The Weekend Sack-Up (cuz it rhymes with wrap up)...

That was a very eventful weekend folks. I now have a consistent job, a part-time job and am actually starting to feel comfortable that I live in California, which in turn scares that crap out of me (I can actively feel myself getting worse at driving). Additionally, it was again an up-and-down weekend as far as sports go. Broncos keep kicking ass and taking names, Rams did the complete opposite of that.

Plus, my sister got to go to the Broncos game, after some dude hooked her up with a ticket. She was handing out ribbons to raise breast cancer awareness inside the stadium, but still, no one hooked me up with a ticket as I sat on my couch scratching my sack raising my own awareness about testicular cancer. Homeboy gave away about $1200 dollars worth of tickets to my sister and her friends. What a dick. /jealousy

Broncos vs. ReChargers with pretty PICTURES, so you bitches don't have to read:

First, I stole Ben Pollock's Facebook update for that picture up top, because it summed the game up best. An exact quote, exclamation points (!!!) and everything. Suck on that reporting, Adam Schefter.

-Yes, more Marmalard douchiness:

-Not so awesome without a running game. Somehow, the MNF guys continued to give this doucheknucke props for being oblivious to the pass rush, as if that was a good thing. Probably was, until Mr. Oblivious had a halftime snack of Butterfingers, dropping the ball all over the place as Elvis and the boys ate his lunch, told him it sucked and savaged him.

You know how girls, when they are trying to squash a bug with a Kleanex and don't quite kill it so it is still squirming, kind of jump back and shovel the bug ahead of them. That is how Pip Rivers looked as he completed this pass. Even left-handed Jake Plummer thinks this was retarded.

-The real story of the game though, was Eddie Royal:

Haha. I stole this quote from Sean Star's Facebook. Man I am like the Puff Daddy of blogging. Sampling, bitches.

-Eddie is so nice, he did it twice:

-Ole number 8 played solid again, even if he looks like how I feel after a three day bender:

-It shouldn't be a surprise due to our Orton's Jack Daniels addiction, but his favorite target today was his own number in double-vision:

Akward walking/hopping is not a TD celebration. Just spike the ball and go for some chest bumps or something. You looked like a gay, skipping giraffe on PBS or some shit. Hell of catch though. Glad you didn't get shipped out like Cuntler.

-It was a good day for white pass catchers. I bet these racists are thrilled: 

Ben Aaker, I will continue this arguement until I die, at which point I will have "You can't score a TD with your feet" inscribed on my tombstone. When Stokes caught the ball it had broken the plane, he fell forwards (for him) after catching the ball and landed out of the end zone, but forward progress allows him to score. If his feet were in the end zone and he was diving out of the end zone, and the ball never broke the plane of the goalline, no TD.

And yes I spent like an hour researching this again. This is the best explanation of it I could find.

-If this guy is your coach, might as well be that girl from '27 Dresses', always the bridesmaid never winning anything more prestigious than the AFC West.

-I totally called this in my preview, by the way:

Strange, no pics of LdT? You might have asked that, hypothetical reader. If you get replaced by Darren Sproles on third-and-goal, no pics for you.

-These are the people I have to deal with on a daily basis:

Care about my life? I'll make you:

I started working as a bouncer, which has all the fun drama of going out without the perks of getting wasted. I actively must try to stop people from behaving exactly like I would be behaving. I think that my drunked exploits of stealing, breaking, sneaking in and causing general mayhem at bars helps me in this position, as I know what to look for, and what things are attractive, but I am betting that Karma has been waiting for this chance to pay me back. Not too exited for that to happen.

The best thing about bouncing is the hours. 9-3 isn't a bad job if you can get it, especially in the PM. I am no longer a weirdo for sleeping in until 3 p.m. Suck on that, dad. I wasn't being lazy, I was just training.

I got tipped out $15, and I am proud to say that is the first money I have actually been paid out here. Holla.

CSU vs. TCU. Kinda like what would happen if the Hindenburg landed on the Titanic:
I predicted we would lose, but not like that. Some quick thoughts, before I repress this memory down with the one about my Boy Scout troop leader (Just kidding. Walking around in the woods with a bunch of dudes is the opposite of what I enjoy. Anyone who signs up for that is already gay, so I guess they just enjoy their special squeezer merit badge).

-Klint Kubiak has been a great player for CSU, but he is more injury prone than LaDanian. I have a feeling we are going to be hearing from him soon, when he engineers disasters looking for Bruce Willis. Yep, I just called him Mr. Glass.

-I don't know who are bigger idiots; those throwing CSU and the coaching staff under the bus after losing games against four teams that have lost a combined 3 tiems or those who are turning on Obama. Both have a ton of work to do to get their respective 'teams' up to the elite level they were, it isn't going to happen in one year. People are so impatient now, they want everything right away, deal with reasonable expectations.(This could have gone much longer, be glad it didn't)

-TCU is much faster than us. That is clear. We need a couple years of faster recruits (read: those from Florida, Cali and Texas) until we will be truely competitive. As much as I think the SEC isoverrated, we need us some ESSS-EEEE-CEEE speed. Right now CSU leads the nation in whiteness. White people are not exactly know for our speed. I'm not sayin,' I'm just sayin.' (Uhh, no Fischer DeBerry, and see Brandon Stokely-related link)

-SDSU sucks balls. Exactly the team that we should be playing this week. And we are home. Let's do this.

In other sports news:
-CU won a game over a team from a real state. Guess why?

I am so glad, because this means that Hawkins will remain around for next season, when Stevie F can beat his ass at Invesco. Enjoy your 4-7 season, Buffs. Maybe he'll even name Cody as a starter again. Or move him to WR, just for shits and giggles. (Def. gonna do a blog with Hawk trying to find a spot for Cody to play. So excited)

-Plus the loss shut up Kansas fans, and they are definetly in my list of people I hate.

"We only cheer for Kansas basketball anyway."

I'm sure you do, whenever they are in the top-10. And certainly when the two sports teams decide to have a fucking royal rumble in the quad.

-The Dodgers and Angles are on the ropes, two things which make me estastic. I think I would drive to LA and start a fire in Dodger Stadium and Disney World if those two met in a World Series.

-It could have been worse for Rams fans, you could have been a fan of Texas A&M or the Titans. Or a fan of both. Would have been as depressing as a murder-suicide. (Out with a bang)