New Year's Eve should be awful fun. Awful in that it will be redonkulessly busy with shit shows all over. Fun in that I expect someone to offer me hundreds of dollars to come in.

As well, my boss says that I should basically expect to get raped by drunken girls. Which, depending on the situation and looks of the girl, could range wildly on the enjoyment scale. Whether or not you care, I will share.


This Week: NBA update with Edy and hopefully some new Jersey Shore action.

Shout-out: To Kilometers, for his awesome birthday gift that I finally put into action. The African-American Heritage Game for Kids is now an awesome drinking game. Boyle and I put our heads together and drunkeness exploded. Bong couldn't handle the punishment and spent this morning imitating a dragon.