Jersey Shore Hook-Up: Season 2, Episode 3

Guess what? I skipped blogging last week's episode. Because it was relatively weak (and I was well on my way to blacking out when I watched. And because I actually had friends and a couple nights off work so I gelled my hair up and did my own Shore thang). But mostly because it was a wizzeak episode.

But this week had some redeaming entertaining segments, so I locked in to watch.

All we missed last week was Ronnie/Sam domestic intranquility and the Guidos getting the world's gayest job. Gelatto. How much stereotypical could we get? Why not get them a job at a place where they are interesting to watch, like, I dunno, a club? Or no job at all, since that is exactly what these fucktans are trained for.

Oh, and Angelina was a bitch. Shhhhhoooooooockkkkkkkkerrrr /gay voice

-We pick up with a really steamed Pauly D screaming at a blacked-out Angelina. Foolishly they have woken the slumbering monstrosity that is the J-Woww. Somehow, disappointingly, everyone escaped alive.


-Angelina: "Can I like get a "Get out of jail free card?'" No, honey, blacking out doesn't give you immunity. I've tried that defense, but it doesn't hold up in court. Fucking uptight judges.

-Vincenzo, the Sicilian WOP: "If someone can cut a black person's hair then they can usually cut mine." You know why? Well, I'll just let Dennis Hopper explain: "Let me get this egg off my face."

-Vincenzenino: "She's got the Old Snook Look. Kinda makes me hot." Snookers: "You trying to smush right now?" Pauly D: (Bug eyes) "Ummmm, who knows?" First class theater right there.

-Vincente: "Jenny's tits definetly defy gravity. I think Albert Einstien should come back and rewrite this laws of physics around Jenny's tits."

Newton did more of the work with physics, dawg. Einstein Relativity. But neither can explain J-Woww's boobs staying afloat like that.

-Ronald does the "I Can't Feel My Face." is there a more appropriate dance for Ron to do in a club in M-I-YAYO?

Aside: God dammit, I was so on that wayyyy before everyone. Example 4,000 of me being way ahead of my time. Same with "No Homo." Ask Sailor about our blacked out Jeeping trip freshman year. Ahem, no homo.

Also, how can they not figure out what is going on with Ron. "Gee, derderder, Ron goes out to the clubs, drinks and become a different human. He chugs champagne, vodka and dances like a maniac. He is crazy happy. I don't get it?" Maybe some hardcore drugs mixed with massive overcompensation for being a bitch in season one?

-Best part of the club scene is when Pauly D just picks Ron up like a child and carries him out. I bet Ronnie is so small he doesn't even come up to my hanging nutsack.

-Vin: "I need companionship." Snooks: "Like a dog?" V: "Yes."  Seconds pass...
Snookie: "Wanna fuck?" Vinny: "Sure." Mr. Roooo-Roooo-Mantic.

Really sad they didn't smooooossshhh.

-Team MVP (named because, much like Kobe in the finals, these guys shoot about 6/24 in the clutch /Simmons joke) has a clever "plan" to ditch Angie- sprint away when she turns her head. Tricky.

-The whole grenade scene is retarded. Why go through all the work to bring the girls back just to run them off. At that point, just bust your N and then give 'em the heave-ho.

Why now get all picky? I have never seen these guys hook up with any girls that aren't grenades. I mean, really. I'm racking my brain and I can't really remember any hot girls. Them being charter members of the "Grenade Free Foundation" is like a mosque being build on ground zero Al-Queda being a charter member of the United Nations.

-On the BS Report Jack-O likened Ron-n-Sam to OJ and Nicole. Pretty apt comparison. So the real question is, which lucky guy gets to play the role of the waiter? Kato is still looking for a job.

Next Week: Rambo/Sambo drama hour continues. I shoot myself as MTV wastes another episode on those twats. MORE DRINKY-DRINKY, LESS TALKY-TALKY, allright?