Each day of the World Cup I will give you a quick and dirty preview of the teams that will play each day. I will base all of this information on FIFA 10 and stereotypes. And irrational hatred. Because that is what soccer is all about. Well, that and the whole rioting thing.
FORWARD: I was on vacation in Colorado for the week and then got delayed by a tornado closure at DIA before going home. This kinda fucked my shit up. Sorry this is pretty short.
Korea: Southern, not Red Kim Jung Ill "Me So Ronery." Really into speed skating. One of their players in on Manchester United. US tied them in 2002. They can go fuck off for losing that war to the US in the 60s. I predict they will score early in the match vs. Greece.
Greece: They won the Euro Cup in 2004, shocking the world. They play booorrrring ass soccer, and that is really saying something. They like it in the ass.
Argentina: Diego Maradona is batshit insane and told reporters to "suck his dick" after Argentina scraped by into the World Cup. Messi is the greatest player in the world, hands down, and if you disagree you are fucking stupid. If you have picked up a PS3 controller and played with any of the stud teams the names Milito, Tevez (ugliest man alive?), Mascherano, Rodriguez (Maxi Pad) and others will be instantly familiar. Too bad Maradona is coach and will probably kill Messi at some point while mainlining coke.
Nigeria: Always dangerous and athletic, the poor Nigerias haven't been the same since Steve Atwater killed Christian Okeye:
Group C: United States: I'm a big fan. Clint Dempsey is a sweet rapper. Jozy Altidore is supremely athletic and lacks polish. Landycakes Donovan has finally stepped up to play at the level that was expected. Everyone is hurt. Last time we played England in the World Cup we won 1-0 in 1950, then didn't win a World Cup game for about 44 years; You could say we blew our load.
England: Soccer equivalent of Chicago Cubs, but gayer. We beat them in the Revolutionary War, War of 1812, Civil War and both World Wars. Rooney is the star and player most likely to take the traditional "dumbass who gets booked and ruins the English tournament run."
-Sorry again this was weak, I'll try to post better recaps and previews once my brain returns to %30 function.
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