Weekend Sack-Up: We are bad at football

My teams sucked. Except the Avs, but that game was all the way back on Thursday. Which was three blackout days ago. You expect me to write shit about that? You expect too much.

Okay, I'll try:

CSU: The one advantage we should always have against Air Force is size and speed, since our players are free to smoke weed, talk to girls and not attend class (and that whole military post-grad thing). Sadly, CSU has no such advantage right now because of how shitty our recruiting has been for the last five years. Air Force's players are certainly smarter than ours, but the fact that they were also bigger, stronger and faster really caused us problems.

You know what else caused us problems? The fact that we aren't very good at football. Our offensive and defensive lines actually played okay. Pretty much every other aspect of our teams was terrible. There is no need to be PC about our "special" teams, they are just retarded. And our cornerbacks couldn't shred a block or cover a wide receiver.

Even when we did something well, we fucked it up. Like the two times Pete Kontodiakos dropped punts inside the 10 with plenty of hangtime and our coverage guys responded with the smooth reactions of four mongoloids trying to fuck a greased pig.

So embarrassing.

Denver Broncos: I admit I didn't see this game, but other than two great catches by B-Lloyd and a big ole' lick by Dawkins, there wasn't much to miss. The Broncos might as well forfeit games in Baltimore these days, as we just get beat by about 20 everytime.

Denver Nuggets: Carmelo Anthony is still a Nugget. So is JR Smith. And K-Mart. I know how this movie ends, so let me post my end of season recap for the Nuggets right now.

So another Nuggets season ended with a loss in the first round to (circle one) Los Angeles/Oklahoma City. What a frustrating year. Some huge wins over LA and that classic 2OT battle with the Heat. A lot of disappointing losses like that 168-124 loss to Golden State. But at least JR scored 64 in that one, too bad Stephan Curry went for 80 and the equipment manager scored 14 in mop up duty since Golden State only dressed 6 players for the game. After (fill in the following names in some order; Birdman, Nene, K-Mart, Al Harrington)   __________ tore his ACL, the arrest of ________ for sexually assaulting a clown, ____________ came down with planters vaginosis and ___________ was suspended for his fight with the one of the Maloof brothers over gambling debts/white girl (real one)/white girl (cocaine)  the season was shot (which isn't a pun, sadly, as somehow Johan Petro actually got shot. No one has bothered to check if he is alive). At least Chauncey gave it a good effort. It was just tough to play a some of those games 4-on-6 when Melo would decide to audition for another team, by literally playing for them. And big ups to David Stern for not giving a shit about any of this, saying  "Fuck off, Denver. You know the finals are going to be Heat/Lakers, unless Kobe gets busy with a flight attendent or something, again. I couldn't give a shit about any team not touching a beach. You too OKC, conference finals are as far as you will ever get. I got my best refs on it."

If I end up actually doing an NBA preview with Edy it will be even more bitter and angry than that. Who can't wait for that?

Los Avalanches: Thank Elway-God for them. I know it was only one game, but they beat half of the defending champions (I mean, Chicago's firesale this offseason was quasi-Marlin).

Yes, the beautiful Avs are my salvation this week (and the bottle, as I haven't stopped drinking since I landed in Denver last week) and I owe it to them to do a real preview, which will come out in the next couple of days.

I'll try to spread a little positivity in this bitter, shitty world. But I'm Bitter Brad at the moment.

So please, if you are an Avs fan give me the reasons you are excited for this season so I can shamelessly steal borrow it so that I can be lazier use it in my preview.