Weekend Sack-Up: I Know I Was Sleep Deprived But This Is Rediculous

From Thursday at noon until Saturday afternoon I worked for about 40 out of a possible 53 hours, so I wasn't able to catch almost any of this weekend's games. I'm sorry. I was setting up a 5,000+ person Mud Run, an event so poorly organized it made George Bush and Brownie's Hurricane Katrina evacuation look like it was performed with Blitzkrieg efficiency.

 So a lot of my weekend was turrible, but watching

fools dive into mud puddles was highly enjoyable.

I was charged with setting up all the signs to keep people on track for a 5k run that winds through the corrals of a giant horse track featuring obstacles ranging from Moto X kickers to mud puddles 100 yards long. Which is tough enough in itself, but this job was made tougher by the fact that the course kept changing on the whims of the designer and that none of the infrastructure was in place to hang the signs.

When I finally got all the signage sorted out (roughly 10 minutes into the first heat, after many runners had gone the wrong way a few times, whoops), I then helped film a VH1 reality show about bitchy golddigging whores who date faggoty French skateboarders (whatever the fuck a Pierre-Luc Gagnon is? Apparently he is famous enough to have a TV show) and finished my day off by rocking the Mic at the finish line (where I resisted my natural urge to make horrible and possibly racist statements, for the most part).

Anyway, the summary of this is that by 6PM on Saturday I was delirious and very much unable to comprehend what had taken place. Then I made a wise decision and went to sleep few regrettable decisions and went out drinking with my coworkers. Then I slept pretty much all day Sunday, before working for seven more hours.

While my hectic weekend was going on, apparently the sports world decided to flip onto it's head. Let's take a look at what transpired:


An apparently improving CSU team shit the bed: I don't know who this Ashworth fellow is for BYU, but after his third TD on three catches, I probably would have shifted 6 of my defenders to make sure he didn't catch another pass. But I obviously know less than Larry Kerr, who must take a special pride in letting receivers have career days against his defenses.

If I was as bad at my job as Larry Kerr is at his, I would have not accidently sent runners down the wrong side of a barricade, instead I would have routed them straight into the middle of traffic on Interstate 5.

During postgame interviews Coach Fair said that all jobs were safe. I hope he is just not throwing anyone under the bus with one game remaining and planning to bring out the axe in the offseason, because we need a new defensive coordinator ASAP. When over half of your opponents have hung 45+ on you, your defensive scheme is just not working.

We best win DAS BOOT this weekend.  A loss to fucking Wyoming would be so horrible I don't even want to think about it.

The Broncos balled like they were the Raiders playing the Broncos: The last time at Mile High, Denver trailed 38-0 in the second quarter. This time, they led 35-0. I did not realize a bye week was worth 73 fucking points. CSU didn't get one this year, no wonder they suck.

Shockingly, thanks to this win and the horrible horribleness that is the AFC West's other teams, the Broncos can vault into the division race with a W next Monday night against the cunty Chargers. I will be in attendance, so the odds of this happening are somewhere between zero and whatever time was called before the Big Bang. Still, I appreciate the Broncos giving me a little hope (especially since my bandwagon squad, the Texans, just got murked in the cruelest fashion possible).

Best news of the weekend was clearly the fact that Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney want to impress me, as they have picked up the DeShawn Stevenson's "I Can't Feel My Face" celebration after big plays.

Everything else in college football failed to make sense: TCU struggles with a SDSU team that struggled with CSU (SDSU is a team that is two blown calls vs. Mizzou and BYU from having lost only once all season, so pretty damn good)? This hurts them in the polls, but Oregon winning by only two points against a decidedly average Cal team somehow hardly dents their shiny carbon jersey? Makes no god damn sense. But neither does Baylor and Oklahoma State being in position to win the Big XII South, Florida getting rocked by Steven Garcia and Steven Spurrier or Notre Dame housing the Utes. Oh, and at some point during the day Wisconsin hung 80 on Indiana.

I thought all day long on Saturday that my I-Phone was corrupted by the mud with all the craziness taking place.

The Avs keep on entertaining me, except when they play the Red Wings: They are a bit inconsistent with the whole winning thing, but the whole scoring a lot of goals and still winning with a back-up goalie thing is pretty fun.

The Nuggs keep on disappointing me, even when they don't: It isn't that hard to win in Phoenix. Totally undoes all the good gained from our annual win over LA in November that makes JR Smith Tweet stupid shit that will inspire Kobe to rape him in March.

John Wall is super awesome: Triple-double in his sixth game, just missing a quadruple-double. Boss.

Dougie-ing during intros. Bawse.

Showing that Colin Cowherd is a retarded racess. Priceless.

CSU Basketball gives me reason to love my school: Never thought I'd be able to say that 3 years ago when I covered the Rams as they won 4 games all year. I'm calling the Rams to be one of the top 3 teams in the MWC this season.