Unfortunately, I was in proximity to a radio and after taking hours to figure out how it worked again (I must fiddle this nob and guess the station? What the fuck is an AM? Damn you magic music box!) I was able to listen to the final three quarters of the game. Yippee. Guess what is worse than witnessing someone getting stabbed to death? Just getting to listen to their screams. I wasn't there, and I am less afraid to ever watch any internet video suggested by a friend than to watch my Tivo'd recording of the game, but just by listening I can tell just how open DeMarco Sampson was. More open than than your favorite pornstar's orfices after TVTATM penetration. More open than the Goatse' asshole (again, I dare you). More open than IHOP. More open than the range.
Wide. Fucking. Open.
Oh well, I will address this game more in my Air Force preview (after I force myself to watch the game), but certainly the Rams pretty much need to upset Air Force if they want to have a successful (read: bowl) season. I don't think we will win our final three after losing six straight.
CSU aside, there were a few pleasant surprises this weekend. Let's look at those:
-The Avalanche are fucking awesome. Yes it early, and the hockey season is almost stupidly long (82 games, plus an early start due to the Olympics), but after 11 games the Avs lead the league with 18 points. This was supposed to be a rebuilding season, but behind stellar play from goalie Craig "Mr. Anderson" (an American, fuck yeah) the Burgundy and Blue are killing it this season.
Most importantly, the Avs have beaten the Gotdamn Red Wings twice, which is always nice. They are a fun team to watch play, attacking all over and featuring a ton of young players that are a blast to watch.
I am convinced that when Joe Sakic came to Nordiques, the front office cloned him and created someone to replace him when he retired. His name is Matt Duchene. And he is awesome. He hasn't scored much, only one goal and five assists, but this kid will soon be a star in Colorado, and would be around the nation if the NHL would promote him as much as that dead piece of wood Sidney Crosby. I really can't see wait to see how good he will be once he starts rolling and really learns the game. Becasue he is only 18. When I was 18 I was blacking out while drinking vodka every night. Now, I'm 23 and I only black out drinking vodka once a week. See, progress.
(I don't get the Crosby hype by the league. He is good, but Alex Ovechkin is the player for the NHL to market. He is flashy, hilarious, a leader, entertaining, goofy. He scores highlight-quality goals all the time. Crosby is a winner, but this is like the NBA marketing Tim Duncan all over the place to hype the league while putting LeBron on the backburner "until he becomes a winner." This is why the NHL struggles, they can't market their stars effectively. The product on the ice is great right now. Exciting hockey, limited commercials. There are fights but less of the thuggish play. Now make sure I see commercials with Overchkin scoring amaizing goals (maybe in slow motion with classical music like this, but instead an Iso camera on Overchkin...Chills. Seriously, just rip the NBA off) and then some where Ovi gets to show off his humor. Hockey players, most of them, are funny and would connect with an audience. Crosby isn't one, don't shove him down my throat)
While Duchene will be the Avs new star, his fellow rookie Ryan O'Rielly is actually out-performing him. Two guys, at 18-years old, leading a team on a remarkable turnaround. This would be huge news anywhere, but after one or two down seasons (and that pesky strike), fans and the Colorado media have forgotten about the Avalanche. Well wake the fuck up. The games are on Altitude, same channel as the Nuggs, and yes it is a whole new bunch of guys on the team since they won a cup, but that is how time works. People get old, and new guys replace them. You know that whole Denver Broncos story that everyone is getting a boner for, this Avs story is even more unlikely.
-The Nuggets are about to start. I thought they started last week. I was wrong. I am glad, because my preview was/is far from ready. I only have a picture of JR Smith. And not even a funny one implying he was cellmates with Plaxico or T.I.
They met up with the Lakers (in San Diego, which was news to me) and the two got physical. Apparently keeping up with the ugliest Kardashian is grating on Lamar Odom's nerves or maybe Birdman Andersen just stole some of Ole' Sweet Tooth's candy. Who knows, but I do know that K-Mart don't miss no trash-talking party. "FUCK YOU, ODOM! ASK KLHOE HOW MY ASS CANDY TASTE!" Too bad Dahntay Jones isn't around to battle Kobe any more. We need another expendable guy to get into a fight with him. Maybe that is Joey Graham's purpose?
-Jay Cutler continues to suck. Tossing up turnovers like a bakery. Yeah, I know El Neckbeard was lucky to beat Cincinnati, but did you even try to hold onto the football? Did you have too much SULK on your hands to throw it? I am pretty sure the Bears might want to trade you for JaMarcus. Or maybe you for the hot dog Mark Sanchez ate would be good. Fuck me, AJ probably just spent a grand at the titty bar because you depressed him so much.
I forgot to do a 6-0 picture last week, but it still rings true during the bye. Here we go:
Try #3:
Well, last time the Broncos were 6-0 was in 1998. And Bubby did play a shitload in 1998 when ElwayGod suffered an injured bicep throwing thunderbolts vs. the Nomadic Raiders.
-CU lost to Kansas State. Air Force came close vs. Utah. College football in Colorado is awesome.
-Yankees vs. Phillies. I am very glad that I don't have to hear from Angels or Doyer fans. Fuck you both. In this World Series I am rooting for rain and clouds of locust.
-In bouncing news, Phil Mickelson partied it up at my club on Thursday night. I was blissfully unaware, as I rarely pay attention to old, rich, white dudes in the club. They aren't really the troublemakers, yaknow.
On Sat. some fool from Digital Underground, Shock G, of 'Humpty Dance' fame sang a few songs. One of his entourage tried to sell me weed. I politely declined.
I also love getting to stay up until five or six in the morning and not feeling like a waste of space. Last week Boyle woke up to go to work at like 5:45 and I was up drinking a beer and watching '30 Rock.' Bet he felt like a waste of ass going to work, while I slept.
Failure? I also introduced myself to everyone by blacking out on Grey Goose at the Hard Rock, dancing with some very attractive cocktail waitresses, chugging vodka instead of champagne later and getting asked to leave the club. Allegedly. My boss did say he was impressed that I was not an angry drunk, so I've got that going for me.
I remember none of this, but Mandie did think I was a hobo when I returned home at about 1:30 and couldn't figure out how to get the gate open, shouting in failure every time I dropped my keys. This is why I am forcing myself to drink a few beers every night when I get off work, the tolerance level must rise. I think I am now at senior year of high school tolerance, and that is not a good place with a Vegas trip in two weeks.
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